Coward

I'm so tired. And so confused. Push and pull, push and pull, that's all I seem to be doing lately. And that isn't fair to the person who has to put up with my nasty moods and bitchy comments, all my pushing and pulling. It isn't fair at all.

I'm a coward, unable to face up to my feelings. Unable to accept that you might have known all along what I've felt for you. Unable to find a way to tell you exactly what I feel, and unable to bear the thought of more-than-possible rejection from you.

I'm a coward, unable to walk away from him. Unable to push him away completely because some part of me wants him near. Part of me looks forward to seeing him again, talking to him again. And the other part of me wants to push him away, tries to push him away.

It's not fair. And I truly am a coward.

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