All Dressed Up, With Only A Book For A Date

Sitting in a cafe with a book and coffee on the table. I was supposed to meet Tish, but she's busy with work and well frankly speaking tomorrow's gone down the drain too. 

I won't say much, but we fought over the fact that I wasn't happy about tomorrow. I'll admit I was angry about the fact that I had no say in the matter, but I tried to tell her that I wasn't as unyielding as I made myself out to be. 

I don't like extremities, and even though I wouldn't have been happy with the situation, I would have suggested a negotiation - the meeting wouldn't have to be TOMORROW, it could easily be held the next weekend or something like that. All I needed was time to adjust to the idea of having to meet her.

I didn't hate her as much as the both of them thought I did, and I was actually interested to see if we could possibly have been friends if we had first met in better, friendlier conditions. The only thing I was truly angry about was how I'd been TOLD about the meeting and not ASKED if I would be alright with meeting her, and my feeling uncomfortable about meeting her because it felt like I was going to be seeing her much too quickly for my taste. Again I emphasize, I just needed time to tell myself that I was going to be seeing her and that it was alright to feel awkward because we didn't know each other that well, and that there wasn't any need to be hostile because that's my normal reaction to her, but I was going to be meeting her as a friend.

Tish refused to listen, partly due to anger and possibly also because we were both equally stubborn and unwilling to listen to each other at the worst of times. Whatever the matter, she's angry and still busy with work, and I'm upset and alone. 

Which would be why I'm currently sitting alone in a cafe with nothing but a book and a cup of coffee for company. 

Going out alone gives me all the time I need to myself, to walk around and think about things and just keep quiet. All that I need to say, I say in my mind. A whole day can pass like this, and I'll have said no more than a few sentences out loud.

I like having quiet me-time, but it does get lonely. It feels tranquil but isolated, do you know what I mean? I feel like I distance myself from the world when I do this.

Which is why I like to head either to a park or Clarke Quay when I'm having a quiet day. The park allows me to reflect and think, while Clarke Quay is quiet enough that I do not feel too out of place, and lively enough that I can people-watch and feel a little less lonely. 

Perhaps I'll ask a friend out for dinner later. Who knows? Or perhaps I'll end up skipping dinner because I'll still be on my own, and I loathe eating alone in public because of how vulnerable it makes me feel.

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