For we must all learn to howl.

So, I'm 21. I can't tell you how it feels, because truth be told I'm still fighting the rising wave of terror I've felt come and go since June 1st - today has felt like a time bomb all through the month, with me looking forward to and yet dreading it with every fibre of my being. I have my reason for this fear, but I'm not sure I want to share it up here. Right now I'm just trying to remind myself over and over again that it's already my birthday, the midnight hour has passed and I'm already 21 and nothing is going to change that except for my turning 22 next year. It's a lot harder to accept than I thought - this stray tendril of thought keeps repeating itself in my head like a mantra: I was not supposed to reach this point. I am not supposed to be here. I'm not going to elaborate on that here - I have enough of dealing with it in my head than to try wrestling with it on a laptop screen. Everyone's been asking me what I want for my...

"Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur." The world wants to be deceived, so let it be deceived.

Finally watched Eat Pray Love after we came back from Bali and learned this very important lesson. It hurts less, somehow.  Packing my stuff for class later - I'd really like to skip because I feel like death warmed over (I've never understood that phrase, to be completely honest with myself) but I think it'll be better to at least force myself to leave the house instead of dying in my room. It's really tempting to just wrap myself in my hoodie and sleep the day away, though. I'm bringing tea, too. You know how when you're sick you really need to drink water, but for some reason your body just can't stand the thought of it? Add to that the fact that I already don't drink enough water as it is and you'll find that I've got a real problem on my hands. That's why it was good that a friend once taught me to drink tea instead of water when I fell sick - it's not so difficult to coax your very-reluctant body to drink tea inst...

Where was this when I needed it fresh Because it all feels like it’s going bad again Or is it just because I’m sick and my head’s spinning so fast I can’t keep up body burning up and all I want is you here to tell me to care shhh it’s ok maybe it’s the voices in my hea- wait no they’ve been here all the while let them through, they’re family. I think they comfort her. maybe it’s because it’s a Monday and you’re probably still at the office  (God, do you never leave on time?) maybe joking around with your colleagues because they’re all nice people like you Why does it feel like you don’t exist any more why does it feel like I’m starting to forget beautiful, yes. beautiful, what? What was that? I forget. I remember. I forget. it sounds to my ears when I say it like you’re dead maybe you’re dead to me are we dead to each other? is this how it feels when someone walks out of your life? like they simply cease to exist in y...