だいじょうぶ。

My mood has been completely ruined tonight by one fucked-up phone call, and well, I bet those who follow me on twitter already know about it. 

My mum and dad were talking over the phone on viber or something, since he's still overseas. I asked mum to let me talk to dad, cos well, I haven't seen him in a month. And I kinda miss him, even though I know we don't get along well. 

Get this: My dad put me through to my cousin. My cousin from Hong Kong who doesn't speak English or Chinese. And me being the non-Asian Asian who doesn't speak Cantonese. What basically happened was that I had one of the most awkward phone conversations of my life. 5 minutes of torture, okay.

And then I asked to be put through to my dad, who was the only reason why I endured the freaking 5 minutes okay. What did my dad do? Straight after the phone was passed to him, he told me, "Could you pass the phone to mum?"

No hello.
No how are you doing.
No how are your studies.
No how were your exams.
No how was that performance that meant so much to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be there.
"Could you pass the phone to mum."

FUCK YOU.
Okay?
I haven't seen you in a month.
I wanted - I ACTUALLY WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, OKAY.
And you go and just brush me off saying that you wanted to talk to mum.

Fuck you. Just fuck you.
Because I'm too tired to care anymore. 

I'm pissed off and angry and hurt and literally on the verge of tears.
Which is most likely overreacting again but I DON'T CARE.



You know what the saddest thing is? I'm so upset that even LP can't do anything to cheer me up or anything.

But I'm just gonna put on a smile, force out a laugh and say that everything's alright because that's the only way I know how to cope with this. I don't have to worry about me forgetting how to smile, properly smile, because I'd already forgotten a long time ago. My eyes are permanently cold, no matter what I do.

So... だいじょうぶ。

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