050514 Thoughts I'm Too Afraid To Admit

Sometimes I feel like curling into a right little ball and squeezing myself into a corner where I'll sit unnoticed by the world around me. I just want to get away for a while, to not think if I mean something to anyone or if I'm that easily replaced.

I think this month will be good - I'll have the time to think a lot, to do as much quiet reflection as I want in a beautiful place that I love and brings me something resembling peace, in a way that only I can understand. I'll have the chance to take the pictures I want, see the sights I've always wanted to see, take some time to myself and all the voices inside my head - maybe they'll calm down a little. 

You get it, right? The feeling of wanting to just yell "fuck it!" and walk away for a while.

All these thoughts: Grandmother, family and Milk, Aoi-kun, friends, personal demons... They're getting too much to handle, and the headaches are getting worse - I can barely see straight anymore.

I've also never felt this emotionally distant from anyone or anything because there always used to be something that would tether me to the real world, so to speak. Right now... It feels like I'm just drifting alone, occasionally making contact with others but not really connecting. I want to connect, but it always feels like everyone has someone or something else that's important too, get what I mean?

It's that feeling of overwhelming loneliness I felt when watching Gravity with Milk - hello old friend, I see you've come to share my bed again. 

This month will be good. I'm a bit nervous (that condition imposed by Kira certainly made sense, but it's doing nothing for the demons lovingly scratching chains into my back) because so many things could happen, but perhaps it'll be good. Who knows?
Location: Pasir Ris (null)

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