Dear You...

Dear you,

 How are you? We haven't talked since the starting of this year, and even then it was one of the most pathetic conversations I've ever been in. A text message from me, a single reply from you, another message from me, and no reply from you. How laughable is that? I don't really think that can be considered an actual conversation.

 I wonder how you are, you know. Everyday I wonder what you're doing, if you're alright. And sometimes I wonder if you think of me. Sometimes I wonder if you even remember who the hell I am.

 It sometimes feels like I'm stuck in a rut with these feelings I have for you. You're one of the more important people in my life, but the fact remains that I haven't seen you in 3 years. I don't know how much you've changed, and you know even less about me. What if you're not the same person I remember? What if you're not the same "Edward" I used to know?

 .....It's funny. I don't call you "Edward" anymore. In truth, in my mind you just exist as this nameless, shapeless presence. It feels weird to call you that anymore. I guess "Edward" is no more, huh?

 You know, I've recently met someone. He's nice to me, and we have quite a few topics in common. And he seems to like the fact that I'm not girly like most other girls, that I like talking about weird stuff. And we have similar music tastes. And you know what? I'm actually starting to look forward to talking to him.

 But I'm also afraid of where this might go. I don't want to fall for anyone else when I still can't be sure of my feelings for you. I can't let go, and yet I can't tell you, because how the fuck am I supposed to tell you, anyway? You're so far away. And I feel that it's unfair for me to be interested in someone else when I'm still so horribly confused about you.

 Now that I look around, it seems to me that almost everyone is having issues with love. Couples are breaking up. Parents are going through divorces. People are miserable crushing on others who will possibly never acknowledge their existence. And all this depresses me so much because I know that I have similar issues. I just can't get over you. And until I get over you...

 Well, I don't know. Will I ever get over my hopeless crush on you? Do I even want to let go of this meaningless crush?

 ..............I love you. But I don't know if I should.

 Me

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