For we must all learn to howl.

For photography class, we're supposed to do an individual photo essay on any topic that we choose. I chose to do a photo essay on Chinese New Year (CNY), which is hardly surprising since it's next week. I thought it might be easy. I mean, all I possibly had to do was stake out Chinatown and hope to get some decent shots of the celebrations and decorations. But then when Mathias (our photography lecturer/tutor, he's really cool) came around to give his advice and opinion on our chosen topics, he asked me what CNY meant to me. He wanted to know what I wanted to say in my pictures. And I couldn't give him an answer. I gave it some thought later, and I guess what I can say is this. Did you know that I used to hate CNY? I mean, I used to really hate it. I hated the red, I hated the music (I would actually clap my hands over my ears whenever I heard the music), I hated the tacky decorations, I hated everything . Over the years, I guess my supposed hatred diminished, and now ...

I wonder, has anyone ever thought about what it might be like to die? To pass through the veil, to reach the light at the end of the tunnel? It's definitely something to think about. And what about those with no religion, with no heaven to look forward to? Not all of us are atheists - I'm a freethinker, for example, and I have my beliefs too no matter how messy they are. From childhood I've been taught that there is a heaven, that it exists, and that God and Jesus exist. But then those few years in childcare were the only years I knew about God, and after that... Well, my beliefs got more and more complicated. Anyway, they say that suicide is a sin, right? It's wrong to kill yourself, right? For those who believe, I think it means that you cannot enter heaven, right? Then what about the rest of those who have no religion? Are we put to hell? Or do we walk the earth as wandering spirits after we die? Or maybe we vanish into nothingness, into nonexistence. I don't kno...

Why are things all going downhill from here? It feels as though nothing is going right lately. Friends are leaving. Work is piling up like I can't believe. Tensions are running high. Old emotions are coming back to haunt me. I actually look forward to whatever bizarre dreams visit me at night now, because it's like an escape from this dreary existence that I have. I talked to a friend of mine pretty recently about religion (I have no idea how we got to that topic), and as always, I felt so lost. I don't worship any god, and I don't have any religion. I'm a freethinker, which is kind of free in its own ways, but there are times when I feel so lost too, like I don't know who I'm supposed to be running to. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way again. Sigh. I remember "Edward" told me once, when I was in Sec3, that as long as I looked at the skies, I would be alright. I would be happy. And he told me to keep smiling everyday. That used to ...

Whew, the last time I blogged was a year ago!! ....................................... Okay, that joke's getting old. MOVING ON. So.... How's everyone? How's 2012 so far? Oh, that reminds me. I have my New Year Resolution! *waves sheet of paper* To be honest (I know it's the 6th day of 2012 already, and this is pretty darn late), I'd already penned it down on New Year's Day itself, okay? SO DON'T JUDGE HAHA. My 2012 resolution is to be more emotionally mature, as much as I can. I don't know how I can elaborate more without things getting a little too personal.... That stuff's reserved for my diary muahahaha. Oh yeah, Isaac's back in Singapore! Welcome back, my friend! :D It's kinda tough to believe that school has only started for three days, because it feels like a month has gone by. I'm already so exhausted, sigh! :( COMPLETE: J2 Assignment (ICA2) INCOMPLETE: Public Speaking (needs to be 3/4 done by next Thursday) ...