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I'm tired. I'm so tired.

Just ended a session - the performance itself is next Thursday and Friday - if I wasn't stressed enough my brain's creeping into full-out panic mode now because I've reached that stage where I hit a block and for some reason find myself completely unable to understand and connect to my character.

It wouldn't be such a big problem (I encounter this every time I have a character so it's nothing new, really) if not for the fact that the performance is next Friday.

When I was acting as Mrs Phua for TWCT, at least I still had some time to sort my character out and work on breaking through the block.

This time... If not counting the weekend because I'll be away, I have three days to perfect everything.

I have three days.
Three. Days.

Three days to perfect my character and script (there was a last minute change to the script that now requires me to speak in near-fluent Cantonese as if I wasn't already having a huge problem with the Hokkien song), to get everything down and solid and ready.

It would be so easy to just walk away from this, to say fuck it, I only agreed to help because I thought you needed me for some side role and there I have you adding even more to my plate because you say I'm "capable" of it.

Even I know an empty compliment when I hear one.

The only thing stopping me from walking away now is my pride and the fact that I promised myself I'd help my juniors.

But I'm so, so stressed, so close to breaking everything. I think my juniors saw how frustrated and stressed I was about everything, and I'm quite ashamed of it honestly - I need to keep my cool.

I shouldn't be this stressed - I know I can handle all this if I put my mind to it, and I know if I concentrate instead of running as usual I'll be able to clear my plate.

But I'm so, so stressed.

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