Rest

Grandmother's wake is over (it ended on Wednesday) and she's been given a sea burial with my grandfather and our other ancestors. I have quite a bit to say about everything (including how much I had to fight the urge to slap my second aunt and her daughter as well as my third aunt), but so much has been locked away in my mind that I honestly don't know where and how to start.

I suppose I'll go with a few pictures and captions, and then see where that gets me. I wasn't too happy at first about my parents taking pictures during the wake and burial because it felt rude to me, but I'm thankful for the pictures now because they're all we have left.

Grandmother's obituary.

Grandmother on the second night of the wake - you can see how grand the decorations are.

Well-wishes sent by friends and colleagues.

Most of the bouquets were taken apart on the second-last night to decorate Grandmother's casket.

The Chinese believe in burning paper offerings to the deceased to ensure that they have a comfortable afterlife - mansions and luxury cars and goods are common sights.

Burning the offerings for Grandmother - I cried because we were basically sending her to the start of her journey to the underworld, and when the priest told us not to look back at this when we were to walk away, it felt like there was no going back.

Grandmother was gone.

Grandmother on the last day of the wake.

Grandmother's bones after cremation - she suffered from osteoporosis, and they were so thin and brittle.

Grandmother had a sea burial with Grandfather and our other ancestors. She had wanted it, or so our second aunt said - the problem was that in Grandmother's last days we could never really tell if she knew what she was talking about or just speaking to us in a drug-addled haze. We all know that Grandmother never really wanted a sea burial (she even strongly protested against the idea of one when we asked her once before her health deteriorated), but it's not as if we could say anything about it.

My personal opinion is that my second aunt didn't want the hassle of having to visit Grandmother's urn every year for Qing Ming and so decided that hey, it would be so much easier to just give everyone a sea burial because with those there isn't a physical location to give offerings to.

My cousins and I were deeply unhappy with the decision because the yearly visits to the ancestral urns had become a sort of event for us, and just like that she was taking everything away.

For me, it was even more upsetting because I'd used to be afraid of going to visit as a child, but my mum made it something to look forward to because she'd tell me all sorts of stories about Grandfather, something I loved because I'd never gotten to know him since he passed away before I was born. I looked forward to visiting the urns every year because it was always supposed to be a happy event - the temple would be filled with the chatter of families keeping their deceased members up to date with the latest happenings in the family, or introducing new additions to the family or just reminiscing. And now we wouldn't even have that.

My cousins and I kept quiet about it, but our feelings about the burial were made pretty obvious. We didn't give a damn if you didn't even want to make the effort to visit your deceased parents just once a year, but to us we treasured the visit because we would only get to see them once a year.

It's too late to get angry about it now - all we can do is accept it one way or another.

Grandfather.

Grandaunt - my memories of her are quite hazy because she passed away when I was still pretty young.

No matter what my feelings are about this, I can at least be happy that my grandparents are together again after 29 years.

That, and the fact that Grandfather might actually have been happy with the sea burial - he was a sailor, and might have felt at home being on a boat one last time.

I still have quite a lot to say about how much I wanted to slap my second aunt (and her daughter) and third aunt during the wake and burial, but I don't want to put them down here. I just needed to get some of my thoughts out because as much as I say I'm okay (I really am), they're starting to overwhelm me again.