Doubt

I can't do anything if you tell me nothing.

I'm no longer a part of this. It wasn't my choice to be excluded, but here I am.

Because the doubt that I managed to push away has come back.

It's knocking on my door, tapping on my window.

I can hear it.

I can see it.

And it's calling to me.

It's calling to me. It knows my name.

"Come here, sweetheart."

It's reaching out to me.

With those cold clammy hands I know so well.

"Come here."

I turn away from it.

I don't want to go.

But something in me leaves me unable to walk away.

Even now I want to hear what it has to say.

I want its embrace even though I know it's wrong.

"Let me hold you."

It croons to me.

Twisted smile of mock sympathy on its face.

Illusions and Lies.

that's all it is.

"Let me see you."

"Let me hold you."

"Let me understand you."

"I'm here."

"I'm always here."

With every word every gesture every moment

I hesitate.

I want to go near it, feel it, accept it.

Just like I used to.

We have a history, the two of us.

We go way back.

With every moment I find

myself walking closer

ever closer

till I stand before it.

Motionless.

"Ah, child."

It whispers,

stroking my cheek tenderly

with its dead, rotting hand.

It reeks.

And yet it's familiar.

Even though it repulses me I cannot move away.

So here I stand,

leaning into its embrace

allowing it to take over.