For we must all learn to howl.

After reading this book, I started wondering what my passions were. (I mean, I can think of anything at all at any time of the day, so it's not really out of the ordinary for me.) XD Hm, I'd say that I'm most passionate about singing and acting... Though I'd like to add that I'm not very good at either of them!! It's like I love singing, but I can't sing very well, and I love acting, but I can't act very well either. BOO. I love to combine a little bit of both, though, especially when I'm with my friends. Like I can just break out into song anytime, anywhere, when I'm with them and in a good mood. Or like how I can just act in any way in a fit of sudden randomness when I'm feeling crazy-hyper. Honestly, anyone I hang out with can tell you that :) It's just awesome when I can make my friends smile and laugh. To me, that's the most satisfying thing about acting in front of them. Like when I do something that they find funny (though I ...

I followed my mom to the market two days ago, and had an encounter that I can only describe as bizarre... This old auntie asked me something in Chinese, but I didn't really catch what she said, so I was like, "Huh?" She gave me a look and asked me in English, "English or Malay?" I replied, "No, English and Chinese." (it just seemed to be the right thing to say) She then commented that I was Chinese but seemed unable to speak in my mother tongue. WTH?! I was so angry!! I mean, she didn't even give me the chance to speak before she jumped in and said that I couldn't speak in Chinese!! Hey, I know that my Chinese is bad, but at least I can speak it!! I'm aware that I give some people the impression of being a person who doesn't speak Chinese, but it can't be that bad, right??... Uff. On to others, mom brought me to the Fullerton Hotel that night!! It was simply amazing/awesome/astounding/whoohoo!! XD She told me that the Fullerton Hot...

I didn't get to blog about this (which happened last Monday , ugh) so to make up for it I'll just have to blog NOW. To sum it up, it was totally rockin' !! When I first got there, the early ones (sec 2s and 3s) were pretty dead (think comatose) but after bowling, everyone started warming up to one another :) I didn't go bowling though, cos knowing how accident-prone I am, I'd probably be the one who goes sailing down the alley instead XP So. While we (I mean they) were bowling, our guys (sec 2/3/4s) were trying to start the fire. Wish I'd taken a video of it, it was hilariously cute! I think 3 of them were from scouts, so they were like, "Oh, starting the fire will be easy !" 30 minutes later: They're like, "Oh, it's the wind laa, otherwise we'd have gotten the fire going a long time ago!" Um, there wasn't any wind ._. Anyway, the fire did get going (hooray!!) and the 3r2 guys left for their class chalet while the two sec 2 gu...

Hahas, I don't know why but I just felt like posting all the pictures of the skies that I had ^.^

Take a knife stab it through the heart "It doesn't hurt", you tell yourself. "It doesn't hurt." Watch the blood flow gushing out; spilling over "I'm happy", you say. "I'm happy." Are your fingers crossed? Creating bizarre patterns yet so beautiful "Hearts of dollies, all lined up", you croon. "So pretty." Feeling your life ebb away the knife was sharp "It doesn't hurt", you moan. "It doesn't hurt." And yet, near the end, you whisper, "It does..." And a tear falls to the floor.

We shine like an unpolished gem. We soar like the eagle does. When we move the world watches transfixed. When we speak the world listens waiting in anticipation. We are not the best, but we try. As we share our triumphs, we share our failures too. We are the Ngee Ann Drama Club.

Dad brought me to eat at this food centre at Amoy Street yesterday (there's this fish noodle stall there that really rocks!), and it was in the CBD area. I've always fantasised about working there someday, mainly because the people who work there all seem so successful and cool. When we went to the food centre, there seemed to be quite a few empty seats. But as I went to sit down, oops there was a tissue packet on it. And on the seat beside it. And the seat beside that. And so on. Oh, even better, some tables had umbrellas on them -.- I found it really amusing. I mean, these people are supposed to be the ones who are 'more educated', right? So what's with the whole 'using a tissue packet to book my seat' thing? If you ask me, its really dumb! Honestly, there doesn't seem to be much logic used here. It's not like the seat has their name on it, or that by using a tissue packet, the seat is immediately reserved for them. What if someone takes their tiss...

So we had our Open House last Saturday... I was a student ambassador, whoop-de-do. In truth, it wasn't as boring as I expected :) We gathered at the canteen at 8.30 am, then went to the staff lounge to dump our bags and get into teams with our partners (I teamed up with Sherry, yaay!). Oh, we had to wear the sashes to show that we were student ambassadors, and we got the seaweed-coloured one -.- 'Edward' got the yellow one... T.T I wanted to get a yellow sash so badly!! (And yes, 'Edward' came back to help out with the Open House-isn't that just so awesome of him?? XD) Oh, he saw me, and he smiled at me!!! Eeek!! XD Yay, I was so hyper at that moment! :) Then we went back to the canteen and waited for parents to arrive so that we could bring them on a tour of the school and the new facillities. We were to bring them to the science labs, then the dance studio, then the classroom block, then the MPH and finally the ISH. When we got our group and started our tour...

Okay, I remember wanting to blog so bad for the past few days, but seems like the moment I sneak online, I just can't remember what I wanted to blog about!! :( Oh well, a few days ago, mom made soba for us. As always, delicious! Some pictures included, ittadakimasu ! :) Gwahaha so I've been swamped with Drama practice, Open House training, Drama practice, homework (not really XP) and did I mention DRAMA PRACTICE??! Okays, maybe its because we've been having nonstop sessions, 10-5 for the whole week. Minus Monday cos Ms Ross had tonsillitis (GRACE!!!!!) and Tuesday cos for whatever reason, we just didn't practice. But add in two Thursday sessions and one Friday session and yup, still swamped. LOL. I'm not complaining too much though (I hope) cos yes I love the DC and the practices and all the sweat, blood and tears we go through, not to mention all the screaming we earned. Sometimes I wonder why I even chose the cca in the first place, then I remember that I was put...

Lols, the pictures are all in random order... XP

I'm feeling really depressed. If you see how I act in school, you wouldn't agree at all , but the truth is the truth. I'm feeling really low. I haven't seen 'Edward' for about 14 days now, yet to me it feels more like a month. Sounds like something from the Twilight series, but that's the truth. Now that I haven't seen him for so long, I really miss him. A lot. Shan Xuan asked me yesterday, "Would you be content just to see his back?" When I answered yes, she seemed a little taken aback. Maybe my standards might be considered low, but the truth is that I so rarely get to see him, so being able to see his back makes me feel happier even though its nowhere near the effects of being able to see him . Before, I was able to go hyper throughout the entire day just because I was able to see him during assembly, and that sort of 'fueled' me. Now, when I want to be hyper in front of my friends I have to draw upon my own 'fuel', so it ge...

Last Friday was the official last day of school!!! Yaay! Now here comes the sad part: We still have lessons. {crying} But hey, good thing is that the school year is officially OVER! Wahaha~ Oh hang on, if school's out, doesn't it mean that I WON'T SEE 'Edward'?? {more crying} Ok, I really need to cheer up before I flood this whole area XP So... We went on a trip to our dear old science centre! Yay! ^^ 13 of our classmates volunteered to go, which is actually really good turnout seeing that the other 2 classes didn't have as many people going, and I heard that they had to be forced to go. Well, too bad, suckas! {Okay, sorry. I can't help being random.} XP We got on the bus, and our class was so hyper!! I'm not exaggerating here, you could practically feel the dark aura of the other 2 classes at the front of the bus. Creeepy... Who knew that beansprouts could be emo? XD Anyways, we were clowning around, and taking all sorts of random pictures of everyone i...

Hahas, so we got our papers back...... Well I'm not gonna list the results (no way, no how) because, well... Ah, just because. So I'll just write (type?) random stuff here :) We got our class photos today! I only ordered the informal picture, cos the formals will be in the school annual anyway so why do I need to see 2 identical photos?? Oh, yay I don't look too retarded in the informal photo, which is good, but in the formal photo, I reckon I looked awful . Ghastly. Dreadful, frightful, and whatever else is in the thesaurus. Hm, at least my striking green watch helped to divert attention from the monstrosity. Oh oh, and I cut my hair yesterday! :) The fringe is a bit too short for my liking, but hey, everyone else seems to like it. I was greeted with cries of "OMG Nat , you look so cute !!" One said I looked cute like a doll, and another said I looked cute like the 'chio' kind. Um. Well one reaction I've definitely noticed is that friends can...

I saw him today as I walked into school I gasped What was he doing? My intense gaze attracted his attention He turned those gorgeous orbs in my direction Brown stared into brown I froze, my heart beating fast. Suddenly, he smiled rose his hand, and waved. I sucked in a large amount of air into my lungs; I think my heart stopped I raised my hand in a tentative wave wanted to go over, talk to him. Just then, I saw a girl walking towards him. My thoughts screamed. She was gorgeous, perfect. Just then I realised he wasn't waving at me. It was meant for Her. My heart broke into a million pieces Unconsciously, my eyes prickled with tears My heart raced; andrenaline building up. I strode to their side and smacked her on her cheeks. She shrieked; I felt good at least till he slapped me. I stood still; shocked. He had never raised a hand against me before. But my taekwondo skills were faster; I instinctively reacted and broke his beautiful nose. ...

Disappointed in me You were Confused I was What did I do wrong again? Cannot I act? Cannot I be Myself? What was wrong with being Me? With talking the way I usually talk? Confused Confused My heart beats Confused Can'st thou accept me as I am? Silent Disapproving Your eyes watched my every move Every gesture Hearing all But naught registers Till I try to make you laugh Make you happy. You Snap. Not so silent now. Stung by your words I fruitlessly try to defend myself Ashamed Disappointed You never want to hear me say those words again in that accent. Why? Why? WHY? Accident! Purely accident; Had I known I would not have said that and unknowingly angered you. But too late now You disapprove of me. Frowning, scowling, erupting at your defenceless kin your daughter.

Yessss the exams are FINALLY OVER!!!! I don't believe it-I have survived another exam week, the feeling is so satisfying... XD So I'll give a short exam rundown here :) Social Studies- Average, what can I say right? -.- Emath 1- It was gooooood :) English 1 & 2- As usual, I'm worried that I might not perform up to standard... Mother Tongue 1 & 2- Paper 1 was pretty good, paper 2 was average :) Chemistry- The thing blew up in my face!!! T.T E.History- Average :( Amath- The first page was good, the next four pages were absolute hell. Biology- Not as difficult as I expected :) Emath 2- Waaay tougher than Emath 1 :( Geography- Would have gone pretty well if for those STUPID people outside our class had not made all that noise... I SWEAR I will kill them if I manage to get my hands on them. Okie, so that's the exam rundown! ^^ Hm, I didn't manage to see 'Edward' today or the day before, but at least I saw him last Friday and this Monday :) When I saw him ...

{This was written for 2/10/09, 9:37PM} I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore. I 'fessed up. Not to 'Edward' though, but to the friend who started the "OMG Nat is obsessed" thing. I told her the entire thing, how insulted I felt, how I had to act to make them believe that I was totally over him. I swear that I didn't say anything harsh to her, but she was so worried that she'd betrayed my trust and that I'd never trust her again because she had judged me without good reason. I still trust her, but I can't give her 100% anymore. Then again, I don't think I'll ever tell them how I really feel about 'Edward' anymore. I trust them, but I'm not keen on inviting any more 'obsessed' suspicions. I want to be able to show them how happy I am whenever I see him, but now I feel that it's way too risky to open my heart so much. Even though this situation has been (somewhat) resolved, it feels like that spark has died w...

{This was written for 1/10/09, 7:18PM} Today, I put my carefully-formulated plan into action. I acted as though I couldn't care less about him in front of them, even though I sneaked peeks at him when I was sure that they weren't looking. I acted as though I didn't give a damn that he was graduating tomorrow , when I actually felt so sad that it was beyond description. They all fell for it, hook, line and sinker. My acting was good. My heart and mind were in bad shape, though.

{This was written for 31/09/09, 4:13PM} So insult number 1, I've been told that I'm obsessed with my 'Edward'. Insult number 2, this statement came from those whom I consider as my close friends. To be dramatic (I am in the NASDC after all), I could say that this was a stab in the back - the ultimate act of betrayal. Till this day, I have no idea how this whole 'obsessed' topic came on. School had ended, we were walking out of the school gates and chatting about random stuff, when bam , the topic sneaks up on us. Anyway, I want to focus on the 'obsessed' topic. Not that I'm blaming anyone here, but humour me for a while. Imagine that you like this sec 4 guy who is supposed to be graduating in 2 days time. Obviously, you'd be pretty cut up about it. Not to mention that he has his 'O' levels in 27 days time and you have your finals, plus you're worried about your bad grade in math, and no amount of practice seems to be able to pull it ...

Yesyesyes I know this is like the 3rd post today, but I really have so much to add in!!! Waaaaa~~ Ok, and well I just sneaked into msn, and OMG OMG 'Edward' changed his account, and he was like, "Add meeeeee!!!" though well I don't think it was meant for me, but I still added him anyway :P Yikes, I feel like a stalker or some obsessed freak! Such a dirty, unclean feeling... I feel kind of guilty now :( Ohmigod finals are creeping up even faster than I'd prefer, but then again since when do I actually have a say in this matter? In truth, since when did any of us students ever have a say in these matters? Hmm, how about NEVER? Riiight? So anyway about 2 weeks more to finals, and what am I doing? Blogging/writing in my diary, listening to 98.7, reading, basically doing anything to escape the horror of having to do revision. Truth is, I find all these tests devoid of any meaning (not to mention that they are uber boring...) especially since I've sort of decide...

So the sec 4s are graduating next Friday, October 2. Is it me, or am I the only one who actually seems upset about this?? I mean, no one else seems to care . Maybe I'm overreacting (again), but I really am upset over this. After all, 'Edward' will be leaving too. Every day that passes by, I mourn because I'll miss him the most. I have not told him of my feelings for him, and I will not. I don't want to jeopardise this friendship I have with him. Yes all this sounds like some soap opera, but then again... Well he did say that he's aiming for college, and so with any luck, I'll be aiming for that too. I wanted to get him something, but I really rather not because I don't want him to start suspecting anything. Plus, every single time I see him, he's with his friends. I don't want to be the junior who keeps looking for him. People might talk, and by then I can kiss good-bye to my sanity. Or maybe its just my over-active imagination playing games with...

So this my new blog. Whoopee.Though from what I see there doesn't seem to be much that I can type here without worrying that some idiot who knows me might just read my posts and spread it around so the whole frickin' world shall know what I have here. Don't get me wrong though-I did choose to do this, but the thing is, I like being able to write (type?) whatever I like without worrying about others reading it. So I guess that diaries are seriously handy for times like these. Hmm, lets move to a less depressing subject... so yeap I saw him today, if looking at his back counts. Who am I talking about, you ask? Well, none other than my Edward. Yes its soo cliche but then again, how can I complain? Almost everyone I know calls me 'the Singaporean Bella', and not without good reason. I even have a Jacob (or at least that's what my friends call him.) Back to subject, I saw him!! He didn't see me though (from what I can guess) and that should be a good thing; if h...