Disillusionment

Sometimes it just really doesn't hit me how depressing it gets using these "social" dating apps - I started out because I was curious, and I've made some friends using these apps. Of course, the majority of people here are looking for something else.

I know full well that these people who talk to me aren't doing so because they think I'm smart or funny or fun to talk to - there's only so much even a well-written profile can tell about you, after all.

These people talk to me only because they think I'm "hot", whatever that's supposed to mean. Is it supposed to mean that I'm fuckable? Because that's the message that these guys are sending. Sure, it's fun to watch them make fools of themselves, but it's also incredibly sad to see how many lies they're willing to throw at you just to see if they can make it into your pants.

It's lonely, and it's another bad habit I seem to have gotten myself into.

I've actually made some pretty good friends using these, and had good conversation with a few people too, but sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it.

The truth is, I don't even believe in these things anymore - not after Aoi-kun. These people pretend to be wolves, talking like they're everything you've been looking for when it's more than clear that they're just looking for someone to fuck.

Because that's all they're all interested in, isn't it?
Finding someone to fuck.

I'm so sick of all the lies, all the pretty words that they think others aren't saying too.
Why do I bother anymore?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What's Your Patronus?

Image
What's a patronus? According to Professor Lupin, it "is a kind of Anti-Dementor - a guardian which acts as a shield between you and the Dementor". It basically conjures an incarnation of the caster's innermost positive feelings, such as joy or hope, and is a weapon rather than a predator of souls. Patronuses shield their conjurors from Dementors, and can even drive them away. They can also be used to send messages. Well. I've always wondered what my patronus would be. Once upon a long-ass time ago when I was in Primary School, I'd have said that my patronus was a dog, mostly because my favourite animal back then was a dog (of course, that was way before I realised exactly how awkward I am around animals). Then a few years after that when I was in Secondary School, I would have said that my patronus was a tortoise or a turtle, for reasons that I'd prefer not to say. And then after I graduated from NAS, I asked myself again what my patronus co...
Read more

Red.

Image
I always dye my hair red - I started dyeing it two years ago after I completed my internship because I felt that it was time, I was ready, and I haven't dyed it a different colour ever since. Of course, constant dye jobs do nothing for the hair, which is why I allowed mum to nag me into doing a henna job on my hair instead of the usual bright red I ask of the hairstylist. The result is that my hair now looks orangey instead of red, which is what I expected but nevertheless found myself incredibly disappointed with. (The irony is that I never have such complaints about my hair colour whenever my red fades to orange within the first two weeks of the fresh dye.) Tsuki-kun told me that he felt the orange suited me better since the red was too bright, but I can't quite bring myself to agree with him. See, the thing about red is that I chose the colour myself - it was the colour I was absolutely sure that I wanted for myself, and I never regretted the colour. Sur...
Read more

Break The Mirror. Please.

Image
I don't want to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I don't want to see my reflection, I don't want to see that ugly girl staring back at me. Those pleading eyes. She wants me to do something, anything, just so she doesn't look so ugly. She's fat and ugly. Hideous, both inside and outside. All she wants is to stop thinking. Because every time she does, the knife inches ever closer to her heart. She will never be as perfect as her . She just wants to stop looking. Shut up. Just shut up. Stop comparing. I know I'm ugly. Stop thinking. Leave me alone! She wants to stop seeing all the fat bits, all the wobbly jiggly bits that she aches to just cut off. Just grab a knife and slice them all off and she won't be so FAT . She won't be so UGLY . She just wants to kill herself. Please?
Read more