Randoms

Just to be random, Tish is awesome with makeup. Just saying. Love you, sweets.

You can't see much from here, but Tish helped me put eyeliner (because Kami-sama knows how bad my makeup skills are), and it was gorgeous. <3 Thanks, babe! (Can I bribe you to help me out with makeup more often, please?....)

Well today was tiring but pretty fun, what with helping out with filming for the school and then having drama practice (I only managed to catch the last 20 minutes of practice today due to filming, boo. Got to hug everyone though.) before going for dinner with the drama seniors, which was awesomesauce because I very very rarely manage to go for dinner. The parents get upset (read: SUPERFUCKINGANGRY) if I'm not back before 10pm after drama practice.

On my way home, I did what I do almost 24/7 - check Twitter. If you haven't heard by now, I am obsessed with Twitter, and I tweet pretty damn often. Like, several-times-an-hour often. Heh. ANYWAY. I saw that Tish had tweeted about her mum spilling hot soup over her because she'd backed into her. As if she (Tish) wasn't already hurt, her mum even yelled at her for being a klutz. Poor girl! :(

Tish was so angry, especially since it kind of was her mum's fault, but she was the one who got into trouble. We talked, and it turns out that we both get angry over how unfair it is that the kid is usually the one who gets into trouble all the damn time, even when the parent is in the wrong. Case in point: Her getting yelled at by her mum, even when it was her mum who spilled the soup. :/

The thing is, when such things happen, we have the rights to get angry. I mean, when you have hot soup spilled on you, I highly doubt that you'll still be sitting there smiling. No, you'd go "OW WHAT THE FUCK" or maybe even chew out whoever had spilled soup on you, I don't know. The thing is, you'd get angry, and you'd express it. Simple.

But no. As a kid, you can't get angry, and if you do, you sure as hell can't express it, because that's called "talking back". Because no matter what, the parents are always right, and you are always wrong. As a kid, there is no way to defend yourself, no way to fight back.

Sadly, this is how I feel at home. Whenever the parents are speaking, I just shut up and keep all my opinions to myself, because I've learned that to speak is to get my opinions shot down, each and every one. My dad takes pride in "discussing" topics with me (more like giving me a thousand and one reasons why everything I say is completely wrong), and then when I bow out of said "discussion" to avoid my blowing up at him or to avoid him getting angry because I'm still standing by what I say and not agreeing with what he says, he crows about how he's right and I'm wrong. Way to be modest, really.

I'm an extremely proud person, and accepting defeat wounds my pride, especially when I believe in what I say. For example, let's talk about homosexuality. I think homosexuality is acceptable, and I don't actually care if people are straight, curved or all sorts of wonky. As long as they're happy with their lives, I'll be more than happy to accept them the way they are.

Now for my parents. They claim to be open-minded, but they insist that homosexuality is wrong, a crime, and that anyone who isn't straight has "something wrong". I can't be bothered to challenge their views, honestly - it's what they believe in, and that's more than fine with me as long as they don't force their views on to me.

But they do, and I can't stand it. Isn't it enough that their daughter is straight? Who cares if her friends are straight, wonky or U-shaped? Sheesh. But nope, they have to "educate" me and tell me that homosexuality is WRONG. Wow. Okay. So I tell them my views every time I get dragged into this BS, and I always end up fighting with them, and ending up crying. Again. In the end, I just learned to keep my mouth shut, pretend to agree with whatever they say or quietly scoff whenever I don't agree with what they say, and then proceed to throw whatever views they have that I don't agree with into the bin.

"Are you sure you want to move this file into the Recycle Bin?"

"Definitely." click.

"Are you sure you want to permanently delete this file?"

"Yep." click.

To end off, here's something I definitely agree with.

Ah, the joys of being a teenager.

I'd like to make my parents, especially daddy dearest, live ONE DAY in my life. Just one day, that's all. I'd like for them to experience what it's like to live as a teenager in today's society, and face the same problems that I do. I'd like to see what they have to say about me being a disappointment to them then.

Have you ever heard "Reflection" from the Disney "Mulan" movie? On bad days, that song can easily reduce me to a sobbing mess, because of the lyrics and how they reflect how I feel. Because I will never be the perfect daughter that my parents might want. Because I will never be smart enough, pretty enough, obedient enough...

But you know what? I'll never be the perfect daughter, and I'm alright with that. Because there's only one Natalie Chew Si Min in this world, and she's perfect enough to be the only one playing the role.