It Felt Like Goodbye
Something really weird happened yesterday, during the drama session that we had. Okay, one thing I have to explain first is that there are two drama clubs in TP. The first one is Dramatec (which is us), which specialises in English theatre. The other one is Titisan, which tends to focus on Malay theatre. A recent join-up means that together, we make up Theatro.
So, Dramatec meets up on Mondays (now Thursdays) for its own drama sessions, when we focus on our own actor's training and production. On Saturdays, Titisan has its own training too, and Wednesdays are the days when Theatro comes together for a combined session. So yesterday, being a Wednesday, was obviously a Theatro day.
ANYWAY. Done with recap, let's move on. The highlight of yesterday's session was, in my very humble opinion, when 'Hans' tried apologising to the Dramatec members about what he did on Monday. And all the Titisan members looked totally clueless as to what on earth was going on.
To read about what exactly 'Hans' did last Monday, there's a (somewhat) detailed explanation about two posts down. And what really got me was that he had actually gone and typed his words out so he was, in all essence, reading from a script when he 'apologised' to us. I'm not even gonna say that was an apology, because in all truth, it was really pathetic. Or maybe that's just my anger talking, but whatever. I'm highly emotional. You all should know that by now.
So, when reading off his script, 'Hans' actually said that he hadn't meant to offend us. HOWEVER! He said after that that he wasn't really sorry (because to him he had just been stating the truth, and he saw no reason to apologise for that) and he wasn't looking for (or expecting) forgiveness from us. Plus, while reading off his script, he kept smiling his stupid little phony smile and would say things like, "I'm not asking, or expecting, you to forgive me, but hey, that's how I am anyway!" And none of it felt sincere.
I swear to God and all things marshmallow that our seniors pretty much had identical WTF expressions when he said what he said, and I was still seeking to throw a brick at his face. I mean, what kind of apology was that?!?!?! I know it wasn't really counted as an apology per se, but if you're going to make the effort to stand up and spout drivel in front of everyone, you should at least make the half-hearted effort to try making it sound a little more sincere, shouldn't you? Getting everyone's attention on you and then talking crap is just gonna make everyone more PO'd at you, baka. Most of the juniors (girls especially) weren't even looking at him, which shows goes to show how 'popular' he's become after Monday's fiasco. And a senior tweeted later that it was "a good monologue, but no sincerity."
I asked some friends what they thought about 'Hans' afterward, and most of them were still too angry to get beyond "He's a fucking idiot" and "I don't give a damn". Frankly, I agreed with them. It's one thing to honestly feel bored when people around you are crying while sharing their personal stories (that already shows a general lack of tact and sensitivity), but it's another thing altogether to actually voice it out and expect not to get pummeled. However, what one friend said made me stop and think for a bit, even in my red-tinted haze.
"It sounded like he was saying goodbye."
Now that I think about it with a slightly clearer mind, I realise that she's right. His words did feel like goodbye, like he was leaving the club for good. But I don't know how to react to that. What am I supposed to feel? To say? I will never be happy if a member leaves the club, because to me it's almost the same as betrayal to us all. And yet, a more spiteful part of me just sneers and says, "Well, good riddance. No one liked him anyway."
It's true that he didn't have any friends in Theatro, but I still feel bad that I don't feel a thing about his maybe-goodbye. Then again, maybe he's not really saying goodbye, and we're just imagining things. However, I wouldn't take running away as an option if I were him. That's just cowardly and stupid, and makes everything a hundred times worse. I would have apologised and tried to make things less awkward...
But then again, I'm not him. And probably never will be.
So, Dramatec meets up on Mondays (now Thursdays) for its own drama sessions, when we focus on our own actor's training and production. On Saturdays, Titisan has its own training too, and Wednesdays are the days when Theatro comes together for a combined session. So yesterday, being a Wednesday, was obviously a Theatro day.
ANYWAY. Done with recap, let's move on. The highlight of yesterday's session was, in my very humble opinion, when 'Hans' tried apologising to the Dramatec members about what he did on Monday. And all the Titisan members looked totally clueless as to what on earth was going on.
To read about what exactly 'Hans' did last Monday, there's a (somewhat) detailed explanation about two posts down. And what really got me was that he had actually gone and typed his words out so he was, in all essence, reading from a script when he 'apologised' to us. I'm not even gonna say that was an apology, because in all truth, it was really pathetic. Or maybe that's just my anger talking, but whatever. I'm highly emotional. You all should know that by now.
So, when reading off his script, 'Hans' actually said that he hadn't meant to offend us. HOWEVER! He said after that that he wasn't really sorry (because to him he had just been stating the truth, and he saw no reason to apologise for that) and he wasn't looking for (or expecting) forgiveness from us. Plus, while reading off his script, he kept smiling his stupid little phony smile and would say things like, "I'm not asking, or expecting, you to forgive me, but hey, that's how I am anyway!" And none of it felt sincere.
I swear to God and all things marshmallow that our seniors pretty much had identical WTF expressions when he said what he said, and I was still seeking to throw a brick at his face. I mean, what kind of apology was that?!?!?! I know it wasn't really counted as an apology per se, but if you're going to make the effort to stand up and spout drivel in front of everyone, you should at least make the half-hearted effort to try making it sound a little more sincere, shouldn't you? Getting everyone's attention on you and then talking crap is just gonna make everyone more PO'd at you, baka. Most of the juniors (girls especially) weren't even looking at him, which shows goes to show how 'popular' he's become after Monday's fiasco. And a senior tweeted later that it was "a good monologue, but no sincerity."
I asked some friends what they thought about 'Hans' afterward, and most of them were still too angry to get beyond "He's a fucking idiot" and "I don't give a damn". Frankly, I agreed with them. It's one thing to honestly feel bored when people around you are crying while sharing their personal stories (that already shows a general lack of tact and sensitivity), but it's another thing altogether to actually voice it out and expect not to get pummeled. However, what one friend said made me stop and think for a bit, even in my red-tinted haze.
"It sounded like he was saying goodbye."
Now that I think about it with a slightly clearer mind, I realise that she's right. His words did feel like goodbye, like he was leaving the club for good. But I don't know how to react to that. What am I supposed to feel? To say? I will never be happy if a member leaves the club, because to me it's almost the same as betrayal to us all. And yet, a more spiteful part of me just sneers and says, "Well, good riddance. No one liked him anyway."
It's true that he didn't have any friends in Theatro, but I still feel bad that I don't feel a thing about his maybe-goodbye. Then again, maybe he's not really saying goodbye, and we're just imagining things. However, I wouldn't take running away as an option if I were him. That's just cowardly and stupid, and makes everything a hundred times worse. I would have apologised and tried to make things less awkward...
But then again, I'm not him. And probably never will be.
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