All I'm Saying

I really should be writing this bulletin about some wage and productivity report, but by the gods, it's boring. I get that I'm weak at writing bulletins about finance/housing/cars, and so I should write more to get better at them.

 But they're just so goddamned boring.
SO. BORING.

 I'm still annoyed and frustrated with the situation that's going on, and each hour that passes when my phone screen doesn't light up with that familiar name makes me even more antsy and frustrated and annoyed.

 I probably just don't want to admit out loud that I'm antsy because I'm worried and scared that I'll lose her.

 Great, my wages story is done and being heavily edited by my mentor. I feel so awful when they have to edit my story so much - I'm supposed to be here to lift the workload somewhat after all.
See what I mean by "I'm weak at writing finance stories"? I really am.

 Ooh, Young And Beautiful is playing in the office. I really do love this song.

 Back to point.
I'm worried because some illogical part of me is whispering that it could be the usual curse, the usual jinx again. The usual 3-year jinx that I've tried so desperately to run away from.

 Then another voice whispers that well, don't be stupid because it's just some stupid fight you guys got into and everything's going to be okay.

 I'm not sure, because things have a way of spiraling out of control just when you think that you know what to do.

 Sure, you're not the over-emotional sort. I know that heartfelt ANYTHING leaves you uncomfortable, that's why I never press you about it when you tell me not to. The thing is, would a reply to just say "I need time to think about what you said" be so difficult? Like, it wouldn't fucking KILL you.

 Instead I have to wait and wonder if some rift has been created that can't ever be closed again, and worry that I might lose someone who's become important to me. Yeah, I overthink things. That's what I do, that's what happens when everyone whom I've called a best friend leaves. I get paranoid, and when there's a fight the first thing I think of is that "oh my god, it's started and she's going to leave". Yes, I'm paranoid and I jump to conclusions. I know.

 I'm not asking for any explanation. You don't have to explain yourself because that's not what I'm looking for anyway.

 Just fucking talk to me, let me know where I stand.
Jesus, I'm not asking for some mile-long confession or whatever, even a "hey you" or a "you fucking suck and I don't know why I'm even bothering to text you about this" would be good. It would show that I still feature somewhere in your life.

 I'm not asking for a confession of love because EW MUCH?
I'm not asking for you to tearfully call me and have some heartfelt reconciliation or whatever because that's cheesy. And still gross. 

 All I'm saying is don't leave me hanging like this.
All I'm saying is I miss my sister and the dinners and the bitching and the coffee sessions.

 Fine, I was too pushy with trying to talk to you. I admit it. I'll back off now then.
And just FYI (though you're not even going to see this because I think you stopped reading my blog a LONG while ago), that "I obviously don't mean as much to you as you mean to me" shit?

 That was done on purpose.
I wanted to see if I could goad you into FINALLY replying, into finally ACKNOWLEDGING the texts I sent you.
And it looks like it worked.

 Well, back to bulletins.

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