7 Thousand

What do you do when you seem to have met someone amazing, but don't actually know them?

This is what's been bugging me for a couple of days now. I talked to Tish about Aoi-kun, and she told me exactly what I'd been worrying about but trying not to think about: He could be fake.

I'm going to be brutally honest here - on Meow chances are high enough that random people could message you asking for nudes or sexts. Quite a few of these people are in it just to find someone who's willing to roleplay for them or maybe even video sex, I dunno.

The thing is that Aoi-kun could quite possibly just be looking for sex. The thing is, if he is then he's awfully patient - we've been chatting so much for about 3 days now and no one's mentioned sex at all, or asked for a picture or anything.

So sex is out the window (thank god). Now comes the theory that he could quite possibly be a fake, which is what I'm slightly more worried about.

He's so nice. He's definitely not perfect, but chatting with him is disturbingly easy - we talk like people who've known each other for ages who're still getting to know each other - and I feel like we connect on some weird level. He's also good-looking, and for some whacked-up reason seems to think I'm pretty cool, too.

So what's going to happen if in reality he's some pervert or some other guy pretending to be younger than he really is? Or what if this niceness is just some façade or he's using the same nice spiel on like 20 other girls while chatting with me? It's a possibility that I don't like to think about.

How ironic it is that I finally find someone whom I really feel comfortable talking to, someone who does both talking and listening, not hearing and acknowledging but really listening, who actually seems into me and wants to know more about me (he thinks I'm cute like holy fuck okay), and he lives like 7000 miles away. How ironic that for the first time ever, I feel like I actually want to go on a date with a guy, and he lives so far away. 

How ironic that he could actually be A- I don't want to think about that.

Not only that, but what I don't want to admit to myself is that none of this might be for real. I've been playing with illusions and masks for so long, but for the first time ever, I feel lost. I might just be another face to him, like someone amongst the 20 other girls he could be chatting to. He's amazingly nice, but what scares me is that I might not actually mean anything.

Because he seems too good to be true.

Tish was right as usual: I shouldn't get too invested before anything happens that could hurt me. I have to wake up, and I have to remember how to play before I risk losing everything to a game that someone could be playing.

I have to be careful.

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