For we must all learn to howl.

What do you do when you're stressed and on the verge of falling sick and  have deadlines to meet? You change the icons for the school paper. They're oddly fitting in my opinion though ehehe.

It's a FRIDAY NIGHT.  And I was helping out with the DRAMA CLUB. In SCHOOL. Stepping onto the stage again even though I wasn't acting. Going back to the one place I get to be whoever the fuck I can be. The one place I'm happy, I'm actually happy. Being around people I don't know well but love because of our shared passion for acting. Talking to a junior who's leaving and understanding his pain, because I've been there before. I was there.  Feeling for the first time in a week as though I could temporarily forget exactly how tired I am, how empty I've been. And so I ask you this. No anger, no hate - I'm fighting back tears even in the bus. Why do you have to be such an asshole? I'm not good at acting, but it's here that everything clicks , everything falls into place for a few hours. I'm not pretty like the others or good with techniques or makeup like the othe...

Laugh, then. Go on, laugh. Laugh at me, loud and clear and mocking. Keep laughing - I know what you think of me. Freak.  Keep laughing. Because every time you laugh, I'm reminded of why I should thank you. Thank you - why yes, I should do that. It's part of class, after all. I should thank you. So thank you all. Thank you for teaching me that who I am isn't "accepted". Thank you for teaching me that who I am makes me a good target for mockery and laughter. Thank you for teaching me how to be a bitch, and thank you for tearing me down when I finally tried to rise up again. Fuck you all.

DONE: SP articles MagEd tutorial NOT DONE: Editing for SP articles MagEd cover and adv Layouts for both SP and MagEd IJ IA2 It's been a helluva day. At least I managed to finish what I desperately needed to get done today - that's not so bad. Now, sleep.

Forgive me, for I have sinned.

Look at this beautiful creature. Tell me, why would anyone want to eat a wolf? We were required to create a mockup of an article about the benefits of eating wolf meat yesterday in class, and I couldn't do it. I was looking for websites that had actual accounts of people saying they ate wolf meat, and ended up almost in tears. Because they weren't just talking about eating wolves, they were talking about eating bears, cougars, coyotes, mountain lions. I forced myself to read on, but wondered why humans had to eat such magnificent animals. Predator eating predator... In a way it may be justifiable (to others), but to me it's just wrong  on a level that I don't wish to explain. It's just wrong .

Everyone this early in the morning: Everyone when the tutor is talking: When all of a sudden... TEE-pography. Ehehehehe. Now back to default expressions: "Any questions?" *raises hand* "Can we go for a break?"

I'm tired. So tired. In the day I'm fighting to stay afloat in this sea of deadlines, but I barely manage to do so. I have everything planned out - on this day I'll do this, this and this. It's a watertight plan, and I know I can do it as long as I focus. God help me, I'm really doing my best to focus. I know what I want, and I want to work towards it. This is my last semester to do something, to make my mark somewhat. But I'm just so tired. My mind's swirling with all the words I want to use, all the phrases and sayings I want to write down. But I'm so out of it I can barely even keep a complete train of thought for more than a minute. Everything's flying through my mind - it's like my thoughts are those flying keys in Harry Potter and I'm desperately trying to catch the right one, the one I need for this door. I'm so scared. My stories are due tomorrow for peer editing, and I've only finished one...

THE PERKS OF BEING A JOURNALISM STUDENT: It's a pretty fucking awesome thing to be able to tell people you're a journalism  student. Mmm. You actually find language fun (or is that just the lack of social life talking?) You actually (somewhat) enjoy staying up late at night to question certain phrases and terms (how do you best use it and is there a better way?) THE CONS OF BEING A JOURNALISM STUDENT: You're hopelessly addicted to caffeine. You have little or no social life, which is the likeliest reason why you find language fun . You tell yourself you enjoy staying up late at night to question certain phrases and terms when you're actually doing it only because you want to use the phrase in one of the several articles you need to write for class. So sleepy... All I want is to fall asleep, preferably in a warm embrace. A hug from anyone would be nice right now - I'd probably doze right off.

You know what happens when I don't get enough sleep? I forget things. I forget to bring things I need (like my law notes and a charger that I still  haven't returned to Dy after borrowing it almost three weeks ago, oops). I forget to bring money . I rushed out of my house this morning because it was so difficult to apply eyeliner while in a half-comatose state, and I still needed to print my lecture notes. And when I reached school 15 minutes before the lecture (this is really late for me), I realised that I didn't have any cash with me. Well, crap. Which is why I'm currently grumpily sitting at a bench in school hacking away at my article (or at least trying) and doing my best not to think about food. It's difficult when the only place that's both quiet (somewhat) and has access to a power plug is directly opposite the on-campus McDonalds. And there's a group of guys chowing down on their burgers and drinks. No. I am not hungry. N...

It's interesting (and also a sure sign of sleep deprivation) when you see this and suddenly it's the funniest thing you've ever seen... The fiyahhhh! The BIG FIYAHHHHHHH!!!!!! School in a nutshell:

I don't really get the need for APEL class. For those who don't know, it's basically class for students to discuss morals and values with one another. One running joke about APEL is that we students don't have  any values or morals, so why even bother? But APEL is pretty good because it's during the class that I think of many GIF reactions to what's being said in class. For example, when the tutor asks something to which the answer is the word "sustainability" and all I think of is a GIF from that Cookie Monster/Tom Hiddleston video. Or another time when she says something about human beings being a species too and how even we could go extinct one day, and all I can think of is: "I doubt humans will ever be extinct. After all, we're a disease that the earth has never recovered from." Or this: Tutor: With extreme winter comes extreme summer, and with extreme summer comes extreme winter. Me: Winter is coming.

We know that I'm not a big fan of Starbucks. Let's get this straight - it's not that I don't like  Starbucks, it's just that it makes me uncomfortable. The coffee's good, sure, but I don't like the atmosphere in the cafes. They're not as quiet as CBTL or other coffee places where almost no one goes. And I get intimidated by the people in there - they all know exactly what they want. For me, I'm more of a " Holiday brew? What's that? Is it good? What can you recommend for me?" kind of person. I like talking to people and getting to know them, and I like it when people talk to me to get to know me. And as far as coffee goes, I stick by my staple - mocha - but I'll definitely try something different as long as you can get me interested in it. Which is why I get turned off (for lack of a better word) by Starbucks. Everyone's so... IWANTATALLDOUBLECHOCOLATEMOCHACCINO SOYNOWHIPTOGO and I'm just like....

Bills. Stress. No money. The pain of having to reach for your wallet to pay for something again. Wincing when you see the figures in your bank account. That feeling of quiet desperation when people remind you of money that you owe them. I can see why it's so tempting to drop out of school to work. And yet... Office politics. Horrible bosses. Pay not coming in on time. Having to always stay "relevant", whatever that means anymore. (Relevance seems to have somewhat lost its meaning now) Unending competition. I used to wonder why anyone would want to study all their lives, but I'm starting to see why some people choose to stay permanent students instead of finding a job.

Things fall apart; The centre cannot hold. I want to close the door to my room; the door to my heart and mind. Alone in this sanctuary - even with no one actually in  my room I feel suffocated. Just the simple act of someone being physically outside my room leaves me uncomfortable on a level I cannot possibly describe at the moment. I feel like grabbing a backpack and leaving. But I am unprepared - all my plans require slightly more time to be put into action. It's sad, because I know exactly what to do should I ever decide to leave. It's just that I've been complacent lately, never actually thinking that I might want to leave again. And the thought hits me that if something like this had happened about as little as 2 or 3 years ago, I'd be sitting in my room crying and hoping no one would notice. Now... I'm blogging. Staying on Tumblr and playing music so I can at least convince myself to breathe. Because I never do when I'm stressed. Somet...

Of all time.

So I got into another fight with my dad. I'm not sure - I think I'm supposed to be upset and maybe slightly scared of him especially since he was sort of yelling at me via text, but I'm too tired (physically, mentally and emotionally) to actually give a fuck. I showed Tish the text and even she was slightly taken aback, questioning if he really talked to me like that. Yep. Ladies and gents, my life. Not quite broken, but not quite held-together either. I was in a pretty crummy mood while on the way home because of this. Added to that was the fact that I couldn't find a single bookshop that sold the kind of magazine I was looking for. Sigh. But then  I happened to chance upon this, and it lifted my mood immediately. I spent about half the train ride brooding and the other half stifling laughter while watching this. I think PoT fans will understand exactly how funny this is ehehe.

THEY EXIST.  YOU GUYS THEY EXIST I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY I'M ACTUALLY CLOSE TO TEARS

It is a curious feeling.  It creeps up on her and hugs her tightly from behind when she least expects it, refusing to let go. It steals her breath and kisses her pulse, leaving no trace save the sudden weight that presses upon her heart. It is pain and happiness and sadness. It is lust and grief and anger. It is hate and love and mourning.  It is hope and regret and longing. What is it? She stares into the mirror, forcing herself to meet the eyes of that which looks terrifyingly alike yet nothing like her. She does not know these eyes. 

It's interesting how you can be in a place for close to three years and never really notice something. For instance, there's an old guy who sells ice cream at the school's main bus stop. It's interesting because we've never actually stopped to buy an ice cream from him before, but Juliana and I decided to get some while walking from school (we stayed late to discuss and practice for an upcoming event - slightly nervous!) and chat. Peppermint Choc Chip ice cream nom nom nom. I won't say what we talked about, because it's quite personal to the both of us. But I found my mind drifting afterwards while in the bus home, and it somehow ended up thinking quite a bit about what happened slightly more than a month ago. I'm pretty over it, I have to say. I mean, it's already over, and whatever that happened has already happened. But it got me thinking. I cried that night over a month ago, for multiple reasons. I'm not proud when I cry, beca...

I'm usually very glad for three-hour breaks because it means I have more time to do whatever I want and not have to worry about being late for class or whatever. But I'm actually really fighting the urge to just fall asleep in the library, despite the fact that it's kind of hot even though my legs are freezing. And I know that class later is going to be really tough - media law genuinely interests me, though it gives me a headache similar to what I used to get whenever I so much as looked  at a Chemistry or Math paper. It's a beautiful day to just laze around (though what day isn't?) and all I really want to do at the moment is watch a movie or something. So I'm going to stream and watch Top Gun (I haven't watched it since I promised mum I would ages  ago, and even Tish tells me it's hot hot hot) and (quietly) fangirl over Tom Cruise because he actually did use to look hot.  In the meantime, enjoy :) I've been red...

Cover TP Potters event thing for SP (20/11) GwaH (21/11) IntJourn group news portal (28/11) 3 stories for SP (2/12) MagEd IA2 - 2 pages (4/12 5pm) IntJourn 2nd news story (5/12 0000hrs) This is going to be fun.

A smile. An ever-so-slight twitch of the lips, one movement he cannot help but notice. But her eyes -  they dart away as quickly as a fish in troubled waters. He slouches, disappointed lifts his hand, aware of quietly observing eyes and a half-bowed head pretending not to notice As he musses his hair with calculated casualness. She bites her lip. Success! a reaction he continues watching her with half-lidded interest A game of teenaged cat-and-mouse the thing is, who is which? Poker faces. Both pretend they do not wish to acknowledge the other but every now and then her eyes swiftly rake across his face as she glances up The doors open; people leave. She watches them with mild interest acting as though she is completely engrossed in their little bubbled worlds She types, types, types... What exactly is she typing, he wonders. Who could she possibly be texting, weaving words into ideas for? Someone next to him stan...

I hate formal wear. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I suppose I should elaborate. I mean, there is a reason why I hate it. I hate formal wear because I can't understand it. I don't get why we'd create clothes that are uncomfortable (wearing them is like wearing starchy paper, there's no other way I can describe it) and mostly unflattering. Oh, we all know how sexy  and beautiful  women can look in those tight office pieces, those blouses and tight little pencil skirts that show off their asses so nicely. But try wearing it like them and you'll realise that it's really not that easy. Sure, the blouse looks fantastic  tucked all the way into the tight little pencil skirt, but move a little here or raise your arms there and you'll find yourself with an untucked blouse. Even better, an untucked blouse that's now crumpled . And all attempts to tuck the blouse back in nice and neatly only make the situation worse until you give up a...