Passion

Jo knows that I've injured both my knees due to having to sit in a freakin' weird position during filming last weekend, and she can see how much it hurts (and inconveniences) me when I have to stand, walk, run, sit, whatever. It just hurts. Both knees hurt so much I can hardly bear it sometimes.

But I did it, you know? During filming, I just grit my teeth and went through with it because I wanted the take to be as good as possible, for the character Jane to be as realistic as possible. I'd promised myself that I'd give them a 150% of whatever I had, and I'd intended to keep my promise.

Looking back, I'd prolly been really stupid when I'd gone back to that position, over and over and over again. Kami knows how many takes were done for that one scene. I mean, it was a misjudgment on my part - getting thrown against corridor railings is fine with me, cos it doesn't hurt too much and I know it makes everything look loads more realistic. But if I ever have to do something that will hurt me the way both my knees are hurting me right now... I'll prolly ask for a compromise. Maybe I won't have to sit in that position, another one could work just fine. Because this sitting position pretty much forced my knees sideways. Not fun.

Jo said that if she were in my position, she'd prolly be complaining a LOT more than me. And (she looked slightly sad here) she also said that I really had genuine passion for acting if I was so willing to maintain a position for multiple takes, even if it hurt me. That if I was so willing to allow myself to be thrown against railings, allow myself to fall and take the impact full-on, again and again and again, just for the sake of getting a good scene, well, I really had that passion for acting.

I will never say that I'm a good actor, because there will always be someone better than me, and I don't find any reason to boast about something that may or may not be true. If people tell me that I'm a fantastic actor, I'm really happy, but I can't bring myself to believe it 100%. But I will be able to say that I really have that passion for acting, for being on the stage, where I belong. And no matter how much I waver in choosing whether to stay for acting or leave because of pressure from my parents, I hope that I'll never lose this passion.

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