COUNTDOWN: 16 DAYS
There are exactly 16 days left till the end of our internship. I know this because I've got September 27th marked down on a calendar on both my office PC and personal laptop, I've got it scribbled out on a hardcopy calendar I keep on my desk in my room, I've got it keyed into my phone. And every day that comes is a day that the words "SEPTEMBER 27" glow brighter and bolder in my mind.
It's like that light at the end of the tunnel people usually talk about. And I don't think I'm crazy or weird for describing it like this - I'm pretty sure that everyone under this internship programme will have done the same thing. They'll key it into their macbooks, type it into their smartphones, write it onto a sticky note to paste onto their desk as a daily reminder, talk about it as often as they can. And even when they don't talk about it, September 27th is still a day that they'll be thinking of.
Like I said. Light at the end of the tunnel.
The thing is, do I want to reach that light?
When I first started this internship, I was counting down the days till I was "free". I couldn't wait for September 27th. It wasn't that I hated my job or anything, I loved it. Just... I felt I didn't belong, I felt I wasn't good enough, I felt like I was a burden to the team. It was like being a mouse - I scurried around and kept my head low.
As the weeks passed, I grew slightly more confident. Most of the confidence came from covering events - I still screwed up, but at events I had no one to help me and had to think fast to somehow solve the problems I had. I was still kind of shy/nervous/scared of talking to my colleagues, because I was so damned afraid of saying something that could cause me to look like a stupid little twat in their eyes.
I probably do look like a twat in their eyes, but eh.
Twattishness aside, I know my colleagues a little bit better now. They're nice people, and even though they aren't always ha-ha nice and funny, it's fine. Work needs to be done after all. And it's the news team after all, every hour is like a race.
I'm not sure what else I can say about them. They're not like those colleagues who invite their interns out for drinks every Friday night because let's face it, everyone's tired, and no one's actually in the office at the same time as the others. I asked one of my colleagues if the news team ever actually had any dinner or gathering outside of work, and she told me that no, she'd never known any such gathering or dinner the whole time she'd been working with the team.
I don't feel sad or disappointed about this. We're all fun people in our own rights, and we have our own lives to lead too, so it's totally okay. Plus now that I think about it, a gathering like that could actually become kind of awkward...
I'm rambling again, aren't I? Oops. This is what happens when you have Tumblr, Youtube and Facebook on, you get kind of distracted. *coughs*
All points aside, I need to get to my main point, which is that I'm actually sort of dreading September 27th. You heard me, I don't really want it to come so soon. If I take out the weekends I'll be in this internship for 12 more days. That's heartbreaking to me, because (I probably won't say this to the news team because they don't strike me as the emotional sort and me saying something stupid like this is only going to weird them out) I'm really going to miss them. Even though they still scare me at times, I'm really going to miss them.
They're logical, sensible people (that comes from writing the news - who has the time to be overly sentimental, right?) and I know that my leaving won't have much impact, if any. The news changes every day, and whatever we write is quickly lost in the archives. My last day will be just like any other day in the newsroom, and when I say "bye" for the last time it'll be just like any other time. No difference.
To them, it's just another intern leaving, and they just have to do a little more work now that she's gone and unable to help with searching for and writing one more story for the hour. No difference.
But I wonder if I'll have made any impact on them. I still don't think I did very much to help the team. I didn't really lighten much of the load when it came to writing bulletins, really... I know I wasn't as good as the previous intern, from what I heard. He did so much more, and I know I can't compare to that.
I don't think they'll miss me much. They'll still have the news to write, and events to cover. Life still goes on in the newsroom, and eventually they'll have another intern coming in again.
I'm not typing all this to get a reaction from anyone.
I don't want anyone to go "awwh Nat we're gonna miss you" after reading this.
Let's be clear on this - these are my thoughts on having to leave the company soon. I ramble a lot, and my thoughts are jumbled and unfocused at times, but these are my personal thoughts. Like I said, I'm not trying to get any reaction from anyone.
This *points to the above* is just in case any colleague happens to come across my blog and this post and reads it. I'm just hoping nothing's going to get awkward or anything.
I'll miss them though.
12 days to go.
And every day that comes is a day that I dread because it'll mean that September 27th is looming ever closer.
It's like that light at the end of the tunnel people usually talk about. And I don't think I'm crazy or weird for describing it like this - I'm pretty sure that everyone under this internship programme will have done the same thing. They'll key it into their macbooks, type it into their smartphones, write it onto a sticky note to paste onto their desk as a daily reminder, talk about it as often as they can. And even when they don't talk about it, September 27th is still a day that they'll be thinking of.
Like I said. Light at the end of the tunnel.
The thing is, do I want to reach that light?
When I first started this internship, I was counting down the days till I was "free". I couldn't wait for September 27th. It wasn't that I hated my job or anything, I loved it. Just... I felt I didn't belong, I felt I wasn't good enough, I felt like I was a burden to the team. It was like being a mouse - I scurried around and kept my head low.
As the weeks passed, I grew slightly more confident. Most of the confidence came from covering events - I still screwed up, but at events I had no one to help me and had to think fast to somehow solve the problems I had. I was still kind of shy/nervous/scared of talking to my colleagues, because I was so damned afraid of saying something that could cause me to look like a stupid little twat in their eyes.
I probably do look like a twat in their eyes, but eh.
Twattishness aside, I know my colleagues a little bit better now. They're nice people, and even though they aren't always ha-ha nice and funny, it's fine. Work needs to be done after all. And it's the news team after all, every hour is like a race.
I'm not sure what else I can say about them. They're not like those colleagues who invite their interns out for drinks every Friday night because let's face it, everyone's tired, and no one's actually in the office at the same time as the others. I asked one of my colleagues if the news team ever actually had any dinner or gathering outside of work, and she told me that no, she'd never known any such gathering or dinner the whole time she'd been working with the team.
I don't feel sad or disappointed about this. We're all fun people in our own rights, and we have our own lives to lead too, so it's totally okay. Plus now that I think about it, a gathering like that could actually become kind of awkward...
I'm rambling again, aren't I? Oops. This is what happens when you have Tumblr, Youtube and Facebook on, you get kind of distracted. *coughs*
All points aside, I need to get to my main point, which is that I'm actually sort of dreading September 27th. You heard me, I don't really want it to come so soon. If I take out the weekends I'll be in this internship for 12 more days. That's heartbreaking to me, because (I probably won't say this to the news team because they don't strike me as the emotional sort and me saying something stupid like this is only going to weird them out) I'm really going to miss them. Even though they still scare me at times, I'm really going to miss them.
They're logical, sensible people (that comes from writing the news - who has the time to be overly sentimental, right?) and I know that my leaving won't have much impact, if any. The news changes every day, and whatever we write is quickly lost in the archives. My last day will be just like any other day in the newsroom, and when I say "bye" for the last time it'll be just like any other time. No difference.
To them, it's just another intern leaving, and they just have to do a little more work now that she's gone and unable to help with searching for and writing one more story for the hour. No difference.
But I wonder if I'll have made any impact on them. I still don't think I did very much to help the team. I didn't really lighten much of the load when it came to writing bulletins, really... I know I wasn't as good as the previous intern, from what I heard. He did so much more, and I know I can't compare to that.
I don't think they'll miss me much. They'll still have the news to write, and events to cover. Life still goes on in the newsroom, and eventually they'll have another intern coming in again.
I'm not typing all this to get a reaction from anyone.
I don't want anyone to go "awwh Nat we're gonna miss you" after reading this.
Let's be clear on this - these are my thoughts on having to leave the company soon. I ramble a lot, and my thoughts are jumbled and unfocused at times, but these are my personal thoughts. Like I said, I'm not trying to get any reaction from anyone.
This *points to the above* is just in case any colleague happens to come across my blog and this post and reads it. I'm just hoping nothing's going to get awkward or anything.
I'll miss them though.
12 days to go.
And every day that comes is a day that I dread because it'll mean that September 27th is looming ever closer.
I don't want to go.
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