Upset

Listened to a few things I wish I didn't have to today.

Infighting, politics, people who just couldn't care less... These were things that were common enough back when we were around, but the thing was that we'd solved most of those problems by the time we had to leave.

The problem is now that it appears to be that those problems have come back in full force, and the situation seems worse than before.

Listening to all that made me incredibly upset because this isn't what we fought for. This isn't what we argued and cried over and planned for. This wasn't the legacy that we left behind.

What we left behind wasn't perfect, but it had something. Everyone was more or less getting along, and everyone seemed to know what they wanted as a whole.

This isn't what I'm seeing now. This isn't what I'm hearing now. I'm hearing stories about people getting kicked out, about people being pressurised to quit. I'm hearing about people staying for all the wrong reasons.

I came back because you asked me to. I came back because you needed me, and because I would drop everything to be able to have the chance to stand onstage with my fellow actors.

I want to scream now. Where is the passion that you should be having? Where is the fire to fight for what you should? You have no discipline, no will to sweat or bleed or cry for your craft.

You think this is a game?

This means so much to the ones before you, and the ones before them, and the ones before them. This stands for so much, and yet I see that you're not respecting the culture that you walked into.

How dare you look at what you do with such flippant eyes.

You now have everything that we had to fight tooth and nail to have - proper facilities, proper venue. Why are you not thankful for what you have? Is it because you've been merely given what we used to have to struggle for?

And what really stung was knowing that you didn't fight for what was supposedly yours. A tradition that should have been kept wasn't. Why? If we had been in that situation we would have raised hell and demanded to be heard, demanded for the right to keep something as simple as that.

It's so frustrating.

Think - why are you here? Are you willing to bleed - to laugh, to cry, to sweat and scream - for what you do? Because if you're not, I'm afraid you're not here for the right reasons.

We were once told that we had to fight for the spotlight, for the chance to stand onstage where we belonged. I don't see the same fighting spirit in these new eyes - I don't see the hope, the hunger to want to stand up there.

It makes me wonder if I have failed as a senior.

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