For we must all learn to howl.

Just got home from steamboat @ Jo's place - stuffed ourselves with food and had fun talking/laughing/chilling by the water. Stepped into the shower and was hit by a sudden thought: Warm fuzzies make me miss Artemis even more. Enjoying a nice warm shower isn't possible anymore - all they do is make me feel even lonelier because all I think of is Artemis, and suddenly the water feels like his arms wrapped around me. And it's truly unbearable - it's easy to go mad like this. Wanted to text a friend about this, but decided against it. I don't want to sound like some whiny little girl lost in her own world. But all I want is to find him. Artemis. Whoever you are, wherever you are... Please come and find me. Whatever you do, don't stop running because I won't either. I want to find you - will find you - someday, so please don't forget me. Don't give up on me.

I’m scared. I’m so scared. Everything’s crashing down on me – work, school, university, life in general. The Nat who always knew how to wing her way out of sticky situations – the Nat who always smiled no matter what because don’t worry and everything’s going to be okay is now shivering in the corner because Kamisama help her, she doesn’t know what to do anymore. University: I don’t know what I want to do, what I want to study, if I want to study. If I’m brutally honest with myself the only place I can go to is somewhere language is needed, because quite frankly I’m useless at everything else. I’m considering working after I graduate, but my parents are hearing none of it – they want me to study. I’d like to work because it’d be good to have some extra money in my account, plus who feels good about letting their parents pay for them every step of the way? I’m almost 20, for cryin’ out loud. Even if you don’t treat me like I’m going to be fully legal in two years time, I’d l...

I don't know how, but I managed to crash from 6pm yesterday till this morning. God, I must have been dead tired to have crashed this early and for so long. In fact, it feels like I might have slipped into a small coma during that period...

Stop Press is done. Well, not really, we still have to collate everything and print tomorrow in the Pub Room. But most of everything is done, and all that's left to do is print and worry that something might go wrong in accordance with Murphy's Law. But perhaps there can be some time to sit back and have a cuppa first before worrying about the next assignment due in about two days (yes, IJ, I'm eyeing you). The truth is, I can't allow myself to rest just yet - too many things due in too short a period of time. We still have all these: IJ due 23/1/14 Med Law group project due 27/1/14 Mag Ed group project ( 24 PAGES ) due 5/2/14 IJ group portal due 6/2/14 PBL Final ( 12 PAGES ) due 10/2/14 Grrr. But to be completely cheesy and lame (and further support Milk's claim that I'm an otaku), I might as well look at assignments as titans, na? *grabs 3DMG and flies off into the sunset* SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WEIR SIND DIE JAEGER!

You know what to do. I've also just realised that I've been clean for about a month now. I think I'm supposed to be proud of myself.

I couldn't really believe this was an ad, I thought someone had made a video of his own and was hoping for it to go viral or something. Sure, the video isn't perfect, and there are quite a few cringe moments. But all in all, I think it's pretty cute, and it made me laugh :)

I've never been a big fan of nightcore mixes, because I think they sound like chipmunked, sped-up remixes of good songs. But then I had to stumble across THIS: I was hooked from Ravers In The UK. The beats are good, and though I have to admit that the first track was still the best, it transitions well in my opinion and ugh, these are good rave tracks to begin with. I don't rave, but I can certainly see people raving to this. I LOVE THIS. Plus I've recently discovered that with a sudden lack of new trance mixes, some of these nightcore mixes are pretty damned good for studying. On the other hand... Either the bass is too light or it's been way too long since I listened to dubstep, because I am not hearing a properly filthy track.

詰まらない。 I'm waiting for the speaker to skip all the this-is-what-we-love-best-about-NTU bull and GET TO THE POINT. This is supposed to be an ADMISSION/SCHOLARSHIP talk.  I'm not interested in hearing about your "graduate employability" at this very moment.  Oh hey, something interesti- it's only for first-year undergrads from ENGINEERING. Sigh. It doesn't matter if the building is designed by a BRITISH designer if it's still fugly. Sitting next to a girl with an SNK cap. SNK PRIDE WHOO. The speaker is literally READING EVERY WORD OFF THE SLIDES. Save me. That's it? That's the talk? God I could have gotten everything from the brochures.

Why is the world spinning? When I sit, when I stand, I feel like I'm going to keel over at any moment. Wearing or taking off my glasses makes no difference - it's got nothing to do with that then. My room's bright enough that my vision shouldn't be affected. I've been eating (somewhat) regular meals so it's not food. It can't be sleep either - I've been clocking 6 hours every night. I just need to know why I feel like I'm going to faint. Edit: Apparently BPPV can be re-triggered by stress.  Great, so that explains it. Although that also means that I don't have the usual meds given to me by the doctor, and we don't sell aspirin here.

Bloody headache won't. go. away. And I genuinely hate doing transcripts of interviews. More than anything I hate transcripts. I'm getting by with tea and coffee and more coffee - head's buzzing but at least it numbs the stabbing pain behind my eyes for now. Coffee 咖啡 コーヒー Kopi 커피 Caffe Well, it's back to transcribing - I promised myself I'd allow myself one anime episode per completed task. Ciao!

The colours are too bright; too loud. They mimic the voices inside, all screaming for attention, pushing and shoving to make their way to the front.

Just fucking look at this. This is too fuckin' cute for words.

Of course I'm a people person - what are you talking about?

Went back to visit the drama club today after what, a month of not seeing them? It's all good, they're practising for a new production and it's always interesting to watch them practice because they're all precious little shits. But no matter how much I love them, no matter how much I love being able to hug them and say hello because I never get to around school anyway because I'm too busy rushing around and not even looking at anyone in general anymore, a part of me will always somewhat wish I didn't go back because it hurts to see them at the same time. It hurts because watching them also reminds me that I won't ever get to step onto the stage again, and that aches like a physical pain. It's not like I don't want my juniors to act - that will never be true because I know how amazing it feels to act and I never want anyone who loves it to be deprived of that feeling - it's just that it makes me remember how much I  miss acting, how much I mi...

It's been a long day. Scratch that, it's been a long week. Month. Lifetime. Whatever. I can't wait for this to be over, I'm so tired between doing shit for Stop Press and Anatomical (that's what I call my IJ blog) and also looking out for more shit for the Mag and Talking City. Oh yay, more shit to do for PBL. And here I was thinking we might actually get some down-time, a momentary lull between our writing stuff and the Mag itself. Milk's humming beside me. I think she does it to stay calm? In times of stress, she hums. I seek out the nearest decent-sounding trance/house mix. God how I miss Nakashin4 - I could really do with a really good hour-long mix right about now. The class is surprisingly quiet - everyone's just about drained and ready to die. I was pretty disappointed by the sudden change in plans - we were supposed to go for drinks after class today for one of our Mag articles, but that plan got scrapped after realising that fuck, we don...

Because what do I do when I'm stressed beyond actual productivity? I make a list of all the things I should be doing. 13/1 APEL Portfolio 15/1 Mag Ed Journal 18/1 NTU Talk 20/1 Stop Press 4 articles (TMP, CMCR, RLEG, School Trail) Remember to help Darren with Mindscape article if needed 22/1 Opportunity Fair 22/1 MIDNIGHT IJ news story 6/2 IJ Group Blog (thetalkingcity.blogspot.sg) 10/2 Final PBL due 14/2 Mag Ed Group Presentation

I like to think I'm quite the simple person. If I want to learn something, and you won't teach me or explain something, fine. I'll just ask my friends or figure something out on my own.

- This contract is perfect. Nothing to change whatsoever. In fact, you don't even have to pay me or credit me or anything. Just feed me food and make it so I don't have to look at this ever again. - I'd probably be the happiest underpaid worker ever. - "the Producer shall not at any time during the engagement pursuant to this Agreement participate in any hazardous or dangerous pursuit or voluntarily take any risks which might prevent the Producer from being ready and able at all times to perform the Services required..." EXCEPT FOR TRIATHLONS COS THOSE BE THE SHIZZ YO - you know what, just take my rights too. I can live with it. - still thinking about him. what's WRONG with me, I haven't been this pathetic since sec 1 or 2. - basically anyone with friends studying law or lawyer friends (or lawyer parents) can ace this by just asking them to look through this and use their answers. sigh. - I can feel my brain bleeding from this. - Now it'...

I'm currently sitting at CBTL waiting for the others to arrive so we can put all our stuff together and head to the printing shop to print all our shit and head home to work on Med Law... And well, you know me. I think. I brood. And I write my thoughts down and post them up here. ~~~ You know how people tend to tell their single friends that “you’re got to love yourself before someone else can love you”? I don’t really agree with it (surprise, surprise). And you wanna know why? It’s because it’s not true. Well, I should say it’s not completely true. It’s true that you need to be able to love yourself, because who else is going to love you when you’re alone? And it’s also true that if you love yourself, you’ll be more likely to attract others because confidence is sexy. Thus, loving yourself is sexy (and you feel good too!). But when you’ve been on your own for too long, you start to feel lonely. And then, you start to forget why you love yourself. You start wonderin...

Fuck you, Nat. It's like being 14 all over again. 2 days to mope. I promised, after all. 2 days to mope and remind myself exactly why  I'm an idiot, and then I'll be back to myself. 4/1/14 12:05am I'm done. With crying, that is. Moping wise, I still need the time. I'm still upset, but I'm done for now. Or at least holding back whatever else I'd like to let out. I have other things to worry about besides something as irritating as my emotions. Fuck being emotional. I wish I couldn't feel anything at all - it would save me a lot of trouble.

"They're the prey and we're the hunters!"

Personal favourite: Only a website could make someone as art-challenged as I am capable of creating something so beautiful. Check it out for yourself: weavesilk.com Edit: I seem to like going back to this website when I'm bored/stressed/upset.   Personal favourite:

*checks phone for time* 11:11pm *switches phone off* I didn't want to linger on the time anymore, seeing how I'm a pretty firm believer in wishing on 11:11. I don't always believe wishes come true, but I do believe in the power of wishing. I didn't want to look at the time anymore because I knew that what my mind and heart would wish for were two completely different things. My mind shut up and concentrated on work, but my heart made a wish anyway. Damn it all.

It is hard to explain how a piece of paper is excruciatingly difficult to fill when years ago words would have written themselves without a second thought How the weight of a pen  is now a familiar stranger like once-lovers meeting at crossroads after a particularly painful parting How melodies that used to play now sound dusty and distracted when they once rang as clear as rainwater and sounded as sweet as the taste Like a dance only half-remembered, steps mostly forgotten though the song still plays over and over like a broken record in an old woman's heart It is truly frightening to feel as though all your senses have been dimmed For that is exactly how it feels it is not living What use is the richest of wines if one cannot taste it The loveliest of masterpieces if one cannot see it What use is a dancer without her legs a singer with no voice an artist with no brush a photographer with no camera What u...

It's officially 2014!!! Happy New Year to everyone reading this, seriously, I hope your New Year celebrations are awesome wherever they are. I went for the countdown with Xinyi and her friends, and it was really good! They were such cool people and so hyper oh my god.  I had a blast, and hopefully I can say that we're all friends now because holy shit they're so fun hahaha. And this is somewhat because of the fun that I had and everything, but... Even though I had fun... 2014 wasn't supposed to start this way. Damn it all.  (Ignore that last part, that's only meant for me and Xinyi because she knows what it's about. The celebrations were AWESOME. It's just that, well... Something else happened too. And I'm not sure what to feel about it because yeesh , you know?)