13-140715
Had a really bad scare yesterday while working in the library after class - it was like a sharp stabbing pain in the centre of my chest, and for close to two or three minutes I couldn't breathe properly or move at all.
Needless to say, I was terrified. I didn't know what was going on, and for all I knew I was actually going to die. I didn't know what to do - Google said it could be anything ranging from chest wall pains to a heart attack to a lack of heart muscle tissue due to anorexia, and nothing was really helping.
The pain sort of subsided after a few minutes, but it still hurt to move, and it felt like I was going to tear something in my chest if I tried to stand up or something.
It was the first time I'd ever found myself genuinely afraid - not of dying, but of having to leave everything behind. I don't know, maybe you'll think it's crazy talk or something, but it was so real to me, and with that sudden stabbing pain every worry I had just before my 21st came rushing back as though I'd opened my arms to embrace them.
I went to see the doctor after dinner (and my mum was so pissed off at my not calling her immediately after the pain but the thing was that I was more worried of it being nothing and wasting everyone's time) and he diagnosed it as chest wall pains, which could have been caused by strained chest muscles (but the funny thing is that I don't recall doing anything that could have caused such a thing). Anyway, he said it was "normal", or at least as normal as feeling as if you're stabbed out of nowhere can feel. I don't know much about "normal", but I just hope that pain doesn't happen again.
He also prescribed painkillers, which unfortunately were of the drowsy sort. If you know me, you'll also know that drowsy meds and I really don't get along well. Suffice to say that the next few days on these meds are going to be a really fun time.
So that's how my day has been today - been at home drowsy and loopy and with a massive headache, and still chasing interviewees down because I can't for the life of me find a surgeon who's willing to talk to me about sex reassignment surgery. I'm thinking of heading out to a clinic tomorrow to try at least talking to the doctor in person - that is, if I don't fall asleep in the train and end up in Jurong East.
Other than all that I guess everything's going alright - there's schoolwork to be done but that's no huge issue because I'll just work slowly and get things done as usual.
Also met up with Tsuki-kun on Sunday for a movie and dinner - things are alright, we can be friendly and everything. It was a little awkward at first, but that was to be expected. It's just nice to know that after everything that's happened we can still be comfortable around each other, and it's good to think that hey, maybe we really can be good friends.
He also introduced me to this game: Neko Atsume.
It's amazing. I have no other words for it, really - it's just that good. The game is simple - it's an app that you download, and you leave out food and toys to attract stray cats into your backyard. Sardines are used as in-game currency, and you use these to buy more food or toys, or even expand your house to leave out more stuff (and attract more cats).
So yeah, I'm hooked. It's such a cute game, and I can't put in words exactly how happy it makes me to see so many cats (virtual, but what the hey) in one place and happy and content.AND I WILL LOVE THEM ALL.
So that's about it - chest still tight, breathing still a little weird but whatever because the doc reckons it's normal, right..? And stressed over assignments but there's nothing I can do for now besides visit the clinic tomorrow and check things out.
At least I have my cats to keep me company.
BUT SERIOUSLY MANZOKU-SAN STOP EATING ALL MY FOOD.
Needless to say, I was terrified. I didn't know what was going on, and for all I knew I was actually going to die. I didn't know what to do - Google said it could be anything ranging from chest wall pains to a heart attack to a lack of heart muscle tissue due to anorexia, and nothing was really helping.
The pain sort of subsided after a few minutes, but it still hurt to move, and it felt like I was going to tear something in my chest if I tried to stand up or something.
It was the first time I'd ever found myself genuinely afraid - not of dying, but of having to leave everything behind. I don't know, maybe you'll think it's crazy talk or something, but it was so real to me, and with that sudden stabbing pain every worry I had just before my 21st came rushing back as though I'd opened my arms to embrace them.
I went to see the doctor after dinner (and my mum was so pissed off at my not calling her immediately after the pain but the thing was that I was more worried of it being nothing and wasting everyone's time) and he diagnosed it as chest wall pains, which could have been caused by strained chest muscles (but the funny thing is that I don't recall doing anything that could have caused such a thing). Anyway, he said it was "normal", or at least as normal as feeling as if you're stabbed out of nowhere can feel. I don't know much about "normal", but I just hope that pain doesn't happen again.
He also prescribed painkillers, which unfortunately were of the drowsy sort. If you know me, you'll also know that drowsy meds and I really don't get along well. Suffice to say that the next few days on these meds are going to be a really fun time.
So that's how my day has been today - been at home drowsy and loopy and with a massive headache, and still chasing interviewees down because I can't for the life of me find a surgeon who's willing to talk to me about sex reassignment surgery. I'm thinking of heading out to a clinic tomorrow to try at least talking to the doctor in person - that is, if I don't fall asleep in the train and end up in Jurong East.
Other than all that I guess everything's going alright - there's schoolwork to be done but that's no huge issue because I'll just work slowly and get things done as usual.
Also met up with Tsuki-kun on Sunday for a movie and dinner - things are alright, we can be friendly and everything. It was a little awkward at first, but that was to be expected. It's just nice to know that after everything that's happened we can still be comfortable around each other, and it's good to think that hey, maybe we really can be good friends.
He also introduced me to this game: Neko Atsume.
It's amazing. I have no other words for it, really - it's just that good. The game is simple - it's an app that you download, and you leave out food and toys to attract stray cats into your backyard. Sardines are used as in-game currency, and you use these to buy more food or toys, or even expand your house to leave out more stuff (and attract more cats).
Quick screenshot of what the backyard looks like.
MANZOKU-SAN WILL YOU PLEASE STOP EATING ALL THE FOOD.
So yeah, I'm hooked. It's such a cute game, and I can't put in words exactly how happy it makes me to see so many cats (virtual, but what the hey) in one place and happy and content.
So that's about it - chest still tight, breathing still a little weird but whatever because the doc reckons it's normal, right..? And stressed over assignments but there's nothing I can do for now besides visit the clinic tomorrow and check things out.
At least I have my cats to keep me company.
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