Insanity x Thoughts Day 13

I feel like I'm going insane. Cooped up with the asshole for another what, 18 days? I've been bottling so much up that I don't know if I can go on with it. The worst part of things is that I can't go off on my own (to take a walk, breathe, cry, anything to get some tension out) because he obviously doesn't trust me to take care of myself even in a country that I know better than him. 

He's making me hate Japan. I really didn't want to say this, but it's like he's spreading some kind of taint all over this country that I love - the way he looks at everything I hold dear to me about this country and its culture with such indifference. I'm tired of having to leave my emotional switch on at "Cheerful" all the time just so he doesn't say that I have an attitude problem, I'm tired of having to cater to his decisions (like when he said he wanted to eat at a fried pork restaurant when I said VERY CLEARLY that I hated fried food) and I'm tired of him never fucking listening when I speak. 

It's a real problem - I tell him something and he asks me about it NOT FIVE MINUTES LATER because he wasn't listening. It's bad when it comes to stuff on the map because then I get blamed when he doesn't drive to whatever because he wasn't listening when I told him about it and therefore didn't know about the place. 

I'm going fucking insane. Someone, anyone, please help. 

~

It's both funny and sad - I only seem to get noticed by guys in Japan. At home no one gives two shits about me, but here I've actually got guys coming to talk to me (yes they actually take the initiative, I'm really not doing anything but minding my own business) when I can get away from the asshole and just walk on my own for a while - it's like I'm alone and all of a sudden some Japanese guy appears out of nowhere and starts talking to me... I literally just had a guy follow me across the street just to chat about where I was from and if I'd heard of this or that and hey, I was really interesting... I just wish I could have chatted for a bit longer, it's a heady feeling to actually be noticed for once. 

True, they're probably just guys who're desperate for a hookup, and I know I'm nobody special, but it's both a liberating and saddening feeling to think that hey, I'm actually noticed by people who aren't Singaporean.

People actually notice me, think I'm pretty and want to talk to me... And it's not even in my country.
Location: Matsumoto Matsumoto

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