Run

Because at the end of the day, everyone returns to their friends and family, and everyone has somewhere they belong in this place.

 And me? I return to my room, my solace and solitude, my haven and prison, the one place where I feel both accepted and lonely.

Those who surround me here know only to listen and offer mute comfort that I have long outgrown. It is company I crave, though I know not whose... And it is not long before the walls that have supported me - heard my rants and tears and laughter - start to feel suffocating.

 Simply put, I feel trapped. Trapped by my thoughts, by the overwhelming loneliness that continues to smother me, reminding me of that which I try so desperately to forget. And though I play my music as loud as I possibly can, though I make sure to laugh as much as I can during these precious few hours when I can do anything I want and forget the shadows lurking just behind me, they never go away.

 I try to push them away, to tell them as boldly as I can to fuck off. They laugh.

 They are why I've made a promise to myself - I'll do what I can to get out, to get as far as I possibly can. Even if it means I need to go to the ends of the earth, I'll do it. I cannot run from them in my mind, for they seem to navigate its labyrinth as well as I do - but perhaps it is time to attempt a physical reaction towards them.

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