Dark or Bright?
For as long as I've been me, I've loved wearing dark colours. It's not a secret - Natalie Chew just loves wearing dark, sombre colours. It's always been who I am, and I'm usually quite comfortable with it.
Why, then, have I been feeling increasingly self-conscious about what I wear lately? I mean, I always go to school in jeans (black skinnies now that I've finally made my purchase), a shirt (usually black) and sneakers (also black). Oh, and my black oversized bag and wristband. It's what I wear. It's my own unique (well, maybe not quite...) taste. I like it.
But everyone around me loves colours. They embrace wearing bright colours that really make them stand out. Jo wears clothes that make her look more mature most of the time, in colours that flatter her (or at least from what I seem to see), Dayna loves her textures and patterns and it truly reflects in what she wears. Hui Min wears whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and pulls it off so frustratingly effortlessly. Tish has her slightly eccentric taste that always makes her look attractive (and at least one-and-a-half heads taller than me). And me? I'm forever the girl who's in black, from head to toe. And when we take pictures, hang out, look in the mirror etc etc.... I think, nice, gorgeous, ooh, wow, ............ugh.
Don't you think that it's depressing to see a group of brightly, cheerfully-dressed girls, and then see this tiny girl dressed in all black? It's like looking at a bed of flowers, admiring how beautiful they are, and then spotting a weed. Sure, it fits in, but it sure doesn't stand out, at least not in the way it would probably like to. And I guess that's how I feel, like that weed. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, sleep deprivation does that to me. But yeah.
I don't know, does anyone get tired of seeing me wearing dark colours all the time? I don't deny that I love what I wear, it's just... I wish I could be like other girls sometimes. You know, the kind who wear bright-coloured dresses and flower clips in their hair, and dainty-looking flats. The kind who're into accessories and pastel nail polish and looking pretty. Because as much I know, accept and love the fact that my friends and I just don't quite fit in, it's extremely tiring sometimes to keep fighting, to keep pushing against the flow.
When I go shopping with my friends, I can't help but feel slightly disappointed in myself when everyone goes for bright colours and bold prints and I'm just looking at the simple, dark-coloured clothing. I look at skirts, dresses, tops, bottoms, stuff that normal girls look at. It's just that everything I look at is dark-coloured. I sometimes feel like grabbing a dress that absolutely everyone wears and then wearing it with stuff that normal teenage girls will wear. Like buying a dress that I know I will hate for the simple reason that everyone is wearing it and then wearing it anyway, just to look like other girls. I just want to fit in sometimes.
I mean, everyone seems to have the impression that I wear dark colours and nothing else, that I wear jeans and shirts and nothing else. I want to show people that I might have different sides to me, but it's so difficult to break out of the stereotype that people have set for me... Like, people will think, it's Nat, she's just gonna wear jeans and a black shirt again. How do I break out of this? Do I even want to...?
I saw this gorgeous dress today, while out with the girls for dinner and some (window) shopping. It was this black dress with colourful streaks and patterns all over it. I absolutely loved it, lusted over it, and checking the price, decided that it would be a good splurge, especially since I rarely wear dresses. A few problems though.
1) I was flat-out broke.
2) It was a dress fit for clubbing. Where the hell was I supposed to wear it?
3) Would I be able to pull it off? Would I want to buy something that would make me stand up and resist the stereotype that I'd become?
Trust me, I wanted the dress, even though I very clearly knew that it was a want and not a need (thank you, marketing class of sem 1.1). In the end, I put the dress back on the rack, thinking that hey, we'll see if I really will buy that dress. We'll see if I want to move away from the jeans and shirts.
Maybe I'll try to take a break from the dark colours, from the blacks and reds and blues, for a while. Try wearing something completely colourful, something that simply isn't me. Maybe I'll like it and maybe I'll decide to ditch my dark-colour obsession. I know mum will be glad for that!
It's silly, girlish, shallow thinking, but for just one day, hell, even one hour, I'd like to be the girl who captures everyone's attention (in a good way) the minute she walks into the room. I'd like to wear that dress, that clubby dress, and pair it with heels and makeup, and go to a club, and be like any other girl.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Why, then, have I been feeling increasingly self-conscious about what I wear lately? I mean, I always go to school in jeans (black skinnies now that I've finally made my purchase), a shirt (usually black) and sneakers (also black). Oh, and my black oversized bag and wristband. It's what I wear. It's my own unique (well, maybe not quite...) taste. I like it.
But everyone around me loves colours. They embrace wearing bright colours that really make them stand out. Jo wears clothes that make her look more mature most of the time, in colours that flatter her (or at least from what I seem to see), Dayna loves her textures and patterns and it truly reflects in what she wears. Hui Min wears whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and pulls it off so frustratingly effortlessly. Tish has her slightly eccentric taste that always makes her look attractive (and at least one-and-a-half heads taller than me). And me? I'm forever the girl who's in black, from head to toe. And when we take pictures, hang out, look in the mirror etc etc.... I think, nice, gorgeous, ooh, wow, ............ugh.
Don't you think that it's depressing to see a group of brightly, cheerfully-dressed girls, and then see this tiny girl dressed in all black? It's like looking at a bed of flowers, admiring how beautiful they are, and then spotting a weed. Sure, it fits in, but it sure doesn't stand out, at least not in the way it would probably like to. And I guess that's how I feel, like that weed. I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, sleep deprivation does that to me. But yeah.
I don't know, does anyone get tired of seeing me wearing dark colours all the time? I don't deny that I love what I wear, it's just... I wish I could be like other girls sometimes. You know, the kind who wear bright-coloured dresses and flower clips in their hair, and dainty-looking flats. The kind who're into accessories and pastel nail polish and looking pretty. Because as much I know, accept and love the fact that my friends and I just don't quite fit in, it's extremely tiring sometimes to keep fighting, to keep pushing against the flow.
When I go shopping with my friends, I can't help but feel slightly disappointed in myself when everyone goes for bright colours and bold prints and I'm just looking at the simple, dark-coloured clothing. I look at skirts, dresses, tops, bottoms, stuff that normal girls look at. It's just that everything I look at is dark-coloured. I sometimes feel like grabbing a dress that absolutely everyone wears and then wearing it with stuff that normal teenage girls will wear. Like buying a dress that I know I will hate for the simple reason that everyone is wearing it and then wearing it anyway, just to look like other girls. I just want to fit in sometimes.
I mean, everyone seems to have the impression that I wear dark colours and nothing else, that I wear jeans and shirts and nothing else. I want to show people that I might have different sides to me, but it's so difficult to break out of the stereotype that people have set for me... Like, people will think, it's Nat, she's just gonna wear jeans and a black shirt again. How do I break out of this? Do I even want to...?
I saw this gorgeous dress today, while out with the girls for dinner and some (window) shopping. It was this black dress with colourful streaks and patterns all over it. I absolutely loved it, lusted over it, and checking the price, decided that it would be a good splurge, especially since I rarely wear dresses. A few problems though.
1) I was flat-out broke.
2) It was a dress fit for clubbing. Where the hell was I supposed to wear it?
3) Would I be able to pull it off? Would I want to buy something that would make me stand up and resist the stereotype that I'd become?
Trust me, I wanted the dress, even though I very clearly knew that it was a want and not a need (thank you, marketing class of sem 1.1). In the end, I put the dress back on the rack, thinking that hey, we'll see if I really will buy that dress. We'll see if I want to move away from the jeans and shirts.
Maybe I'll try to take a break from the dark colours, from the blacks and reds and blues, for a while. Try wearing something completely colourful, something that simply isn't me. Maybe I'll like it and maybe I'll decide to ditch my dark-colour obsession. I know mum will be glad for that!
It's silly, girlish, shallow thinking, but for just one day, hell, even one hour, I'd like to be the girl who captures everyone's attention (in a good way) the minute she walks into the room. I'd like to wear that dress, that clubby dress, and pair it with heels and makeup, and go to a club, and be like any other girl.
Maybe. Just maybe.
You are who you want to be. If you want to be the one to catch everyone's eye for a night, I say go for it. No one worth your time will think you any less for trying something different, being who you want to be.
ReplyDeleteBut never forget, the most beautiful thing a girl can wear isn't a dress, or jewellery, but a smile :) You're young, be a little different, try things for the fun of it. Never be afraid to be different.