For we must all learn to howl.

I'd always thought of funerals as sombre events, picturing crying friends and family, mostly silence save for those who grieved out loud. In my mind, funerals were sad events and were to be treated with seriousness. I'd never expected my grandmother's funeral to be so... Cheerful. And loud. Definitely loud. Relatives and friends came to visit and pay their respects at the wake, and though some lamented the loss of one of their friends, most of the focus was on how she had had a good life, and at least there weren't any regrets. Everyone was respectful, but jokes were still exchanged as we caught up with one another. This funeral was actually... Happy. I asked my dad about it, and he told me that this funeral was cheerful because the deceased had lived a long and happy life. After all, what was there to cry over if you had lived out a long, good life? This funeral was not meant to be a joyous affair (I think that would be pushing the limit), but it was in a way a ...

They say that we encounter many firsts in the course of our lives. Today was the first time I lost someone close to me - my maternal grandmother passed away in the middle of the night. It was the first time I saw my mum break down, as she held her mother's shoulders and called her as if it would bring her back, crying as if a part of her had died too. I suppose it did. It was the first time I saw my cousins cry. I'd grown up somehow thinking that both my cousins were tough-as-nails all the time and never cried. I was wrong. It was the first time in almost a decade that I saw my mum standing with her three sisters after a huge family feud. It wasn't as though I'd never seen a dead body, either - it was just the first time that the deceased had actually meant something to me. Those eyes that had watched me grow up - they would never open again. Those hands that had raised me from infancy - I would never get to hold them again. It hit me then that I would neve...

My grandmother just passed away. I can't breathe. 

I don't like the song, and I definitely don't like being this cliche - it reminds me all too much of my secondary school days when I was too try-hard, wanting nothing more than to be part of the "popular" crowd. But really now: Say something; I'm giving up on you.

There's got to be more to this than boys who just don't text back.

Something happened last night that shook me up really badly, and I'm still trying to put it aside. Needless to say that I look like complete shit today and feel even worse - I'm spacey and shaking and extremely jumpy. Truth be told I've been just sitting here, letting the start of this post go untouched because I simply don't know how to even type it out. How do I put into words the sheer terror I felt early this morning, or explain the reason why I broke down crying in my parents room at five in the morning? I'll do my best to tell this story, but I can't guarantee that it'll make sense. It was like any other night when I went to bed last night, and yet on any other night I wouldn't jolt awake at 4am. I should be more specific: On any other night I wouldn't hear something knocking on my door at 4am. I tried to ignore it at first, because it was four in the fucking morning and obviously my parents wouldn't be knocking on my door becaus...

It's raining and I'm so happy, it's so beautiful. At the same time all I want to do is cry because I'm sad again, and I don't know why. I can't say that I'm afraid I might fall into the same abyss I was once in because I've never come close to getting out of it, but this feeling frightens me because it's similar to how I usually feel before an episode. I'm happy and I'm sad and frightened, but for now it hardly matters because it's raining.

Too cute. But also kind of sad, if you think about it that way.

She steps out of the office at half past two, phone in one hand and keys jangling in the other. It's a daily routine - she has to get the mail for the office after all, and it's a good breather from sitting at her desk all day, a chance to stretch her legs and all that. But something's different today. After retrieving the mail (there are quite a few cheques today) she waits for the lift, standing by the security counter as she always does. It takes her a while, but she eventually realises that the usual chatter from people waiting for the lift has been replaced by utter silence. Even the cleaners standing nearby have ceased talking, and everyone is staring at her. Puzzled and more than slightly self-conscious, she glances at the huge mirrors placed beside the lift doors. She looks normal, decently dressed as always in a black shirt and her black skinny jeans. So why are they staring?  One of the people waiting for the lift moves to stand closer to the l...

Just started watching this playthrough, can't believe it took me so long considering how I was dying to know more about this game. Got slightly excited when I saw that Pewdiepie had a playthrough of this (if there's no Pyschadelicsnake then fine, Pewdie it has to be) but then his commentary started to majorly piss me off (he was screaming at things that weren't even remotely scary wtf) and so I switched to a playthrough with no commentary at all. It's a nice change, and watching this really makes me wish that Snake would play this just for the creepy factor (it's a really creepy game if you haven't already guessed it, I love it). I love how twisted the (already twisted) characters from Wonderland have become, and I especially love how violent and depressing everything looks. I'd love to play this game, but I'm terrible at console and keyboard RPGs... So I'll just have to watch the playthrough for now. The art (and fanart) for the game is stunn...

It was kind of gloomy weather when I left my house, so I rolled out my rainy day playlist... Only to find that the skies cleared right up. I'm not giving up my playlist, though - here are some of my favourites! UPDATE: It's completely pouring now, and I'm so happy - I love  the rain. The best part is that my office is located on the same floor as the roof - I stood there watching the rain and wishing I could just go out there and dance.

There's this project called the Flat Stanley Project, and what participants of this project do is take a paper cutout of a character called Flat Stanley and take pictures of him in their lives - it's like a travel journal of sorts for Stanley, because the magic of this project is that it involves people from all over the world . So my friend Pablo (I knew him from when I first joined Twitter a few years back) asked me to help him with this project because his brother (at least, I think  that's his brother) is doing it for school. The instructions? Bring Stanley around, maybe show him a famous landmark or two in the country and take pictures of where he goes and what he does. Of course, no one said I couldn't take some extra photos... This is Stanley! And he's made a new (maybe slightly overenthusiastic) friend. It's his first time in Singapore, and Stanley was excited to take the bus... And the train... And Stanley was very ...

I'm tired, so tired. When I woke up this morning I seriously considered faking illness and taking an MC and a day off - given how raspy my voice was (and still is, this is what happens when you're using nail polish remover and accidentally inhale quite a bit of the stuff because you make stupid decisions at night) I wouldn't have too much of a problem doing that, if I could tune out my aunt's incessant nagging about how I wasn't making any money by missing a day of work. But here I am, having dragged my sorry ass and tired legs (ladies, if you want a good workout without having to break a sweat,   wear heels or wedges for the whole day . Seriously, wear any pair of shoes with at least 3 inches of height for the whole day, they'll help tone your legs some) to work. Here I am, sitting in front of the computer fighting sleep and wanting nothing more than to sleep the world away. Things between M and I are okay, I suppose – hope she’s doing okay on her firs...

Wake up; It's time for the real nightmare to begin. It's been rainy and gloomy all day, and I can't help but wonder if it's supposed to be an omen of some sort because it's been hot-ass weather all week. Worried.

Grandmother's in even worse condition now, and my mum's spending the whole day at the hospital with her. I'm heading there tonight because my mum doesn't want me to be worrying all day there, which means that I'll just be worrying here at home until I get to head over. Watching Pyschadelicsnake's game walkthroughs because his videos are really the only thing that will make me feel somewhat better at this moment - it's like whenever I'm bored or upset or having one of those lonely nights he's the first YouTube channel I click on. Here are some links to my favourite horror game walkthroughs done by him: (They're only the first video, you'll have to watch the rest of the walkthrough on your own) And for the non-horror games: It's a Saturday afternoon, so have fun watching them if you're like me and haven't got anything to do and just need something to stop yourself from overthinking because pe...

My grandmother is dying. I can see death's claw around her throat, squeezing tighter and tighter every time I visit her at the nursing home. My grandmother who was always so strong and full of life, my grandmother who raised me as a child. She's dying. It wasn't so bad back then when she could still walk around, but then she fell into depression (the first time she yelled at me for no reason I cried because she's never raised her voice at me, ever ). After that we had to send her to a nursing home because we didn't have the means to take care of her - that broke my heart, even more when I played Mrs Phua in TWCT. She's recovered from depression (I think most of it was brought on because she missed my grandfather very much) but several bad falls in the nursing home eventually led to a dislocated hipbone and now she's pretty much bedridden, and it hurts when she has to move sometimes. And now she's in and out of hospital because of lung infection...

Feel good mix. Current mood: And also because I'm feeling like crap, I wanted to find some GIFs of cats because CATS, but I got really unmotivated...

I haven't forgotten how to play the game, boy. This is where my  bet begins. What's different this time is how I'm willing to gamble everything away. The stakes may be climbing higher and higher... But this is one round I'm not going to lose. It's your turn now.

So now that we're back from Bandung, it's time to face reality again. It's back to work and school, back to sleeping late and getting up early (wait, that's no different from Bandung then). As it always is for any school-based trip, assignments are due to be submitted - we've got an 800-word essay, 30 pictures and 2 videos to submit as a group, though the essay is of course an individual piece of work.That'll be easy enough, and with any luck I'll be able to finish and submit it by today. I wasn't expecting it to be a magazine article though, but then again I'm just glad we don't have to design it too - Microsoft Word treats me a lot better than InDesign ever did. Quite a few of the kids from SOS Lembang have been adding us on Facebook too, and what I personally like is how not all of them are from our designated houses. Somehow, it feels like we're slowly building a village to connect as many SOS kids with CMM facilitators too, though it...