For we must all learn to howl.

Sometimes it just really doesn't hit me how depressing it gets using these "social" dating apps - I started out because I was curious, and I've made some friends using these apps. Of course, the majority of people here are looking for something else. I know full well that these people who talk to me aren't doing so because they think I'm smart or funny or fun to talk to - there's only so much even a well-written profile can tell about you, after all. These people talk to me only because they think I'm "hot", whatever that's supposed to mean. Is it supposed to mean that I'm fuckable? Because that's the message that these guys are sending. Sure, it's fun to watch them make fools of themselves, but it's also incredibly sad to see how many lies they're willing to throw at you just to see if they can make it into your pants. It's lonely, and it's another bad habit I seem to have gotten myself into. ...

I'm not sure if I've made this obvious enough in the previous few posts, but I'm in university now. I didn't really think that there was a big difference between uni and poly, but I've been proven wrong in a couple of ways. The biggest difference, in my opinion, is how quickly you can lose people here - another friend just left the course. To be brutally honest, I had no intentions of making friends when I stepped into uni - I was still afraid that similar misunderstandings like what happened in the first year of poly would repeat themselves, and I didn't want to take that chance. In my mind, all I wanted to do was study and graduate, and I felt that I could be okay just keeping to myself for the next two years. I should have known something like that was impossible for me - of course, I also hadn't expected how nice everyone was. Everyone was weird and funny and a complete nerd in their own ways, and I guess we sort of melded into a clique of some sor...

Things I should be doing Studying my ass off for that final exam tomorrow Blogging about AFA 2014 (It was last weekend and holy shit it was awesome ) Things I want to be doing Writing that piece of Xiuhan fanfiction that's been collecting dust in my head since freaking November Watching anime Things I am doing Listening to Kashitarou Itou and crying Tumblr That blogpost about AFA will be up as soon as I can remind myself to stop being so lazy and retrieve the photos from my phone hahaha. In the meantime I'll just put this song up because seriously, Kashitarou Itou is amazing. How had I never taken notice of him on NND before?! He's even better than Shoose when it comes to voice clarity omg I can't And his persona both on and off stage is so... Magnetic. There isn't any other word for it. Yes, I'm attracted to a guy in a fox mask. This is him - I don't know what he looks like under the mask (very few do because th...

Well. My first of December's been nothing short of a fuckfest - put nicely, it's been absolute shite with only bad luck through the whole day. I don't want to talk about it, I just want to put it out there that the whole of today from me snapping the end of my bracelet (yes, the one I rarely take off) to rushing for dinner has not been fun or enjoyable. Plus everything's been building up and none of this is helping. I just hope tomorrow onwards will be much, much better. I don't really do this, but I think it's necessary this month: December, please please be good to me - you're a really important month.

Ashes , ashes ; We all fall down . Black tears , ruined eyes - How pretty you look . How will you stand again ? Careful now , it's sharp .

Ask about anything and everything - better a fool for 5 minutes than a fool forever. Treat yourself to something nice every week - no matter how big or small the treat, it'll be something you can look forward to and you'll be thankful for the weekly motivation. People will tell you your dreams are too big, too small, too difficult, too easy. They may or may not have a point, but remember that you're the only one who has any say in whether your dreams live or die. Stop looking at the ground or your phone when you walk - use your eyes to look at the world around you, I promise it's a better view. Bring a jacket with you no matter where you go - you'll be glad for it. If someone wants you in their life, he or she will make it clear. Never wait for someone who makes you feel unwanted. That being said, never make anyone feel unwanted if you want them in your life. If they mean something to you, if they're important to you, let them know. A little eye contact...

This one's for you, Kira. I didn't know him, but I hope you and your fam are all okay.