For we must all learn to howl.

『 LOVELESS 』ですか。。。 I wonder. Can you see it? The days passing by like faded greys Somewhere between the headaches and the spinning the letters the writing meaningless flirting I think I started missing you again しっていますか？ How it felt when I talked to you I don’t want to hear their voices the way I did yours I don’t want to know their stories the way I did yours The hot summer days we used to talk about have melted into hazy sighs 『 愛 』はなんですか？ You said you would show me if I trusted you If I fell Did you catch me? The doves have all flown away, my love. It’s time to join them. しっていますか？ I hate them. The others – they don’t call to me like you did With their panting smiles and hungry eyes they want only to possess, control. They think themselves wolves but you and I, we were our own pack This wolf hunts alone now. わかっています。 I gave everything to you so much that now the leaves are like falling snow it is winter now, i...

I can't think anymore. 8Tracks Today: I Will Survive

Even Google's getting tired of my shit. 8Tracks Today: Americano and Two Shots of Love Ahhh Childhood No Such Thing as Too Much Coffee

Hello. My name is Natalie. I'm 20 this year and a university student. Too boring. Something about me... Well, I suppose you could say I'm kind of weird. What do I mean by weird? Well... I guess that's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. I'm so sure people will be interested to read about that. I like coffee and theatre and music. And cats. Again, I'm so bloody sure that people want to read this. I can't think anymore. ( Because honestly now what do people even write in their biographies I can't think of anything besides hi I'm weird as fuck will you be friends with me and tell me your story  but I highly doubt that's going to be graded well, and I'm also slightly annoyed because it's not possible to listen to music with headphones when you're wearing dangly earrings and earphones don't muffle the clickity-clack of your nails on the laptop's keyboard as well) NOT UNLESS YOU REMOVE YOUR EARRINGS A...

So for Digicomms we have to create a website of sorts, something like a personal-professional blog. Don't ask me how that works, I'm still trying to figure that out myself because I've asked the tutor what exactly he's looking for and he can't give me a straight answer. How do you combine both personal and professional? The topic I'm choosing to focus on for my blog is one that's sensitive to say the least, and might be considered taboo for some. It's stupid of me to choose something that I can already tell has a pretty high potential of becoming a major pain in the ass, but the thing about me is that I can never do something without feeling some sort of connection to it. I've tried many times, trust me - if I don't feel a connection to the topic I really can't do it. I'm not proud of it because I know it's highly unprofessional, but there you go. But before I can get to posting about said sensitive topic on my WP (yes, it's...

Taking the bus home today. I don't usually do so, preferring to take the train since it's a faster mode of transport (although a lot more crowded). The bus just kind of winds around and takes its time to reach your destination. Personally speaking, I love taking the bus, and it's a luxury I allow myself every once in a while. Its not just about the fact that it takes so long to bring me home, though - it's the fact that it's an adventure. In a train, you know exactly where you need to go, and you get there in the shortest time possible. In a bus, though... So many possibilities are open to you. The single or double-decked monstrosity just trundles along the roads, and it forces you to look at everything along the way before you finally arrive at your destination. It's like it's saying hey, look at all this. Doesn't it make you want to forget about where you were going? Don't you feel like you want to stay here, where it feels like a bubble of bliss...

make sculpture from bodies extract heart cut out heart from body creative ways to kill someone psychopathic mindset how to cut open the ribcage saw ribcage I sure hope I manage to finish writing this story before I get arrested =.="

University classes have finally started! I was supposed to take 4 modules this trimester (Communication Theory, Professional Writing, Digital Communication and an elective choice of either some IT thing or Microeconomics, though neither sound very appealing), but because I'd taken similar subjects in TP I was exempted from the Professional Writing module. Not bad, huh? I chose to take Econs too, though I wasn't very happy about it - I'm so bad at anything related to Math (I know they say Econs isn't related to Math, but regardless) that the moment you toss me an equation chances are high that you've lost me. Anyway, I'd made my peace with the module (not that I'd had much choice) and faithfully attended lectures, making sure to take notes so I at least had some way of organising the mess that I tend to make during lectures. Before... and After. Have I ever mentioned how messy the add-drop module process tends to be in our school? Because I was ...

7:45am He leaves the house with his bag carelessly flung over one shoulder, fingers busily working through the knots that have formed in his earphones (because he’d just untangled them, for fuck’s sake). As always, he manages to sort through the chaos by the time he reaches the ground floor, and makes his way to the bus stop. He’s strolling and halfway towards the bus stop when the bus itself thunders past him, and it takes a second to register before he finds himself chasing after the damned thing with a curse sharing the space in his throat with his heart, jamming his earphones into his ears as he runs. 8:02am He boards the train at the same time every day, and glances at the map out of habit. As always, he counts eighteen stops to his destination and sighs. 8:10am He looks up. She always boards the train at the third stop, and today is no different. She’s interesting to watch, he decides, because she looks like she’s tried too many times to piece herself together...

It's happening again. Music - louder! -  The voices can still be heard. Eyes - dropped to the ground -  the shadows are still there -  Stop. This needs to stop. didn't they disappear for good back then? What happened - how - when - wait. She knows. Like before, everything rushes back. It's a tsunami of thoughts, words, sensations and the overwhelming need to do something drastic. Something stupid. Bottle, cap and store -  for as long as possible, as many bottles as the shelf can hold. A crack - oh shitfucknoFUCKFUCKFUCK Run. Retreat. Hide. Stay in the glass sanctuary you've managed to build. Sleep within the maze you know, walls high - strong - enough to lash out at but not break. Leave everything outside the way it was, nothing matters now. This was not how it was supposed to go. This so-called roller coaster -  this ride -  it was not supposed to last so long. Jump. Maybe you'll fly. Swallow the red pill. Maybe you'll wake ...

You know what the toughest thing about relapse is? It's that you're never prepared for it. That's what makes it so terrifying - you're doing fine for a few months now, and even managed to control yourself when your hands got itchy and tingly a few days back (good for you!) - and then it hits you out of nowhere leaving you scrabbling to pick up whatever pieces of you you possibly can. It punches you in the gut, swift and hard and true, and leaves you trying to hold yourself together, unable to think or speak let alone breathe , and trying your hardest not to think about that emergency stash you've got somewhere in your room. It's not the same feeling as an itch, which can be easily brought to heel using those coping techniques you always read about - no, this thing is bigger, stronger and much deadlier. This thing is you crying as you try to force yourself to sleep, telling yourself that as long as you can get through tonight then the hardest part of trying to ...

Hey everyone! /blows dust off blog page/ So yeah I know I haven't updated this blog in like 2 YEARS, but please rest assured I'm getting around to hacking at a post... Eventually. Long story short, I've started life as a university student (I'm still slightly in shock at this, some days it feels like I'm just staring into an abyss that's supposed to represent my future... I'm terrified) but I don't really have much to say for now because nothing much has happened - I'm only a week in so it's still too early to say anything, and I'm also pretty apprehensive about saying anything  at all, to be honest (remember what happened in 2011? I sure haven't forgotten). But yes, I promise I will eventually talk about how life is - because I'm sure this blog still has visitors who're genuinely interested in reading about ore-sama's boring-ass life. Seriously, I struggle to come up with something that isn't mind-numbingly van...