For we must all learn to howl.

1) Attempt to download software for work. Spend an hour searching for the correct version to use. 2) Start download. Pause download and engage in massive laptop cleanup because apparently there isn't enough disk space. 3) Resume download. Wait an hour and a half. 4) Attempt to extract software. Wait another 45 minutes.  5) Begin software installation. Close Google Chrome because the finished installation requires it.  6) Repeatedly click "continue" to finish installation only to be told to close Google Chrome because the stupid software can't detect that it's already closed. 7) Cancel installation. Scream in frustration.  8) Restart installation. Wait another 2 hours.  9) Cry. Update: 10) Open installed software eager to begin work at last. 11) Realise that software doesn't support shared file, which uses a more updated version. 12) Cry some more.

There are literally about one and a half days left till the first of January, 2014. I dunno what I'm hoping to see in the next year. One half of me's hoping for good change, new beginnings and all that, maybe something nice to finally happen. Another half's whispering that well, it's just going to be another dreary grey year, with disappointments galore because that's all I'm ever good for. Whatever happens, I think it'll be good to move on from this year. 2013's been pretty okay I guess -  I've met new people, made new friends. Had new experiences (my internship was certainly an eye-opening experience) and done more than I'd ever hoped to do. (Then again, that could also be because I'm very easily disappointed in myself) I've seen things about people I considered friends that really made me wonder about things. I've gotten into sticky situations, and come out of them somewhat-but-not-quite worse for t...

It's a sudden thought, but it just hit me how frightened I am that I have become the person 10-year-old me never expected to be. What if I've become the kind of person my 10-year-old self would hate? I'm a truly despicable person, aren't I...

What I should be doing: PBL APEL Work Assignments Studying What I could be doing: Sleeping What I am  doing: Tumblr Pixiv

(So I got increasingly frustrated while using Photoshop today and ended up saying quite a few choice words which I immediately regretted. In fact, I regretted my actions enough to write an apology letter to Photoshop.) Dear Photoshop, I'm sorry I yelled at you today - it's just that I was so frustrated with how you weren't cooperating with me at all today. I thought we'd reached an understanding that even though I'm terrible at talking to you, you'd be patient with me and teach me how best to understand you. I'm also sorry that I made you jealous by spending more time with InDesign today. I know you and her aren't exactly on the best of terms, but she told me that maybe you needed some time alone. Also, please know that calling you a "fucking bitch-ass slut" was completely my fault, because I was so frustrated while working today. I love you.  FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK Me

Date: 27/12/13 Current Time: 11:15am In the plane now. Destination: home. It's weird to know that I'm heading back to face reality - assignments and StopPress and school. It's a 5-hour flight, which is good for me because I like the quiet time. It's interesting to think that we're all suspended in the air and if anything happens we either freefall out of the sky or die in a pressurised airplane. The mountain ranges we see from the plane are breathtaking. Not as beautiful as when we were flying to Shenyang, but beautiful all the same. Confession time: I don't like people very much (Too much drama, too much judging, too much talking and not enough listening. Even the stuff people talk about bore me - I'd much rather discuss topics such as the meaning of life or the significance of humans in the universe or the different kinds of mythical creatures or something), but I love natural landscapes. Hell, I love nature, period. I'll gladly spend a whole day t...

Date: 27/12/13 Current Time: 11:35pm We're leaving shanghai first thing tomorrow - the flight is at 10am according to mum. We've already finished packing everything and I'm dead tired - my body is aching because it's still not too used to the cold weather (you can tell that my body really seems to miss the warm weather back home) and I'm pretty dead in terms of mentality right now.  I should have a lot to say about leaving because well, we're leaving tomorrow. The thing is... I don't have a lot to say. I'm both looking forward to and dreading going home because going home means safety. Going home means sleeping in my bed and being in my room and an environment I know best. Going home means seeing my friends again, people I know. Going home means familiarity. And yet going home also means facing assignments, looking deadlines. Going home means facing the same problems I went overseas with the intention of forgetting. Going home means an end to the anonymi...

Date: 26/12/13 Current Time: 2:34pm Christmas is over, and now we're heading back to Shanghai. I'll be glad for warmth again, but I'm really going to miss the cold in Shenyang. True, it was TOO cold in Shenyang,  but when you consider the fact that I live in a tropical country, warmth is something I've known all my life. Cold is something else entirely,  a lover I've only started to get to know. And it's truly all too soon that I've had to say goodbye. I'll miss the snow. I'll miss the icy air and how the wind messes up my hair. I'll miss how every breath I take comes out as mist, and I'll miss the childish delight I felt when I looked at all the white around me. I'll miss the wonder I felt when I saw snow falling for the first time, and I'll miss feeling silly while trying to catch a snowflake on my tongue (and ending up with snow in my eyes, on my nose, in my hair... Basically everywhere BUT my tongue). I won't miss ...

Date: 25/12/13 Current Time: 8:23pm I haven't been able to write anything since yesterday, so first and foremost Merry Christmas, everyone!! If you're reading this, I hope you're having a wonderful time, whether with friends or family or on your own.  Shenyang's amazing, freezing but so worth it because THERE IS SNOW. It wasn't snowing when we arrived yesterday (though it definitely is now) but the ground was covered in it and it was icy cold. It's both fun and miserable here because of the weather - sometimes it's too cold to actually enjoy it! I have to admit, I've been so happy that I've been near tears, but I've also had several episodes, if you know what I mean... Take yesterday for example. I was pretty happy, what with it being Christmas Eve and me being in a beautiful place with freezing cold temperatures and snow. And an episode hit me out of nowhere - I couldn't breathe and all of a sudden I was near tears again, though this time in...

Date: 24/12/13 Current time: 7:39am Currently on our way to Pudong International Airport in a cab, and the driver is VERY enthusiastic - he damn near pulled my haversack off me while rattling on about how it looked too heavy for a little girl like me. Pssh. Me, little? Bitch I'm fat as hell. Anyway we're supposed to be headed to Shenyang, which is a place that makes me think of mountains and isolated villages, to be honest. Though from what mum tells me, it should be somewhat similar to Shanghai, just colder. Way colder, in fact... When I checked the temperatures this morning, Shenyang clocked an impressive -18 degrees Celsius. Conclusion? I'm going to have a lot of fun freezing my ass off. It's pretty silent in the cab, and I'm just enjoying the chilly air for now. No winding down the windows though, the city smog is too bad to keep breathing deeply for long - if we thought our previous PSI readings of >400 during the recent haze crisis were scary then this is a...

Date: 22/12/13 Current Time: 11:33pm The reason why I'm putting this down is because of the fact that I won't be able to post as and when I like, seeing how I'm relying on free wifi here.  Plus, china doesn't allow for blogger so I won't be able to post anything till I get back. Anyway, we've made it to shanghai! The flight was pretty uneventful and we touched down around 4am - you can imagine that the first thing we did was check in to the hotel and SLEEP. The hotel's called Seventh Heaven, which personally reminds me a bit of that "Seven Minutes in Heaven" game. A kissing game... I wonder what it'd be like to play it hurhurhur. Anyway. It's freezing here (a lady told us that it's about 8-9 degrees Celsius today), though I have to admit that after the initial shock (my body had to adjust from Singapore's heat to BOOMCOLDMUTHAFUCKA, something my nose wasn't too happy about) it's pretty bearable, even fun as long as the wind ...

Tish calls me an otaku , which basically means someone who's very  into the anime and manga culture. Think someone who lives and breathes the culture - that's also why I keep telling her that I'm not an otaku . But I had the sudden thought... Phone casing: Kakashi from Naruto (though I'm thinking of finding a Shingeki no Kyojin phone casing) Phone lockscreen: Shingeki no Kyojin typography wallpaper for the OP lyrics (though I'm seriously considering changing it to a picture of Levi-heichou from Shingeki no Kyojin) Phone homescreen: Some Tumblr picture I'm in love with (though I'm seriously considering changing it to a picture of Levi-heichou from Shingeki no Kyojin) Ringtone: Shingeki no Kyojin OP Text tone: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles tone Alarm tones: Naruto tune and Jasmine from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles OST I'm not an otaku ... I swear... I'm just an ordinary fangirl hehe... *sweatdrops*

I'm leaving for Shanghai tomorrow night. Just thought I'd say it here because I used to send mass texts to my friends to inform them, and well... Now it seems more prudent not to tell anyone. Keep things more low-key, you know? The thought of letting everyone know where I'm going doesn't appeal to me so much now. I'll still be contactable through social media, email and the usual chatrooms - WA, LINE, whatever. All this will be if and when I get a stable wifi connection over there in China, though. I'll be back on the 28th, and I'll be attending drama practice once I'm back. I really wanted to go this week but it was practically impossible, what with the last-minute errands to run and stuff to pack. I'm sorry, I don't know why this sounds so depressing. There's been a lot on my mind lately. Well, I should sound more cheerful shouldn't I? I mean, I'm leaving for a holiday! This is something I should be happy about :)) China...

I dreamt it snowed last night. It was like everything I'd ever read about -  the crunching of snow beneath my boots as I walked, the chilly air and my breath coming out of my mouth in puffs, snow melting on my face, my lashes, my hair. It was beautiful.

Awesome scene. (Plus Levi-heichou's signature move SEVERAL TIMES in this scene. I'm in love.)

So Tish is already in Japan - hopefully she's enjoying herself there. On another note, Xinyi and I went to EOY today - apparently it's an anime/cosplay event that's pretty big, though it's still smaller than AFA (remember how I said once that AFA was like the  cosplay event of the year?). Also, EOY was held outdoors, which in my opinion was a big, big  mistake. You've got cosplayers who've piled on the makeup, and those costumes aren't exactly suited for tropical weather either. Isn't it more practical to have an event in an air-conditioned area? This way, the cosplayers can look good and stay in character without having to worry that half their face is melting or their hair is looking flatter with each passing hour. Sigh. Despite the heat, Xinyi and I managed to get some pretty good photos: Some doll display. Very cool! Ash Ketchum! Awesome as always, and a good classic :) Kakashi! I loved the detail put into his...

Poor Eren! I nearly died laughing though.

So in love with this ahaha. Gotta start on work soon though. But I'm turning into a bigger Ereri shipper the more I read and watch hehehe.

Watched TWO movies with Xinyi today because the tickets are ridiculously cheap as compared to weekend prices (which we're way more used to seeing how that's pretty much the only free time we usually have), and well that's a first for us. Good experience though, especially since the two movies were really good. It was good to do some catching up, especially since we hadn't seen each other in months. And as usual... Multiple selfies are always fun with friends. And when we saw a big-ass Christmas tree, we very naturally had to pose with it...   Xinyi: YAY CHRISTMAS TREE WHEE Me: Christmas tree. Fab. The sunset was beautiful too. (The itty-bitty dots are cable cars, by the way) And when I got home, ready to hit the shower and then get some sleep (and dream of the very handsome, very skilled Levi-heicho sigh), but a sudden thought struck me while I was removing my makeup. Look at this. (Yes it's ugly, but that...

YES. I AM OFFICIALLY A PART OF THE SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN FANDOM. Don't know what it is? Go check it out, but fair warning: It's fucked up as hell. I alternated between crying and yelling at my laptop while watching it... Well for anyone who DOES know it, you'll prolly understand when I say that LEVI OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I can't believe I love him, but he's so badass! (I think it's time to trawl minitokyo.net for scans and wallpapers again - it's been too long since I actively searched for anime wallpapers) However, it was only after watching this that I went "holy shit, I think I'm in love with him". (He's the guy who's kicking the crap out of the main character) Besides this amazingly awesome character, the fandom on its own is beyond words. This anime series is considered fairly new, so to see this many fanvids (of very good quality, I must add) is pretty surprising. I think this is...

I woke up to this newspaper headline this morning. RIOT BREAKS OUT IN LITTLE INDIA: POLICE CARS, AMBULANCES SMASHED AND BURNED AS MOB OF 400 TURNS UNRULY At first, I thought it was a bad joke. I mean, this is Singapore we're talking about. We're safe, aren't we? But reading on, finding more news sources to read from, watching the videos and reading the same shocked Facebook statuses... It was true.  I like to consider myself desensitised from watching violent movie after violent movie. Riots, people overturning vehicles, officers getting injured... I thought I'd seen it all. But watching the video made me feel otherwise. Sure, the riot could be considered small compared to other riots around the world. But what made it scary to me was the fact that it happened in the country I considered home. This was a place about an hour from my house, a place I knew how to get to. I could literally take a train there. I think what makes this scarier than all the oth...

I finally understood why some considered watching movies alone therapeutic - I just watched Frozen alone, and it was an amazing experience. I didn't have to care if anyone would judge me for making quiet gasps because the scenery was so breathtaking, or just because I loved the whole concept of winter and snow and cold. I didn't have to worry if anyone was shooting me a strange look when I teared up because I'm a highly emotional person and the beauty of the snow and ice and the soundtrack meant that I was hugging myself trying not to smudge my eyeliner. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie - it wasn't fantastic, but the soundtrack was very good! I also realised how much I prefer watching a movie with children (yes, you read that right) instead of teenagers. I realise I'm a teen too, but my friends and I are never that noisy (or dumb) when we watch movies - we usually keep quiet when we're watching the movie, which is something I greatly appreciate. I mean, peo...

Was supposed to be watching Frozen alone, but ended up sitting next to a huge group of kids who've been brought to the cinemas for a student care excursion.  Can't tell who's more excited between the kiddies and I! :))

I can smell it from where I'm sitting. It's funny how accurate an overused description can actually be -  copper and salt. It reeks.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's my reminder to be working on that assignment due MIDNIGHT.

Reply to my email you little bitch.

That moment when you're stressed and all you need to feel slightly better is to see Fuji-senpai with his beloved cactus.

Suffocated. I'm breathing, slow steady breaths -  drawing the beautifully cold air into my lungs. The chilly wind is a kiss upon my cheek; an icy caress that wraps itself around me. He's a selfish lover. Selfish, but not cruel. I feel loved by the wind and the rain and the cold. Tell me then, why do I feel as though I'm being tied down?

Ugh. At this point I'd rather take InDesign over Microsoft Word (this says a lot). And you know I'm well and truly stressed when I start listening to K-Pop while working. (Though DBSK doesn't count, I supported them way before the whole Hallyu wave thing)

I think I might be catching a cold.

Note to self: Keep School Trail articles under 400 words if possible from now on. Layout's a right bitch.

What do you do when you're stressed and on the verge of falling sick and  have deadlines to meet? You change the icons for the school paper. They're oddly fitting in my opinion though ehehe.

It's a FRIDAY NIGHT.  And I was helping out with the DRAMA CLUB. In SCHOOL. Stepping onto the stage again even though I wasn't acting. Going back to the one place I get to be whoever the fuck I can be. The one place I'm happy, I'm actually happy. Being around people I don't know well but love because of our shared passion for acting. Talking to a junior who's leaving and understanding his pain, because I've been there before. I was there.  Feeling for the first time in a week as though I could temporarily forget exactly how tired I am, how empty I've been. And so I ask you this. No anger, no hate - I'm fighting back tears even in the bus. Why do you have to be such an asshole? I'm not good at acting, but it's here that everything clicks , everything falls into place for a few hours. I'm not pretty like the others or good with techniques or makeup like the othe...

Laugh, then. Go on, laugh. Laugh at me, loud and clear and mocking. Keep laughing - I know what you think of me. Freak.  Keep laughing. Because every time you laugh, I'm reminded of why I should thank you. Thank you - why yes, I should do that. It's part of class, after all. I should thank you. So thank you all. Thank you for teaching me that who I am isn't "accepted". Thank you for teaching me that who I am makes me a good target for mockery and laughter. Thank you for teaching me how to be a bitch, and thank you for tearing me down when I finally tried to rise up again. Fuck you all.