Dear Blog... [LONG POST]

I don't have a habit of doing the "dear blog, today my day was so-and-so-and-so" because I personally think it's annoying as fuck.

Unfortunately I'll have to do something like that. I promise it'll be as painless as I can possibly make it, just... I need to get this off my chest for a bit so I can breathe a little easier.

Shitty day today. Not kidding when I say it was a shitty day.It felt like the mother of all slow news days (I was killing the refresh button, seriously) and when I did find news stories they were either from sources I couldn't use, or I was too slow and my colleague found them before I could ask him if we could use the story for the bulletins. Way to feel useful, right? It feels like I just can't keep up, ugh. 

But I'd hate myself if they had to treat me "special", if they had to purposely wait for me to find stories. I'd hate that, because what's worse than feeling useless is people treating you like you're useless. 

And well, even before the whole slow-news-day shit, there was a major, well... Thing. I won't elaborate, but just please don't make me choose between the two of you. I respect both of you, and frankly speaking I don't know whose instructions I should be following.

Whatever quarrel you may have, whatever snide grenades you throw back and forth, I'm cool with it. I know there isn't such a thing as no politics whatsoever, and I came in prepared. But please don't shove this quarrel straight into my face when the other isn't around and leave me to silently freak out and wonder what exactly I should do, which step I should take so that I don't end up falling through the ice.

Like I said, I came in prepared to see politics, and I knew that it wouldn't be possible to be apart of it - the moment you're in, you're playing the game whether you like it or not.

Just please don't place me in the middle and use me as your tug-of-war rope. It's confusing and frustrating and quite frankly it still leaves me not knowing whose instructions exactly I should be following.

Just because mmpf Kakashi.

And poor Yamato just can't resist Icha Icha hehe!

Moving on.

Something else happened that I don't want to elaborate too much about, because well it's too complicated to really explain too much.

Keeping things short, Tish and her girlfriend got back together. Again.

My thoughts exactly.

Don't get me wrong. I've always supported Tish, and as long as she's happy, I'm happy. But this girl... Ugh.

Anyway someone (who isn't Tish) decided that it would an AWESOMEFUCKINGSAUCE idea to hang out and BOND.

That sounds fun, doesn't it? Then again, so does shooting myself in the head.

Seriously though, what possessed this bitch to think that it would be a good idea to BOND with her girlfriend's sister? I can already see so many things that are gonna happen this Sunday:

- Tish is obviously coming along (she's the one who told her that I was FREE on a Sunday) so she's going to have to be the loving dutiful girlfriend and well it's going to be awesome being the single bitter friend. Yay.

- That girl's bringing her FRIENDS along, so I have more people to glare at we have more people to BOND with. Yay, love bonding.

Two very glaring main points here. And that's two points that definitely don't work out in my favour. I don't usually mind hanging out with complete strangers (no sarcasm meant here, I genuinely mean it), but this girl and her friends have given me more than enough to hate about. And call me stubborn but I know for a fact that I won't be friends with her.

Because I know I'll be judging her, and she'll be judging me no matter how friendly we pretend to be. The fact that she's bringing her friends means that I'll have more people judging me, staring at me.

What makes me angry about this is the fact that I seem to have been offered up as a PEACE OFFERING to patch things up between this couple. I fucking hate it. Someone being my sister should know that first of all, I do not like this girl. And I remember all too clearly the words that we exchanged when we met each other for the first (and how dearly I hoped it'd be the last) time in school. And I definitely remember the blog post after that.

And someone being my sister should know that I have a major self-confidence issue, and this isn't going to help. Someone being my sister should remember all this, and definitely not try to bring us together to BOND. It's like trying to mix oil and water, to use a very clichéd term.

I'm not usually comfortable in social settings, and this isn't going to be fun at all. Trust me, it's going to be painful.

And what I'm angry about is that Tish VOLUNTEERED me for this. Sure she says she had no choice, but she could always have written me off as the bitchy friend who just won't go, and throw in a "fuck you" for good measure. What makes me angry is that all of a sudden, I have to waste a perfectly good Sunday not with my sister, but with a group of people I'd gladly push off a bridge.

Don't you EVER assume I'll just go along quietly if you just volunteer me for something like this. I may be tolerant and patient but I definitely have my limits. And don't say that you'd do the same thing for me because I know you wouldn't - I'm already considering just not going, and I won't fool myself into thinking that you're more tolerant than I am when it comes to matters like these.

Besides, I'd NEVER throw you into a situation like this. If I happened to date someone you loathed, I wouldn't try to throw you two together to BOND. And if he insisted and I didn't have much of a choice, I'd make sure to ASK you first before telling him if you were okay with it or not. There's always a choice between saying yes or no in this situation.

Yes, I'm still angry.

Fuming mad, even.