Alone


I finally understood why some considered watching movies alone therapeutic - I just watched Frozen alone, and it was an amazing experience.

I didn't have to care if anyone would judge me for making quiet gasps because the scenery was so breathtaking, or just because I loved the whole concept of winter and snow and cold. I didn't have to worry if anyone was shooting me a strange look when I teared up because I'm a highly emotional person and the beauty of the snow and ice and the soundtrack meant that I was hugging myself trying not to smudge my eyeliner.

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie - it wasn't fantastic, but the soundtrack was very good! I also realised how much I prefer watching a movie with children (yes, you read that right) instead of teenagers. I realise I'm a teen too, but my friends and I are never that noisy (or dumb) when we watch movies - we usually keep quiet when we're watching the movie, which is something I greatly appreciate. I mean, people pay good money to watch the movie, not listen to you yabber on about how you wish the guy you liked would look at you or how much you paid for that box of nuts you smuggled into the cinema.

Yes, the children were kind of noisy, but even their noisy was simply to exclaim "This is AWESOME!" during the quiet moments because they're several classes worth of kids who're on their very first movie excursion. That's forgivable, and even kind of cute because they're so fucking innocent and all. For many of them, it's probably their first time even setting foot into a cinema.

BUT listening to you and your friend go "ohmygod, yeah he was so cute and I saw him yesterday blah blah blah" and then "Yeah, my friend said this movie is really good" while the movie is freaking playing... That's annoying as hell. If your friend says this movie is so good, why don't you shut up and watch the movie? I'm not saying you can't talk AT ALL, just... Could you maybe keep it to a whisper or something, or maybe talk before the movie even plays? Murmuring or whispering is fine since it doesn't affect anyone else besides the ear you're whispering into, but saying "Yeah, she's totally gonna die" during a tense moment doesn't help anyone, and usually leads to quite a few annoyed looks being shot your way. So hush.

But I digress. Again.

The movie was good, and the experience of watching it alone even better - I was actually having a good time on my own, and it was so silent. No voices, no anxieties, no mocking sneers. I couldn't care less if my eyeliner was smudged or if I looked fat, and I couldn't give a flying fuck if my hair was in a mess or if anyone could hear me sniffling slightly during the movie because I was emotionally overwhelmed by how peaceful I felt. Peace was something I hadn't known for a long while.

I loved it so much, I walked out of the cinema with a smile on my face. I stood straighter - I took off my jacket because for the first time in a long time, I didn't care about my fat arms. I didn't care. I smiled at random people and even made conversation with them.

It's amazing that something so simple can do so much. It made me forget the familiar sting in my legs as I walked home after the movie. It made me forget last night.

And that's much, much more than I could possibly have asked for.

I love this song so much.
In a way, I found acceptance in this song.

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl, you always have to be
Conceal don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know
///
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

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