Rain Clouds

Why are things all going downhill from here? It feels as though nothing is going right lately.

Friends are leaving. Work is piling up like I can't believe. Tensions are running high. Old emotions are coming back to haunt me.

I actually look forward to whatever bizarre dreams visit me at night now, because it's like an escape from this dreary existence that I have. I talked to a friend of mine pretty recently about religion (I have no idea how we got to that topic), and as always, I felt so lost. I don't worship any god, and I don't have any religion. I'm a freethinker, which is kind of free in its own ways, but there are times when I feel so lost too, like I don't know who I'm supposed to be running to. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way again. Sigh.

I remember "Edward" told me once, when I was in Sec3, that as long as I looked at the skies, I would be alright. I would be happy. And he told me to keep smiling everyday. That used to work for me, I'd just look to the skies and immediately feel better about whatever problems I had. But now, when I look to skies, seeking some form of comfort, I don't know what I feel. The skies are still beautiful, and I still feel that sense of calm when I look at the skies, but... I don't know, something feels like it's missing.

If only I could be like the clouds in the sky, and just drift to wherever the wind takes me. Or maybe if I could be a tree, someplace. I don't know. It's just, it really sucks to be human sometimes.

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