Can't Think

I need to throw myself into my work.
It’s the only way I know how to cope with the overwhelming emotion swirling around inside me.
It’s like a whirlpool – deep and dark and threatening to pull me under should I get too close to it.

 I've been reading the Game of Thrones series lately - they were a very late Christmas present from my mother, and they're what I need to help me escape reality for a while.
Reading's always been my escape, albeit one I'd somewhat forgotten I had.
There's one line that rings in my mind, long after I read it for the first time.

 If I look back I am lost.

 No looking back, no reflecting on past mistakes and who's wrong and who's right.
I need to focus on the now.
I need to distract myself so my thoughts do not run too far away from me.
I do not fear that my thoughts grow dark - they have always been dark and shadowed.
What I fear is that they become something else entirely, something that scares even me, because I might not be able to follow my thoughts any more should they head into that dreaded place.

 I need to write more bulletins, do more work.
Give me some more work to do, please.
Load this intern with so much work that she’s unable to breathe, let alone think.

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