Fog
I'm leaving for Shanghai tomorrow night. Just thought I'd say it here because I used to send mass texts to my friends to inform them, and well... Now it seems more prudent not to tell anyone. Keep things more low-key, you know? The thought of letting everyone know where I'm going doesn't appeal to me so much now.
I'll still be contactable through social media, email and the usual chatrooms - WA, LINE, whatever. All this will be if and when I get a stable wifi connection over there in China, though.
I'll be back on the 28th, and I'll be attending drama practice once I'm back. I really wanted to go this week but it was practically impossible, what with the last-minute errands to run and stuff to pack.
I'm sorry, I don't know why this sounds so depressing. There's been a lot on my mind lately.
Well, I should sound more cheerful shouldn't I? I mean, I'm leaving for a holiday! This is something I should be happy about :))
China's going to be freezing, and I hear Shenyang (that's where we're going too besides Shanghai)'s temperatures have dropped below -12 degrees celsius. Man oh man I'm going to have a hell of a good time freezing my ass off. On a brighter note I also hear it may snow there (if it isn't already snowing) and also I think Shenyang celebrates Christmas, which is really important to me.
Christmas, to me, is one of the most important celebrations of the year, if not the most important. I don't really celebrate Chinese New Year (I'm still trying to find acceptance in it) and birthdays don't count, plus I don't celebrate Hari Raya or Deepavali (I wish friends who celebrate them but don't really know what to do besides that) and Singapore still isn't all that big on Halloween. Needless to say, I don't do Thanksgiving or Hanukkah either. Which is why Christmas is so important to me - it's the one event where everyone really feels the spirit, whether with cheesy-ass Christmas songs playing in departmental stores or last-minute Christmas shopping or the usual yearly donation to the Salvation Army. Singapore doesn't have snow, but even though it's hot and humid and nowhere near the white Christmas everyone dreams of, it's the closest we have to Christmas and we'll be damned if we don't enjoy it.
We'll be celebrating Christmas in Shenyang, and I'm not joking when I say that I will cry if Shenyang has snow and actually celebrates Christmas. I. Will. Cry. And I won't care if my parents think I'm crazy (they wouldn't actually be wrong...).
I'll still be posting on this blog, or at least attempting to. I still need a place to put my thoughts, after all, and I'm not as naive as I was as a child to actually bring a diary on holiday. God knows why I was so stupid, and God help me if my parents ever find my diaries and read them.
On to other thoughts. I'm trying to put down as much as I can before I leave, it'll be easier for me. Unfortunately I can't say this post will be easy to read, since it'll be nothing more than a jumble of my thoughts.
I've sent the usual Christmas cards to the usual friends - there's a good sense of familiarity there. And I have to say, it feels good not to have to write to that one person I've been diligently sending a card to every Christmas since I was in Sec 2. It's liberating, like I can finally say "Yeah, I'm no longer thinking of you at the end of the year, and you no longer mean enough to me for me to send you a card." To me, sending a card means "I'm thinking of you." It doesn't have to be in a romantic light, it just means that you care enough about the person to bother sending them a card, to wish them even if you can't be there in person. Receiving a card means the same thing - that someone's thinking of you and cared enough to send a card.
So in a way... I suppose not sending a card felt a big fat "fuck you" to whatever feelings I used to have. It felt good.
I've also started relearning rollerblading. It was something I sort of picked up in primary school when I joined the school's housepractice sessions (Go Seahawks!) and even though I didn't learn much, I enjoyed it very much. Regretfully, I didn't continue with it after the 4 training sessions stopped.
But I recently made up my mind to try again, and asked Jo for help because I know she knows how to rollerblade, and it's always nice to have someone around to laugh with when you fuck up. It was nice to wear the skates again and wobble my way around (nice to know that my skills remain as abysmal as they were at 8 years old instead of deteriorating), and even though I still can't quite figure out how to turn, and even though I still hadn't regained my confidence in skates, it was fun. It was a challenge I thoroughly enjoyed, because I felt like this was something difficult that would also be immensely rewarding. I don't know how else to describe it besides a challenge I enjoyed.
So I've been using whatever chance I have to try rollerblading on my own - I suck, but it's good fun. I keep telling myself that if I keep practising, I'll get good enough that maybe I can get my own pair of skates, and then I'll be able to skate in the park anytime I need to clear my head in the future.
I'm not sure what else I want to put in this post, sigh. I'm sorry if this post seems to make no sense - that's how I've been feeling lately. The fog's harder to lift these days.
I'll still be contactable through social media, email and the usual chatrooms - WA, LINE, whatever. All this will be if and when I get a stable wifi connection over there in China, though.
I'll be back on the 28th, and I'll be attending drama practice once I'm back. I really wanted to go this week but it was practically impossible, what with the last-minute errands to run and stuff to pack.
I'm sorry, I don't know why this sounds so depressing. There's been a lot on my mind lately.
Well, I should sound more cheerful shouldn't I? I mean, I'm leaving for a holiday! This is something I should be happy about :))
China's going to be freezing, and I hear Shenyang (that's where we're going too besides Shanghai)'s temperatures have dropped below -12 degrees celsius. Man oh man I'm going to have a hell of a good time freezing my ass off. On a brighter note I also hear it may snow there (if it isn't already snowing) and also I think Shenyang celebrates Christmas, which is really important to me.
Christmas, to me, is one of the most important celebrations of the year, if not the most important. I don't really celebrate Chinese New Year (I'm still trying to find acceptance in it) and birthdays don't count, plus I don't celebrate Hari Raya or Deepavali (I wish friends who celebrate them but don't really know what to do besides that) and Singapore still isn't all that big on Halloween. Needless to say, I don't do Thanksgiving or Hanukkah either. Which is why Christmas is so important to me - it's the one event where everyone really feels the spirit, whether with cheesy-ass Christmas songs playing in departmental stores or last-minute Christmas shopping or the usual yearly donation to the Salvation Army. Singapore doesn't have snow, but even though it's hot and humid and nowhere near the white Christmas everyone dreams of, it's the closest we have to Christmas and we'll be damned if we don't enjoy it.
We'll be celebrating Christmas in Shenyang, and I'm not joking when I say that I will cry if Shenyang has snow and actually celebrates Christmas. I. Will. Cry. And I won't care if my parents think I'm crazy (they wouldn't actually be wrong...).
I'll still be posting on this blog, or at least attempting to. I still need a place to put my thoughts, after all, and I'm not as naive as I was as a child to actually bring a diary on holiday. God knows why I was so stupid, and God help me if my parents ever find my diaries and read them.
On to other thoughts. I'm trying to put down as much as I can before I leave, it'll be easier for me. Unfortunately I can't say this post will be easy to read, since it'll be nothing more than a jumble of my thoughts.
I've sent the usual Christmas cards to the usual friends - there's a good sense of familiarity there. And I have to say, it feels good not to have to write to that one person I've been diligently sending a card to every Christmas since I was in Sec 2. It's liberating, like I can finally say "Yeah, I'm no longer thinking of you at the end of the year, and you no longer mean enough to me for me to send you a card." To me, sending a card means "I'm thinking of you." It doesn't have to be in a romantic light, it just means that you care enough about the person to bother sending them a card, to wish them even if you can't be there in person. Receiving a card means the same thing - that someone's thinking of you and cared enough to send a card.
So in a way... I suppose not sending a card felt a big fat "fuck you" to whatever feelings I used to have. It felt good.
I've also started relearning rollerblading. It was something I sort of picked up in primary school when I joined the school's housepractice sessions (Go Seahawks!) and even though I didn't learn much, I enjoyed it very much. Regretfully, I didn't continue with it after the 4 training sessions stopped.
But I recently made up my mind to try again, and asked Jo for help because I know she knows how to rollerblade, and it's always nice to have someone around to laugh with when you fuck up. It was nice to wear the skates again and wobble my way around (nice to know that my skills remain as abysmal as they were at 8 years old instead of deteriorating), and even though I still can't quite figure out how to turn, and even though I still hadn't regained my confidence in skates, it was fun. It was a challenge I thoroughly enjoyed, because I felt like this was something difficult that would also be immensely rewarding. I don't know how else to describe it besides a challenge I enjoyed.
So I've been using whatever chance I have to try rollerblading on my own - I suck, but it's good fun. I keep telling myself that if I keep practising, I'll get good enough that maybe I can get my own pair of skates, and then I'll be able to skate in the park anytime I need to clear my head in the future.
I'm not sure what else I want to put in this post, sigh. I'm sorry if this post seems to make no sense - that's how I've been feeling lately. The fog's harder to lift these days.
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