For we must all learn to howl.

I finally got my Christmas wish - I GOT TO GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS!! :) Okay, so it wasn't a whole day, but who's complaining? I mean, I got to go out with my friends, dress nice and feel good about myself, and have a lot of fun~ So seriously, I am not complaining. We went out to Orchard Road, where it seemed that almost a quarter of the country had gone too. Pushing through throngs of crazed Christmas shoppers, fighting your way past hordes of insane aunties who had also planned to enjoy a day out with their friends, it was all painful, scary and yet fun at the same time :) We walked till our we nearly collapsed, and then spent the rest of our time taking retarded photos of one another. I'll try to put the photos up, but I might just get strangled by the others... XD Oh yeah, since it's Christmas, I'll be sending Christmas cards to my close friends again. And just as always, I'll try to write a letter for everyone. I don't really know why I like to do it so ...

So, Christmas is coming, everyone is busy shopping for Christmas presents, writing Christmas cards, putting up the Christmas tree and/or packing to go on holiday. Oh, and loads of people are going out with their friends. Yup, you guessed it, I'm still stuck at home..... My mom's been out of the country for nearly the entire holiday, so I'm still forbidden from going out. With only music, books and my diary for company (I can't really text my friends because they're all working , lucky them.) the holidays have actually been pretty bleak. If I could have just one wish this Christmas, I wouldn't wish for an overseas trip (no, not even to Hokkaido!). I wouldn't wish for tons of presents, or even Christmas cards (though the latter is really welcome XD). What I'd wish for would be ONE WHOLE DAY of going out with my friends to catch a movie, go (window)shopping, whatever. What we do doesn't matter, it's just that I miss them so much, and I haven't s...

It's funny, I've never really taken much notice of how I speak English. I mean, it just comes to me, and I've never had the need to really take note of how I sound. Or at least, not till my dad commented just now how much I sounded like 'the others'. I had been way confused, and asked what he meant. "You're speaking too much Singlish." As far as I could remember, I had only spoken Singlish once, and that was when "la" had slipped out. I found it quite unfair. I mean, my English isn't all too bad, and I hardly speak anything other than good, standard English. Ask my friends, for goodness sake! How many times have they said that I sound American? How many times have they said that I don't sound local? There was once, during NASDC practice, that I tried out for a role. I got the role, but our instructor told me that I'd have to work extra hard on my speech, because "I didn't sound local enough". When should I speak rea...

What is wrong with the words I say the things I do? I guess only God knows... For can there possibly be a reason to treat me the way you do? Please tell me, what should I do for you to love me? I know you do not; I can see it in your eyes. You do not want me. In your eyes I am but a child, incapable of anything and everything. "Not for children" are the three sacred words that come from you when I try to prove that I am mature that I'm worth loving Am I? Really? The doubt in me grows ever faster. "It's just tough love," the others say, trying to reassure my fears. "Wrong, it's just no love," I say, defiance sparking through my tears. Always angry, always hateful, that is what you are. Always fearful, always broken, this is what you've made me. One day when I am strong enough, I'll pack my things and go. I know you'll never miss me. Out of sight, out of mind, Forever. Hm, this is my first ...

It's weird, but I've been fantasising of myself with 'Edward' lately.... I swear, it's all clean, but the feeling is just kinda weird... And I tried writing one out, but it looked so out of place! O.o

So! The day that we have all been waiting for has finally arrived : THE END OF THE 'O' LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!! It feels great! It feels fantastic! It feels... Pretty normal actually. :( Today was my last day (Bio MCQ), and when I asked around, it seemed as though everybody had already made plans to celebrate. "I'm meeting my friends to check this new cafe out." "I'm going to so-and-so's house to fangirl over SuJu." "I'm meeting my friend later so we can go running together." And me? "I'm going HOME, because I'm still under house arrest." Yes, I am under house arrest {so sad!} but it's because my mom's gone overseas and has expressly forbidden me to go out in her absence. Which makes it a lot more tempting to just sneak out... And while everyone was going off in groups to whoever knows where to celebrate, I got on the bus and headed home to emo. What made my currently wonderful day even better was when a gr...

OMG, I 'fessed to my mom about 'Edward'! I mean, I'd been meaning to for quite some time now, so I guess it didn't come as much of a surprise. The confession wasn't as difficult as I'd imagined it to be. Of course, it wasn't as though I was confessing to 'Edward' , because that would have been impossible. Having been rejected by previous crushes twice {I know it may not be much, but still}, it's gotten practically impossible for me to act natural around guys, and also to confess. Sigh, it's a fear I may never get over... When one of my friends asked me if there'd be any chance of me letting 'Edward' know how I feel after the 'O' levels, all I could tell her was, "I don't know." Man, I'm such a chicken :( Okay, that point aside, I told my mom about how I feel about 'Edward', and she totally shocked me by saying that she'd known about it all along, and that she approved of him {and my liking...

Well the prelims are finally over!!!!!!!! Magnifique ! Until I remember that we still have, what, 39 days till the 'O's? Well, that's a cheerful thought. Haha, okay I told my friend I'd try to be more cheerful while blogging, cos she read my blog and got kind of depressed. I had no idea my blog was capable of giving off such strong vibes.... Lol! :) though she did say that my poems rocked, which sent me all the way up to heaven XD Seriously, my ameteurish, random, depressing poems rocked?? I love you, girl!! XD Oh oh, and this guy friend of mine came to school even though he didn't have an exam today. Seriously, he came for no reason other than 'for fun'....... Man, and I thought I was nuts. Okay, this is like one of my worst posts ever, I don't really think I'll try the random, rambling post style anymore XP Ciao babes!

'EDWARD' CAME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm perfectly serious, he came back with his other friends to look for their teachers and wish them a happy Teacher's Day. And he said hi to me!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I think I'm losing it. Okay, take a deep breath, and let's go back to the beginning of the day. Right, so I came to school in the morning, and brought the apples that I'd bought with my friend yesterday. The apples were to be given to some of our fave teachers, because, well, apples are traditionally given to teachers..... So we thought we'd try giving apples, for fun. You know, something new. Who would have thought that some guys from another sec4 class had also decided to do something similar? The only difference was that instead of buying apples, they bought a watermelon. Seriously, an honest-to-goodness, green-outside-red-inside watermelon. Man, they really are different. Okay, with every event that the school celebrates, there must be a concert. It's part...

Crimson tears drip down my wrists As I slump onto the floor The razor sits beside me, a friend I never wanted to make. Trembling, I pick it up and hold it close to my arm As its teeth bite in, I cannot help but moan In painful ecstasy Of this self-inflicted torture this punishment Neverending pain as our souls mingle Connected Bonded by the flow of blood The blood of Life of Death Like a scarlet thread It binds us together The living and the dead As the emotions that control us weave an inescapable net.

So two days ago, our English teacher wanted us to split into groups and come up with a speech to present to the class. Our group chose to do a valedictorian speech, and so we were all trying to come up with ideas that the top student of the year might include in the speech. And while brainstorming for ideas, I suddenly wondered if this was how 'Edward' might have felt when he wrote his farewell speech for when his batch stepped down from the Student Council. And when I went to the front of the classroom to present our speech {nobody else wanted to, so I volunteered. I love doing this, anyway!}, it felt so much like how I might have imagined 'Edward' to feel when he addressed the Student Council. Or maybe I'm just dreaming again. Sigh. I miss him so, so much.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Better still, do you believe in the concept of soulmates? I know these are very random questions, but hey, stick with me long enough and the random becomes the norm. XD Well, one of my besties asked me these questions a few days back, so it kind of got me wondering about it. In truth, I sort of believe in love at first sight, but to me this love is merely physical attraction, so I'd say it needs time for the spark to grow into something else. And, well, I really do believe in soulmates. Believe it or not, I really do. I believe in the whole 'two souls fated for each other' thing, and I don't really know why, so don't even bother asking. XD I asked another bestie the same questions, and got slightly different answers {duh.} which is expected, because we'd all be mindless drones if we all thought the same way :) Well.................. I do hope my soulmate's out there somewhere, or maybe he's already in front of me b...

Okay, I'm sorry that all I seem to do lately is post amateur poems that are dark , and emo , and depressing . Well, I have to say that since I can't always find stuff to blog about (my life isn't that interesting) this will have to do :) Don't hate me, okay? XD

River dark and Water chill staring into its murky Depths I feel its power rush through me. Electrifying Unrelenting Suffocating. I feel you calling the Bringer of Life, the Deliverer of Death. Dragging me Pulling me into the ocean Endlessly Endlessly Drowning in Darkness. No Escape.

Now that you're gone... the school seems quieter no longer filled with your presence. Now that you're gone... my days are duller no longer brightened by the spark of seeing you. Now that you're gone... my heart seems colder no longer warmed by your ever-cheerful smile. Now that you're gone... the day seems longer for you are not here to make the time fly past. Now that you're gone... I realise how much I miss you. And soon... I will be gone too. And I will never see you again.

I saw some ex-students of the school today, and one of them was Edward's best friend! OMG!! Naturally, I thought that he just might be there too, but no such luck. Sigh, for a moment there I was hoping so badly to be able to see Edward again, but it turns out that I may not even see him anymore :( Oh well.................. Well the mock chinese oral today was horrible. Terrible. BOO. The reading aloud was alright for the first few minutes, then became a total nightmare as I got increasingly tongue-tied. There I was, stumbling over the words as I tried to look confident and read as naturally as possible {which is really tough when you're shaking like a leaf inside}, and the teachers weren't even looking at me!! :( Obviously, I took it as a bad sign, and I guess it kind of made things even worse :( The conversation topic was totally unexpected: It was about plastic surgery . In english, this is no problem for me {even though my english isn't as good as others think}, but...

Sigh............... I do not believe it, the June Holidays are very nearly over. Yay because this means that my birthday's coming up {whee!} and boo because ending of school holidays = reopening of school = one very sad Nat. ): Yes, the holidays don't officially end till next week, but for us it ends TODAY, because we have extra classes. Oh, man... ):

A few days back, I went back to school for Drama practice. I know, I know, we've already stepped down from the club, so we should be focussing on our studies and all, but then again we miss the club so darn much, and we'd heard that our juniors were in trouble due to bad attitudes, so we wanted to go back to help them out. So most of the seniors {me included} decided to meet up and go to the Drama session together, and I'm so glad we did! I admit feeling apprehensive at first. How would the juniors react to us suddenly coming back? Would they feel that we were there to steal the limelight from them, or just there to give them a 'scolding session'? Thank goodness though, the moment I saw the other juniors {I'd arrived earlier than the other seniors} all my fears and worries were erased. The juniors seemed so happy to see us, and said they'd missed us. Heck, I'd missed them too, especially the ones I felt extremely close to. Even though we seniors had pla...

Well, we've gotten our list of grades back.......... I don't really wanna list them down, except for saying that the L1R5 is 21...... :( Sigh, at least it wasn't as horrible as I had half-expected it to be, but still... I can't help but beat myself up about this, because I could have, should have, done a lot better. Good news and bad news : At least I wasn't shortlisted for Camp Phoenix (think of it as remedial camp), but then again I suspect it was only because I managed to get a decent grade for English :( Oh well, no more moaning, I'll have to start working extremely hard! If Edward could do it, so can I!! Gambatte!!

So today's the last day of school!! Yaay! Now, all that awaits us is the 'O' Level Chinese exam next Monday, and 2 weeks of EP after that, and 2 weeks free, left for us to do our mountainloads of holiday homework. ...Yaay... Well, same old, same old. The end-of-term announcements were pretty traditional. We had one by our unofficial DM, one by the school counsellor and one by each of our Vice-Principals (we have 2). In short {a very, very condensed summary}, the announcements were like this: During the June holidays, do not go out of the house, do not interact with friends, do not like or fall in love with members of the opposite sex, do not have fun of any sort. Have a happy holiday! AAAAAAARGH!!!! :( And we all got copies of our school magazine, and on one of the pages my picture was there, with a stupendously spastic expression on my face!!! Nooooooo! T.T By the way, our Intensive Mother Tongue programme is overrrrrr! XD When it first started, I was moaning nonstop...

Yay and darn ; the March Holidays are here. Yay because we get a one-week 'break' ; Darn because we're positively drowning in an ocean of homework, assignments and online quizzes. And we still have Drama practice. I'm not really complaining, but then again, time management has never really been my strongest point, so..... Right. Well, I'm gonna have to get my brain cells working a lot harder especially on my math and chemistry :( No more failing for me!! And I need to work a thousand times harder on my English, especially if I want to get that A1 at the end of the year. My mom will be out of the country too, so it looks like I'm stuck with a certain someone for the holidays T.T I'll have to try my best to stay out his way, then, though I'll mostly be praying that he won't be in a bad mood, or else he might blow up at me for the smallest of reasons. Although I do have to say, I'm quite numb to it by now. No more tears. I wonder, what will m...

There's agony in Pleasure there's ecstasy in Pain When the Light knows no boundaries the Dark shall rise again. When Joy turns into Sorrow and the angels give up the fight, There'll be no more tomorrow, for the Day shall turn to Night. That's when evil shall take flight. and the devil free to reign. For the world shall turn to ash, and blood will fall like rain. A world thrice-born from darkness, where madness and sin are strife. The ancient powers that collide would surely take your life.

Love is in the ice, Ice is in the air. Glass trees all around me, but nobody's there. The sea breeze is transformed, the crystals are in bloom. The flowers call my name, slowly spelling out my doom. A fantasy of creatures, dolls and golliwogs alike. Their eyes are full of malice, knives held glinting in the light. Look at these monstrosities, I must be in the world below. For nowhere else will you ever find demons in Fire's deadly glow.

When my friends and I get bored, we start thinking about really random stuff. Like today, during the Emergency Evacuation Exercise. I mean, come on , half an hour in the hot sun is bound to get you pretty bored, especially if there's nothing to do. Anyway, we started talking about Twilight (we're all fans of the Twilight book series) and wondering, "What if this happened instead of that ? Or that didn't happen? Or this happened?" and in the end, we came up with a list of Twilight what-ifs. This (hopefully) growing list deals with the what-ifs and consequences of some potential Twilight twists and turns. Enjoy! XD Note : The Edward in here, as well as all other characters mentioned here, are from the TWILIGHT SERIES. {Just in case you're confused XD} Twilight 1) What if Edward couldn't control himself and bit Bella, but Carlisle managed to save her from bleeding to death? -Bella would definitely become a vampire. Even if Edward hadn't drained her, th...

Howdy, folks! Well, okay, I'm sorry I haven't been able to get my butt online and blog, but hey, I've been pretty busy so far. These are just a few things on my daily to-do list: 1) Worry about 'O' Levels 2) Worry about homework, upcoming tests, maniac teachers... You get the idea. 3) Keep myself from missing 'Edward' too much. 4) Worry about my friends, family, and potential headaches. 5) Worry about my cca {I'll touch on this later} 6) Worry about the Student Council {This too} So as you can see, "worry" seems to be a rather common word in my vocabulary these days. Fine, so some people complain that it's too common a word, so according to the trusty thesaurus, worry=fret/brood/be anxious/troubled/disquiet................. The list goes on. Where's that box of Panadol? Okay, just kidding. So yes, in case you didn't already know, this year is 'O' LEVEL YEAR!!!!! I've been doing my best not to drown in the sea of homewor...