I Am Thankful. Really.
For the past few days, I have been hunting down Cheryl and Germaine's blogs. For those of you who are confused, don't be. I have two cliques/groups of close friends/sistahs. The first one consists of Cheryl, Germaine, Alicia, Serene (who was the newest addition to our group) and I. The other one consists of Xinyi, Lydia, Huimin, Adelin, Shan Xuan and Hui Yen (when they feel like it) and I. There was another 'member', but sadly, we've drifted.
Anyways, I was reading Cheryl and Germaine's blogs. Why? Well, let's just say that they started theirs way earlier than mine, so now I'm making the effort to track them down (with permission, duh).
So... Reading through them, I find myself mentioned in their posts, especially the older ones when we hung out so often because we were all in the same class. That's the reason why I now have two groups of sistahs - Because we all got seperated and made new friends, but stubbornly refused to let go of the old ones. XD We still hang out whenever we can, but it's a lot tougher now, what with all of us in different schools (except for Germaine and Serene who are in MJC together) and me in two groups.
No hard feelings from any sides (I love you all so darn much!), but it's heart-achingly tough to have to divide yourself between two groups of your closest friends. I wouldn't give it up for anything, though, and am thankful that neither side has chosen to alienate me. I pray this won't happen, because I'm certain that it would just destroy me, completely.
But looking back, I realise that I've kept very few 'souvenirs' from my lower-sec days. The only evidence of my existence can be found in yearbook pictures (ew), some candid photos and my diary entries. Nothing else. Can you believe that I wnated nothing to do with posing for pictures back then? I'd flat-out refuse to have any photos taken of me because I was so self-conscious! Not to mention that I really loathed my image back then. It was so bad, Germaine had to take candid shots of me whenever I wasn't aware of it, ending up with tons of 'unglam' shots of yours truly.
I hadn't realised that she'd posted them onto her blog... I really must thank her though. If not for her, I'd probably have forgotten how I looked back then. Self-loathing and an abhorrence for photos reallt do have their disadvantages.
But besides reminding myself of what a cute (yes I can now say that I was cute) nerd I was, those posts also brought back such a surge of memories:
The four of us (Winifred when she was with us, Alicia, Germaine and I) buying a 5-litre carton of orange juice for Cheryl on her 14th birthday, because she loved it so much.
Our literature projects and how we had to put up a skit in front of our class (we were split into different groups then).
Our meeting up at Winifred's house to discuss our music project, and Germaine snapping photos of me goofing around with a stuffed toy.
How we'd always take the bench at the very end of the field when our school was undergoing PRIME and our canteen sucked like hell, because few people could actually be bothered to walk that far just to get a seat.
How we'd smuggle food from the canteen back to the classrooms for our friends.
How suicidally (that's not a word, by the way) emo I was, and how it scared my friends who really were very worried about me. Oh dear.
How boy-crazy I was, and still am.
How we'd make fun of Mr Lee, our form teacher, and I'd imitate him while Cheryl recorded the whole thing.
How emotional we got over our test results, and still do.
I've really changed over the past few years, haven't I? I didn't use to be so crazy, for one. Plus, I don't actually mind having my picture taken anymore. Of course, that's another story if I look completely retarded. But I can look at myself and accept that what I see isn't gorgeous in any way, but isn't completely fugly either. I'm slightly pretty sometimes, and just-not-fugly the rest of the time. Also, I've filled out pretty okay. It's not like "ooh, I'm curvacious!" or anything, just... I look less childish. Thank goodness. I'll not say that I'm less emo, because I'm not. I just keep my demon a little more under control now, I guess.
My point to make? Be thankful. I should be grateful that my friends were so intent on taking my picture and also including me in their blog posts. If you're reading this, Germaine, Cheryl, Xinyi and anyone else who may have included me in your blog, your diary, wherever... Thank you. I'm truly touched to have been considered important enough to write about.
Anyways, I was reading Cheryl and Germaine's blogs. Why? Well, let's just say that they started theirs way earlier than mine, so now I'm making the effort to track them down (with permission, duh).
So... Reading through them, I find myself mentioned in their posts, especially the older ones when we hung out so often because we were all in the same class. That's the reason why I now have two groups of sistahs - Because we all got seperated and made new friends, but stubbornly refused to let go of the old ones. XD We still hang out whenever we can, but it's a lot tougher now, what with all of us in different schools (except for Germaine and Serene who are in MJC together) and me in two groups.
No hard feelings from any sides (I love you all so darn much!), but it's heart-achingly tough to have to divide yourself between two groups of your closest friends. I wouldn't give it up for anything, though, and am thankful that neither side has chosen to alienate me. I pray this won't happen, because I'm certain that it would just destroy me, completely.
But looking back, I realise that I've kept very few 'souvenirs' from my lower-sec days. The only evidence of my existence can be found in yearbook pictures (ew), some candid photos and my diary entries. Nothing else. Can you believe that I wnated nothing to do with posing for pictures back then? I'd flat-out refuse to have any photos taken of me because I was so self-conscious! Not to mention that I really loathed my image back then. It was so bad, Germaine had to take candid shots of me whenever I wasn't aware of it, ending up with tons of 'unglam' shots of yours truly.
I hadn't realised that she'd posted them onto her blog... I really must thank her though. If not for her, I'd probably have forgotten how I looked back then. Self-loathing and an abhorrence for photos reallt do have their disadvantages.
But besides reminding myself of what a cute (yes I can now say that I was cute) nerd I was, those posts also brought back such a surge of memories:
The four of us (Winifred when she was with us, Alicia, Germaine and I) buying a 5-litre carton of orange juice for Cheryl on her 14th birthday, because she loved it so much.
Our literature projects and how we had to put up a skit in front of our class (we were split into different groups then).
Our meeting up at Winifred's house to discuss our music project, and Germaine snapping photos of me goofing around with a stuffed toy.
How we'd always take the bench at the very end of the field when our school was undergoing PRIME and our canteen sucked like hell, because few people could actually be bothered to walk that far just to get a seat.
How we'd smuggle food from the canteen back to the classrooms for our friends.
How suicidally (that's not a word, by the way) emo I was, and how it scared my friends who really were very worried about me. Oh dear.
How boy-crazy I was, and still am.
How we'd make fun of Mr Lee, our form teacher, and I'd imitate him while Cheryl recorded the whole thing.
How emotional we got over our test results, and still do.
I've really changed over the past few years, haven't I? I didn't use to be so crazy, for one. Plus, I don't actually mind having my picture taken anymore. Of course, that's another story if I look completely retarded. But I can look at myself and accept that what I see isn't gorgeous in any way, but isn't completely fugly either. I'm slightly pretty sometimes, and just-not-fugly the rest of the time. Also, I've filled out pretty okay. It's not like "ooh, I'm curvacious!" or anything, just... I look less childish. Thank goodness. I'll not say that I'm less emo, because I'm not. I just keep my demon a little more under control now, I guess.
My point to make? Be thankful. I should be grateful that my friends were so intent on taking my picture and also including me in their blog posts. If you're reading this, Germaine, Cheryl, Xinyi and anyone else who may have included me in your blog, your diary, wherever... Thank you. I'm truly touched to have been considered important enough to write about.
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