Purgatory

Every song makes me think of him and I can't stop thinking - why did it have to happen this way, why did he just forget me just like that, why why why.

There's an answer, of course, though it hurts even more to consider exactly how possible the answer is. 

I'm in hell, and I put myself here, and I have no idea how to get out. I want answers and I want closure, but at the same time I just want to keep floating in this personal purgatory of mine. 

Because purgatory is what it is - I'm nowhere, suspended between wanting to cry it all out and just feel, and wanting to cut my heart out so everything can stop bleeding. It feels like there's a raw, gaping wound in my chest and I can barely function. It's a good thing of sorts that I'm not at home right now, because I'm kept busy taking pictures and being forced to socialize with the rest of the group. If I were at home right now... Well, the demons make their home there too, and they're most comfortable there. 

I want to cry. I want to cry so badly, because everything hurts and I don't know how to bottle anymore in, but somehow the tears that I know are waiting just won't come. 

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