Shanghai: Day Four

Date: 25/12/13
Current Time: 8:23pm

I haven't been able to write anything since yesterday, so first and foremost Merry Christmas, everyone!! If you're reading this, I hope you're having a wonderful time, whether with friends or family or on your own. 

Shenyang's amazing, freezing but so worth it because THERE IS SNOW. It wasn't snowing when we arrived yesterday (though it definitely is now) but the ground was covered in it and it was icy cold. It's both fun and miserable here because of the weather - sometimes it's too cold to actually enjoy it!

I have to admit, I've been so happy that I've been near tears, but I've also had several episodes, if you know what I mean... Take yesterday for example. I was pretty happy, what with it being Christmas Eve and me being in a beautiful place with freezing cold temperatures and snow. And an episode hit me out of nowhere - I couldn't breathe and all of a sudden I was near tears again, though this time in a bad way. It took me a while and a bit of walking about on my own to sort my emotions out. In a way, breathing in the cold air really helps. 

But I'm not focusing on that. It's started to snow, and it's truly beautiful - everything is blanketed with white. When we were walking, we were pretty much buffeted by falling snow and all I could think of was "I guess Jack Frost came to visit!"

Current time: 10:49pm

We've managed to make it back to the hotel, and well dad's being a little bitch as usual (But then again what's new? Even during Christmas he tries to spoil things) but I'm refusing to let him ruin anything - if anything it's making me more determined to enjoy the snow and cold air while they last. This beauty isn't going to follow us back to shanghai tomorrow, after all. 

Sudden thought: I've just realised it's loneliness that I feel when I'm upset here. All this is very beautiful, but I find myself wishing I could spend it with someone who means something special to me.

I see guys surprising their girlfriends on the street, giving them flowers bought from the street vendors, breath misting in the icy air, them walking off hand in hand... And I realise that I'm truly lonely. I don't consider myself desperate for a partner, but I do know that I desperately wish to know this feeling of being loved. Quite simply put, I have too much love to give and I don't know who the right person is to give it to. 

Why are my thoughts all so strange? Maybe it's the cold itself - it's lonely but beautiful. 

Lonely I've gotten pegged down; Beautiful? Not so. 

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