For we must all learn to howl.

It's not even 9 in the morning and I'm cabbing to Jurong Island, which is literally on the other side of Singapore since I live in the east.  Moments like these sometimes make me wonder exactly what I'm doing with my life. I glance at my calendar and notice how full it always is now - I've got event after event to cover. If I just look at today's plans I've got two stories to write out, one for today's event and one for last Tuesday's. I need to focus, but I'm so tired. I'm not kidding, I'm really drained. I'm hoping to use the weekend to just sleep at home all day. I've got work to worry about, and also I wonder about J. We've barely talked, and even when we did there was barely any conversation at all.  I don't know where this is going. On another note I'm scared to even look at the taxi's meter - it's an hour-long journey and I don't even want to know how poor I'm going to be after this. Money gods up th...

Listening to Jennifer Lopez while on the way back to school for a drama sesh - I miss my juniors, and they were asking me to go back anyway. Trust Damien and Aishah to be the ones to drag this wolf out from her grumpy self-exile into internship land. Really have to love my drama babies <33 I never really fancied myself a JLo fan, but her songs pass through me pretty easily, unlike some songs that require you to focus on the lyrics or some that are so jarring and bad that you can only listen to them once or twice a year and that'll be more than enough. But hey, her songs are pretty catchy, and I don't really have to think about them while I'm listening to them. Plus they make a good playlist for running since they move from one song to the next so smoothly. Just this one song that happened to catch my ear for a bit. Forever - that's that title of the song. With every "forever" that she sings, I imagine a flower-shaped splotch of light in my mind (which is a ...

I think I'm going to take a hiatus from anything regarding guys or relationships or liking anyone. Cute guys - smile, talk, but do not chase. They'll chase you if they want you. Plus you get sent out for enough events that you're already chasing so many people for interviews muahaha. Relationships - I think friendships and internships are more pressing issues at the moment.  Dates - I'm dating my internship right now. It's going well, but something makes me feel that we'll only last about 3 months more till we break up. It's sad. I still like guys, and I still want to know what it's like to feel loved and happy in a relationship, but... I think I'll be shelving those feelings and thoughts for a while.  I mean, I want to focus on my internship more now. I've been extremely focused on it, and I'm proud of myself for that, so maybe if I can keep up the whole focused thing till September I'll be okay. And anything and everything regarding guy...

So it's come to this. I'm scared enough of the haze to put on a mask too. I mean, I was excited to watch the PSI readings climb higher and higher, because it meant that hey, the news team has awesome news to report :D After all, no news is BAD news in the newsroom. On a personal level though... I was getting a bit worried. Not about the haze, because it fascinated me, but about the smell. I've got a pretty sensitive nose, not in the sense of allergies, but more of an I-pick-up-smell-pretty-quickly thing. And the smell of the haze, the whole stale smoke smell... It was making me very sick, and strong mints and yoghurt can only help me so much. So on with the mask I go. I gotta say, it's quite hot in the mask. Like oh-my-god-my-face-is-melting hot, not sexy-hot. But you get used to it after a while. And I kinda like how it looks, on a surface level. All I can see are my eyes. ♪

Today's Fathers' Day. Fuck Fathers' Day. I mean it. This day meant to commemorate all the good that a father can do for his family, for his children... It can go fuck itself multiple times with a fucking cactus. I hate Fathers' Day, mainly because I hate my dad. Okay, no. Forget MAINLY. I hate Fathers' Day BECAUSE I hate my dad. Look, I wished him "Happy Fathers' Day" when he woke up. It's just to be polite, but I was trying, okay? I promised myself I wouldn't pick fights on a day that was meant to be HAPPY. So far so good, but then guess what. Not TWO SECONDS after I wished him, what did he do? He YELLED at me for mopping the floor "wrongly". Look, as far as I'm concerned, mopping the floor just means that the floor has to be covered with a thin sheet of soapy water and left to dry. And when I vacuum and mop the floor, I always make sure I do a decent job. But this ASSHOLE was telling me tha...

I have a problem. It's not too major, but it's getting a bit more serious the closer I get to my workplace. I took drowsy meds last night because I wasn't feeling too well. And then I conveniently forgot the one problem I always have whenever I take drowsy meds - I always end up fighting it until it's too late. By the time I'd realized that YES  I'd taken drowsy meds (how clever of me to forget!) and was supposed to go to sleep immediately  so they'd kick in a lot faster and leave my system in time for breakfast, it was already too late, I was off-my-fucking-head loopy. I couldn't even walk straight. And now I'm on the way to work and STILL loopy because I'd taken TWO pills instead of the usual one due to me wanting to get better faster. Smart move, Nat. And now the only thing I can think of is that it was challenge enough to put clothes on - how the fuck am I supposed to attend the event later with a clear head? I'm already struggling to sta...

I never realized exactly how out-of-the-way NTU (that's one of our local universities) was, or exactly how big the campus was. Case in point: I'm pathetically, miserably, utterly lost. I went to a media event, and got whatever I needed to get - my names, soundbites, answers, whatever else. The whole nine yards of pure shiny media material goodness that I needed, and then I skedaddled the fuck outta there because you know, duty calls. The office that I'm supposed to report back to, actually. Now. Guess who can't find a cab when she needs one? That's right, lil ol' me here. What's ironic is that the NTU people (nice folks really, they really made me feel welcome enough, though that could be the whole student-lecturer familiar warm fuzzies) gave us (us meaning media folk) cab coupons to catch a nice FREE  ride back to our mothership. And now again, who can't find a cab to hail? Sigh. Such is the irony of life - I think I finally get to catch a break, and th...

I'm hungry.

She terrifies me. Her stylishly-eccentric style, a mix of bright colours and animal prints, her combination of feminity and professionalism in her dressing style... They terrify me. They remind me what kind of dressing is expected in this office, that my second-skin combination of jean-and-tee-and-jacket just doesn’t cut it. They remind me that I’m just a student, and even have the audacity to dress like one , even when I’m in a playing field where you’re supposed to look cool and composed and professional like her. Walking up to her isn't a chore; it's like a trial. I walk and pray that my footsteps aren't too loud, because my cheap flats happen to have a slight wedge heel and walking makes it sound like I'm in heels of some sort. I gather whatever courage I own and manage to squeak out a question to ask her if there’s anything she would like me to do – I’m there to be loaded with whatever task my colleagues see fit to throw at me, after all, and I lov...

REMEMBER:   The news team doesn't hate you. Don't be paranoid and assume that very sigh, every pissed off bang on the keyboard is because of you - never forget how frustrating the news can get sometimes, too.   The news team will always be more serious than the radio team. There's a reason why you're called the NEWS team after all, and don't forget that you guys do still laugh, just over different things!   The radio team laughs over FUNNY topics, the news team laughs over funny topics you read in the NEWS. There's a difference.   Plus never forget that the PEOPLE in the news team are amazing. They are your colleagues, your bosses, your mentors, your friends.   Take tips and criticisms with humility, and don't be so hard on yourself. The news team is there to help you, not tear you down. They're just showing tough editor love, and anyway you know you'd be happier if they told you your mistakes NOW instead of waiting to tell you when it's too late...

I need to throw myself into my work. It’s the only way I know how to cope with the overwhelming emotion swirling around inside me. It’s like a whirlpool – deep and dark and threatening to pull me under should I get too close to it. I've been reading the Game of Thrones series lately - they were a very late Christmas present from my mother, and they're what I need to help me escape reality for a while. Reading's always been my escape, albeit one I'd somewhat forgotten I had. There's one line that rings in my mind, long after I read it for the first time. If I look back I am lost. No looking back, no reflecting on past mistakes and who's wrong and who's right. I need to focus on the now. I need to distract myself so my thoughts do not run too far away from me. I do not fear that my thoughts grow dark - they have always been dark and shadowed. What I fear is that they become something else entirely, something that scares even me, because I might n...

I really should be writing this bulletin about some wage and productivity report, but by the gods, it's boring. I get that I'm weak at writing bulletins about finance/housing/cars, and so I should write more to get better at them. But they're just so goddamned boring. SO. BORING. I'm still annoyed and frustrated with the situation that's going on, and each hour that passes when my phone screen doesn't light up with that familiar name makes me even more antsy and frustrated and annoyed. I probably just don't want to admit out loud that I'm antsy because I'm worried and scared that I'll lose her. Great, my wages story is done and being heavily edited by my mentor. I feel so awful when they have to edit my story so much - I'm supposed to be here to lift the workload somewhat after all. See what I mean by "I'm weak at writing finance stories"? I really am. Ooh, Young And Beautiful is playing in the office. I really do lo...

When my colleague tells me my sports bulletins are getting better: ASJKFHSBSTRNDFUKHYEBFGSFDBJKDTGHRKND On the outside: *smiles* Thank you!

One of my colleagues was awesome enough to give me some tau suan. I'd been having a really crappy day, and this definitely cheered me up. This dessert, I like it.  *throws bowl to floor* Another!

One thing I notice about the office is that when my colleagues go out for lunch, it's usually them going out as a group. It's nothing different as compared to how things are in school. One of the biggest differences I see, though, is that when they go out for lunch, the office gets really quiet. I would know this because I never go down for lunch with my colleagues. I'm not being proud about this, it's not me saying that I don't want to go our for lunch with them. It's quite the opposite really, I would love to go for lunch with them. The thing is, they never ask me if I want to go for lunch. I'm not being a diva either, I'm not the sort of person who needs to be asked out for lunch.  However, I'm a shy person. I'm loud and confident and funny when I know where I stand in a group of friends. I get slightly rude and very blunt when I know I'm talking to people I can trust, people who want me around them.  But I won't ask to ta...

Today's a hot day, and because of that I decided to wear a simple, casual dress that looks decent enough yet won't kill me in the heat. I was feeling pretty okay about it too as I stepped out of the house. Of course, whatever false confidence I had just shattered when I reached orchard road. The first thing I saw was a group of new paper new face girls, all walking around to promote themselves. It wasn't about their faces, I couldn't really be bothered with that. It was the fact that they were all so THIN. Their arms were like sticks, and their legs were so long and lean. One look at them and it was beyond obvious that they definitely had thigh gaps. Their shirts showed off their shoulder blades perfectly, too. They were so fucking gorgeous I wanted to throw up the moment I saw them. Suddenly all I saw around me were thigh gaps and slim arms and flat stomachs. And with every step I took, trying to pretend that I was confident, I felt my fats wobbling in ...