For we must all learn to howl.

I haven't made any newsies. It's been about three weeks. Almost a month then. I don't know. Am I supposed to feel proud of myself? Like I achieved some major accomplishment? Because I still feel the same. Sure, the feeling of no new newsies... It's weird, it's beyond weird. And I'm slightly scared that I might slip, you know? Half of me wants to. The other half... Well. When you start kissing steel wolves, you won't know how to stop. you might not want to, even.

It seems like I’ve forgotten the number one lesson I thought I learned from last year. Never cry with contacts in. Last night was intense - thank god for amazing friends (Russ) and sisters (Tish).

She was neatly dressed, with her blocky-coloured office clothes and monochromic flats and her bag. It was cliché to describe it so, but her eyes were bright and hopeful as she glanced at the girl who walked out from the office. "Uh..." The girl spoke. "Are you here for a prize collection?" She shook her head. "I'm here for an interview." "Oh. Uh... Have you called anyone yet?" The girl asked, gesturing with her right hand to the telephone sitting on the reception counter. Her other hand was holding a flask and a tea bag. "Oh! That’s right, I haven’t called. Thanks." She gave a wobbly smile to the girl, eyes conveying both nervousness and gratitude. “No problem.” The girl used her staff pass to enter another door without a second glance at her. It was slightly cold of the girl, but she tried not to think about it. She dialed the number that was written on the sheet of paper at the counter, and was told to wait for ...

give a shout give a cheer for all the people who are here with their gowns  and their masks recognising them's a task! cloying air smells too sweet do be careful now my dear for the ones who are here might just take all you hold dear to taint it and destroy it see those colours on the wall? see their brillance ages past and the lustre quickly fades and you find you cannot run from the masquerade how they grab how they pull how quickly you find yourself ensnared take a mask slip it on now you know you're truly trapped you've heard the music drunk the wine don't you think you've had enough? dance and feast sing and cheer but remember... You will always stay here. Tried writing this with whatever was left of the plot bunny that visited me last night. Apparently half-formed bunnies don't play well, and I'm so rusty with this I could cry.

Whaddya know, my annoying habit of apologising too much has come to bite me in the ass. Case in point? My internship evaluation report. Sigh.

It's interesting how work seems to perk me up more than anything now. I don't want to think about anything else. I've got a raging headache, and I think we all know it's got nothing to do with work. I haven't gone wallpaper-hunting for a long while but all these seem to have a similar theme. Away.

Okay, it's official. I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY EXTENDED MY INTERNSHIP :))))) So... It means I'll be a pain in the News Team's ass for another two weeks. AWETHOME. ************************************************************ I was supposed to type more, but I can't. I'm completely overwhelmed with emotions right now and I'm thinking way too much, so much I can barely focus on typing. I'll leave you with this.

Annoyed. Like seriously fucking annoyed. I didn't want to say anything just now because I'm still trying to be nice, but I don't even feel like saying anything anymore. I think I just want a quiet day tomorrow. If I see anything I'll probably just ignore it. Because seriously. Take a chill pill. Take several. Now caught between wanting to say "PISS OFF" and actually staying a nice person. But fuck it, since when have I actually been nice anyway? Let's just make this clear. I am NO ONE'S possession. And I definitely don't desire to be treated like a possession. If you think you can own or control me... You're dead wrong.

This song is so perfect. For a rainy day, or night, or whatever whenever you need to chill.

My goodness, how long has it been since I last heard this song? Really brings me back to when I was reading all those magazines  and swooning over celebrities like Jesse McCartney and Orlando Bloom. I used to save up to buy those outdated magazines from the US and Australia because I didn't like local mags, they were all about Mandopop and whatnot, and that wasn't my style at all - I barely even recognised the celebrities they \featured. Plus, overseas mags had the best quizzes and horoscope readings and all, and before long I stopped reading local mags altogether. But back to song. This really brings back memories :') And... I am so EXCITED for Sunday. Riri's no Linkin Park, but I love her music, especially since some of her tracks really pulled me through some bad times. (Hoping beyond hope she'll sing Diamonds as an encore, I've been looking through her most recent set lists!)

Everyone has a passion. Everyone's got that one thing (or maybe several) that makes them light up and positively glow  when they talk about it. For me? I'm passionate about acting. I may not know much, but I feel  a lot, and I'm passionate about discussing characters, places, dialogue, whatever. I'm passionate about writing. I may not write very well, but I do enjoy it and I do like discussing what a certain person may or may not have been feeling when he or she wrote a piece. And I do like it when someone tells me that they like what I write, because to me that means that something I wrote touched someone. Made them feel or think. Triggered a reaction. I'm an artist, though not a very good one. I don't draw or dance or sing or paint. I write. And I tell stories. People fascinate me because I find myself creating stories for them, wondering what their past could have been like or how their future could turn out to be. In my mind, I p...

I remember once during Journalism class we were told this very important piece of news: Don’t break embargo. It’s true. Never break embargo, because it’s all about honour and the reason you’re told a story is embargoed is because the company or organization doesn’t want you leaking out the story before a set time or date. It sucks, yeah. And you can get angry about it too because it does seem unreasonable at times. But you still need to stick to it. Why? Because ethics, that’s why. Because no matter how large or small your organization is, no matter if you’re well-known or people ask you where you’re from when they see you for the fifth time, you’ve got honour.  And no matter how much you hate it or argue against it, you’ll still stick to it. Which is why when I see that a media organisation has broken embargo, I feel slightly shocked. Some part of me knows I shouldn't be, but some part of me remembers that all-important rule I learned back in my first ye...

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate drowsy meds? Because I do, I really do. I don't react well to drowsy meds and always end up fighting the effects till it's too late so slowly ease into sleep and boom , I'm high as fuck, loopy off my head. The worst part is that because this happens, I need the whole of the next day to recover from the effects of the medicine. It's like a bad hangover with no alcohol. Which is basically what happened today. When I woke up, sure, I should have taken an MC, but I told myself that I had an event the next day and would need to be in the office to actually borrow the stuff I needed for the event. Plus it wasn't that  bad, or so I thought. I ended up having to pinch myself every 5 minutes or so just to stay somewhat awake, and even when talking to people I was all spacey and out of it. Which is okay if I'm alone or with friends, but not okay when I'm in the office and need to get work done. It's actually a wonder to ...

Have you ever felt so much all at one go that something inside you snaps and you stop feeling? It feels like a literal snap like something stretched too far and broke And the pain is so sharp  you find yourself blinking back tears And then the tears stop. And each breath you take Is just another way your body forces you to live even though your mind screams NO All you want is to stop breathing or at least Remember something Anything That resembles the slightest bit of emotion And sometimes you have flashes of  Sparks that feel suspiciously like GriefHappinessLonelinessHopeSadnessAngerConfusion But like sparks... They disappear. And slowly you start pretending to feel just so there aren't questions Don't know how to explain the thoughts that race through your mind and tangle themselves up How: Your favourite music doesn't touch you anymore, no matter how you listen. You don't feel anything watchi...

It'd be stupid to ask if anyone here has been yelled at by their parents before. We all have, and for varying reasons. I've been yelled at my parents before, and yeah I obviously don't like it, but I can understand. I did something stupid, you're angry. Go ahead and yell, you have the right to after all. But what I can't stand is when the parents choose to pull in the "you're..." argument.  We all know this. "You're in secondary school already, why can't you be more <insert whatever here>?" "You're in poly already, why can't you be more  <insert whatever here>?" "You're 19 going on 20 already, why can't you be more <insert whatever here>?" My crime? Forgetting to close the house windows before leaving for work today. Now let me make this clear - I may forget to turn off the water heater, or the wifi, but I NEVER forget to close the windows. Except this one time, which was obviously...

It's interesting. Those around you always tell you to be strong, to pick yourself up when you fall. But what do you do when no one around you gives you a reason to be strong? Those around stare with unfriendly eyes waiting to pick you apart laugh at the smallest mistake you make and send you back into your corner, knife in hand. And then those who should be there... Aren't. They tell you something's wrong with you. That you're not "normal". That you need to be who you're not. They keep taunting and pushing and pulling until you're on the floor how did you get there? wet eyes salty streaks and then they ask you why, why why are you crying  why can't you be strong why do you have to be so weak why do you have to be so weird why can't you be like the others there's a perfectly nice girl - why can't you be like her why can't you be NORMAL And when you break  you have to ...

Where are you? I haven’t heard from you in ages. I don’t feel your presence anymore. Your usual prowling around, growling accusations and ideas in my mind keeping me company Hard to believe, isn’t it? You used to keep me company In darker times you were there to feed the demons, fan the flames. And in lighter, brighter times… You reminded me that they wouldn’t last. When I felt utterly alone you were there watching me from your shadows laughing as I cried You were so cruel but for the longest time you were my only companion my one friend So where are you? Come out to play hide no longer show me where you are. I’ve missed you, my dearest shadow-friend. You’ve always threatened to take over someday. And while part of me misses you, another part of me walks with caution because You could be watching lurking waiting and then you’ll pounce. And then even I won’t know what could happen. All the blood...

There are exactly 16 days left till the end of our internship. I know this because I've got September 27th marked down on a calendar on both my office PC and personal laptop, I've got it scribbled out on a hardcopy calendar I keep on my desk in my room, I've got it keyed into my phone. And every day that comes is a day that the words "SEPTEMBER 27" glow brighter and bolder in my mind. It's like that light at the end of the tunnel people usually talk about. And I don't think I'm crazy or weird for describing it like this - I'm pretty sure that everyone under this internship programme will have done the same thing. They'll key it into their macbooks, type it into their smartphones, write it onto a sticky note to paste onto their desk as a daily reminder, talk about it as often as they can. And even when they don't  talk about it, September 27th is still a day that they'll be thinking of. Like I said. Light at the end of the tunnel. ...