今の嬉しい
Downloading Pingu for the brats while in the office - as long as I don't completely overload this com it should be fine, though the connection is so bad that the ETA is climbing higher and higher. 6 hours... 8 hours... 11 hours... Fuck this I'm gonna be here all year ugh.
The lesson plan briefing for the Bandung trip in school was exhausting, to say the least. I honestly never thought that planning lessons for a bunch of kids could be so tough. It also opened my eyes to exactly how much we took English for granted - here in Singapore, we speak mostly English and think nothing of it since it's pretty much the first language we learn in schools, but when it comes to planning lessons and games for a bunch of Indonesian kids who might speak little to no English, everything becomes a problem: Do we assume they can even speak English? Do we have to start from scratch with the alphabet or just move on to songs? Will they even understand what we're trying to teach them?
This trip is promising to be difficult but fun, I just hope we actually manage to teach the kiddies something useful!
Talked things through somewhat with Aoi-kun last night/this morning (with the time difference sometimes I really don't know anymore), and he admitted that like me, he was getting too attached too fast. As comforting as it is to hear that (since it means that I'm not the only one being the fool here and he definitely doesn't think I'm weird or creepy), it's still an internet thing so I still need to be careful. I know we say we're being honest with each other (it's like me being weird doesn't even faze him), but I still have to be careful until we can both say that we know each other a little better. I may like him, and I may think he's really cute and smart and all too easy to talk to, but that's where the line has to be drawn for now. Chatting, flirting, getting to know each other... All good, but attachment has to wait because I really don't want to get hurt again.
Tish says she's worried, because I seem unhappy in this thing (I don't even know what to call it besides a thing for now) with Aoi-kun, though I'm not sure how to explain it -
I'm unhappy because I'm confused because first off I've honestly never gotten this attached to anyone this fast (I crush easily on people but I don't get this attached), and I don't want to fool myself into thinking that there might be something if there isn't (that's what I'm still working out). The thing is, I'm naive when it comes to things like these, and I know it. I'm naive, but I'm not dumb. I may hope that there might be something, but I know what I'm getting myself into, even if the reason I'm unhappy sometimes is because I know that I can't just text him whenever or call him or ask him out for coffee or anything.
But honestly I'm happy too - I may feel nervous when I check my phone (or at least pretend that I'm totally not checking my phone), but it's also the same feeling of butterflies in my stomach that I used to get when I had a crush on someone, and that may not be the best feeling but it certainly isn't the worst either. His messages make me grin like an idiot and even laugh sometimes, and he actually seems to care (though again, it may be too early to tell - but let's hope for the best yeah?).
Most of the unhappiness was from not knowing if I was overthinking everything (because he seemed so nice, and there was definitely flirting but was he like this to every other girl or could it possibly be that he was talking like this just to me?), and after clearing things up a bit with him, the current happiness:unhappiness ratio stands around 80:20.
Even though I don't show anything, I'm really happy at the moment, and I feel like I don't have to worry Tish so much now (because I know she's worried about me being lonely and unhappy - she's said it a few times, and I hate how she has to worry about me, like if I just got my shit together she wouldn't have to worry so much) because there's nothing much to worry about (we're just chatting anyway) and I'm going to make sure that I can take care of myself too.
I don't really know what I'm typing anymore, and I can barely keep my eyes open as it is, so I'll just have to leave this post here.
The lesson plan briefing for the Bandung trip in school was exhausting, to say the least. I honestly never thought that planning lessons for a bunch of kids could be so tough. It also opened my eyes to exactly how much we took English for granted - here in Singapore, we speak mostly English and think nothing of it since it's pretty much the first language we learn in schools, but when it comes to planning lessons and games for a bunch of Indonesian kids who might speak little to no English, everything becomes a problem: Do we assume they can even speak English? Do we have to start from scratch with the alphabet or just move on to songs? Will they even understand what we're trying to teach them?
This trip is promising to be difficult but fun, I just hope we actually manage to teach the kiddies something useful!
Talked things through somewhat with Aoi-kun last night/this morning (with the time difference sometimes I really don't know anymore), and he admitted that like me, he was getting too attached too fast. As comforting as it is to hear that (since it means that I'm not the only one being the fool here and he definitely doesn't think I'm weird or creepy), it's still an internet thing so I still need to be careful. I know we say we're being honest with each other (it's like me being weird doesn't even faze him), but I still have to be careful until we can both say that we know each other a little better. I may like him, and I may think he's really cute and smart and all too easy to talk to, but that's where the line has to be drawn for now. Chatting, flirting, getting to know each other... All good, but attachment has to wait because I really don't want to get hurt again.
Well said, professor.
Tish says she's worried, because I seem unhappy in this thing (I don't even know what to call it besides a thing for now) with Aoi-kun, though I'm not sure how to explain it -
I'm unhappy because I'm confused because first off I've honestly never gotten this attached to anyone this fast (I crush easily on people but I don't get this attached), and I don't want to fool myself into thinking that there might be something if there isn't (that's what I'm still working out). The thing is, I'm naive when it comes to things like these, and I know it. I'm naive, but I'm not dumb. I may hope that there might be something, but I know what I'm getting myself into, even if the reason I'm unhappy sometimes is because I know that I can't just text him whenever or call him or ask him out for coffee or anything.
But honestly I'm happy too - I may feel nervous when I check my phone (or at least pretend that I'm totally not checking my phone), but it's also the same feeling of butterflies in my stomach that I used to get when I had a crush on someone, and that may not be the best feeling but it certainly isn't the worst either. His messages make me grin like an idiot and even laugh sometimes, and he actually seems to care (though again, it may be too early to tell - but let's hope for the best yeah?).
Most of the unhappiness was from not knowing if I was overthinking everything (because he seemed so nice, and there was definitely flirting but was he like this to every other girl or could it possibly be that he was talking like this just to me?), and after clearing things up a bit with him, the current happiness:unhappiness ratio stands around 80:20.
Even though I don't show anything, I'm really happy at the moment, and I feel like I don't have to worry Tish so much now (because I know she's worried about me being lonely and unhappy - she's said it a few times, and I hate how she has to worry about me, like if I just got my shit together she wouldn't have to worry so much) because there's nothing much to worry about (we're just chatting anyway) and I'm going to make sure that I can take care of myself too.
I don't really know what I'm typing anymore, and I can barely keep my eyes open as it is, so I'll just have to leave this post here.
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