That One Step

We all worked hard on this. And even though I agree that he didn't give satisfactory work, something within me still stutters at the thought of having to do that.

Maybe it’s regret. Regret that maybe I didn't try hard enough to understand, to talk to him and help him. Regret that maybe I wasn't a good enough friend to someone who could have needed it.

Maybe it’s guilt. Guilt that I, or we, could have been one of the bigger reasons why we don’t get along. Sure, we never liked him from the get-go, but maybe we if we tried to give him more chances he’d respond and we’d all end up getting along somewhat. The truth is that it’s really easier said than done isn't it.

Maybe it’s fear. I'm a person with strong self-preservation instincts, and right now my instincts are telling me that if we do it, we’ll definitely end up getting dragged in too. Whatever shit we reveal that he’s done will come back to bite in the asses because our shit will be revealed too. Why couldn't we have tried to rectify the problem earlier instead of waiting so long, they’ll ask. Why couldn't we have tried to talk to someone else instead of keeping everything among ourselves, they’ll say. 

Maybe I'm just a coward, because bitching is all fine and dandy but actually bringing someone in is another matter. I know I tried my best to be nice to him and understand, but if we do this, the guilt will always be there, I’ll always feel like I didn't try hard enough.

It’s his fault… But it’s our fault too. It’s not as if the other groups don’t have these problems - I know they do. But that’s not our problem at the moment. Our only problem, in my opinion, is what do we do about it and can we live with the consequences?

Because we’re feeling less like groupmates and more like friends now, and I'm genuinely afraid that something like this might rip the seams of our little group apart.