Partners

Some days your necklace around my neck feels so heavy I fear I might suffocate from its weight - other days it's a source of comfort for me, a little secret encased in this reminder to me that even if I don't know where to turn you'll always be there.

What have you done to me?
I must insist that you undo this spell that sits heavy in my chest, pulling and tugging and wheedling until I find myself beside you again.

I must insist, just like you insist with your eyes and lips and touch and warmth for me to give in - give in to me, stop thinking, let your thoughts go and feel, just feel - and dear god I do.

Your scent, your scent is all I can register wrapped around me like your hoodie - your eyes glinting with haze and mischief - your hands, so warm and strong - your voice low and hoarse with our intermingling breaths. 

In these moments - I am lost.
In these moments - I am found.

What have you done?

~
I am not ashamed, I want to scream. I am proud, proud to be with you, proud that you want me, that you have seen every part of me and somehow still chose me.

But I cannot, not without losing us.

I want to shout it out: Look at this boy. He's changed so much, tried so hard. He makes me feel safe, fortunate, loved.

But I cannot, because everyone around sees only a boy.

They see what they want to see.

Someday, you tell me. Someday they will accept us.
Someday, I breathe. Someday.

Someday is a word that we're going to see very often.